


Here With Me

by LikeMmmCookies



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bands, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Character age adjustments, Daddy Kylo, Ex Sex, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Reylo - Freeform, Smut, Stormpilot, Unplanned Pregnancy, corporate culture, momma rey, protective kylo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2018-06-06 12:43:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 60,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6754273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LikeMmmCookies/pseuds/LikeMmmCookies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Mom, I'm ready to go."<br/>A young child slipped up behind Rey, curling a hand into hers.</p><p>  <em> Mom? </em></p><p>The child looked up at Kylo. "Who are you?"<br/>“Cory, this is Mr. Ren. We used to be friends a long time ago.”<br/>'Friends.' Kylo smirked. Cory pulled his hood back and the smirk disappeared. Black wavy hair curled every which way around his pale, narrow face. A pair of dark brown eyes stared up at Kylo. </p><p><em> His eyes. </em><br/>Kylo swayed, suddenly dizzy. "Rey?"<br/>“Maybe we should sit down,” she murmured.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kylo Ren strode down the sidewalk, dodging slow pedestrians and puddles, his phone pressed tightly to his ear. His jaw clenched as he listened to William Hux, CFO of First Order, his colleague, rival, and perpetual pain in his ass, rant and lecture about their latest quarterly reports.

“Hux,” Kylo sharply interrupted him, “production costs spiked in the last phase because those fucking assholes _you_ convinced Snoke to contract with sent us an entire batch of parts that were completely outside acceptable quality standards! Didn’t I tell you this would happen? Yes, I did. Don’t fucking start with me. I’m not going to approve for the next phase until I get the quality materials I need. I don’t give a fuck how much it costs. You fucked up, Hux.”

Kylo yanked open the door to the Indian restaurant he was headed into for a quiet lunch away from all the idiots who reported to him, only to smack straight into someone. Her carryout bags split, and an excessive number of cartons and containers tumbled onto the sidewalk, several of which popped open, spilling fragrant curries and colorful vegetables all over the ground.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Kylo immediately bent down to grab the containers, snatching up the receipt.

“No, it’s my fault, I wasn’t watching where I was going.” The lyrical voice and British accent sent shock ricocheting through Kylo. He slowly looked up from the mess of now-soggy food on the ground to the owner of the voice.

Soft wisps of dark chestnut hair, wavy from the mist and rain, framed bright hazel eyes in an all-too familiar face. Her small lips parted in surprise when she recognized him.

“I’m going to have to call you back,” Kylo mumbled into the phone, barely aware of Hux’s furious shouting as he ended the call.

“Rey.” His voice was thick and low. His hand hovered near his ear, still holding his darkened phone.

She hadn’t moved either, eyes wide and locked on his face. “Kylo.”

They stared at each other in stunned silence for a full minute before Kylo spoke.

“I hadn’t…uh, I didn’t know you were back,” he began lamely.

“We just moved back this week.” Rey’s mouth pulled tight in apprehension, an expression Kylo recognized intimately. He couldn’t believe how easily he remembered after six years apart.

_We?_

A little voice spoke from behind her. “I’m ready to go. Oh no our food!” The voice came from a small figure in a lime green raincoat with a deep hood shaped like a frog. The child slipped around Rey and curled a hand into hers. When Rey didn’t respond, the hood tilted up.

“Mom?”

“It’s okay Cory, we can get more,” Rey’s voice trailed off.

The hood turned to Kylo. “Who are _you_?”

_Mom._ Kylo couldn’t process it. He cleared his throat, gaze darting back and forth between the child and Rey. “I, uhh, your mm—Rey, we—“

“Cory, this is Mr. Ren. We used to be friends a long time ago.” Rey caught Kylo’s tiny smirk as she said “friends.”

Every trace of his smirk disappeared when Cory pulled his hood back. Black wavy hair curled every which way around his narrow, pale face. A pair of dark brown eyes stared up at Kylo. _His_ eyes.

Kylo tore his gaze away from Cory to gape at Rey. The way she was frozen in the door reminded him of a frightened deer, waiting for the right moment to dart away and disappear into the fog.

Kylo grabbed the doorframe, suddenly feeling very dizzy. “Rey?” His voice was hoarse.

“Maybe we should sit down,” she murmured.


	2. Chapter 2

After explaining to the restaurant host what had happened, the three of them slid into a booth in the back of the room. Kylo and Rey had scarcely stopped staring at each other the whole time.

“I want to sit by Mr. Ren.”

Kylo broke eye contact with Rey to look down at the mop of dark hair climbing on to the seat beside him. Cory grabbed Kylo’s arm for leverage as he crawled onto his knees and sat on his muddy rainboots.

“Mom, can I color?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“MISTER! I want to color, please?”

Kylo winced as Cory hollered at the waiter across the room and the entire restaurant turned to stare at them.

“Cory,” Rey hissed. “Wait until he comes over here.”

He smacked two hands over his mouth, mumbling what sounded like “sorry” through them. The waiter brought them water and crayons and paper for Cory. Rey raised an eyebrow at her son.

“I’m sorry for shouting at you,” Cory somberly told the waiter, who smiled, clearly amused.

“I’ve had worse. But thank you. What can I get for you guys?”

Kylo produced the receipt from Rey’s ruined order, handing it to the waiter. “Everything on there, chicken Jalfrezi for me, medium. And for her, Veggie Korma, extra extra spicy.” Kylo ordering for her was risky, but Korma was her favorite. He thought Rey would protest, but she just blinked at him slowly before rubbing her temples.

“And for your son?”

“Oh no! We’re not, he’s not, uh, we aren’t…” Kylo stuttered, finally just shaking his head over and over.

Perplexed, the waiter’s eyes bounced back and forth between Cory and Kylo, then to Rey, who was still wearily rubbing her forehead.

“Okay…my apologies. Want do you want?” He addressed Cory this time.

“Naan, please.”

“Plain?”

Cory’s face scrunched up as he stared at the menu. Kylo looked over his head at the waiter. “One of everything.”

The waiter blinked at him. “We have ten kinds of naan.”

“Yeah, sure, that’s fine. And three mango lassis.”

Now Rey was looking at Kylo with a slight glare, evaluating his elegant charcoal suit, pristine jacket, and Italian leather briefcase and shoes. He thought he saw her peeking under his shirt sleeves for his watch.

“I see business has been good to you,” she stated flatly.

“Yes, actually, it has. First Order is doing very well.”

“Your outfit looks like it cost more than my car.”

He smiled wryly at her. “It probably did.”

She shook her head with some frustration but she was smiling a little. “God, Kylo. It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too.” He gave her a crooked smile. “So why are you back? I thought the band was doing well, I hear your songs on the radio sometimes.”

“Since when does Kylo Ren, music snob extraordinaire, listen to the radio?” She teased him.

“Since you started playing on it.”

His serious answer flustered her. She fidgeted with her earring while watching Cory color. “Well, some radio stations, yeah. The Resistance is doing very well, but Poe and Finn are tired of traveling. Getting married slowed them down a lot. They want to retire from music and start a farm.”

“A farm?” He laughed, “I’m not even surprised.”

“I thought I would’ve seen you at their wedding. Were you busy that weekend?”

His mouth twisted and he fiddled with his napkin. “I was not invited.”

Rey was taken aback. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Kylo chuckled nervously. “At first I was kind of hurt, but now, I think I get it.” He glanced quickly at Cory and then back to Rey, whose forehead crinkled.

“Yes, I suppose they wanted to prevent any untimely reunions.”

Kylo snorted. “An untimely reunion? Yeah, that’s one way to put it.”

“You should call them up. I know they miss you.”

Kylo curtly shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“I have to pee,” Cory announced.

Rey sighed. “What have I told you about that?”

“I have to use the restroom,” Cory amended.

“Wash your hands!” she called after him as he slipped out of the booth. She startled when she turned back, caught off guard by Kylo’s piercing gaze.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was soft and he almost looked tearful. She shifted in her seat, staring down at her hands. She couldn’t look at his dark, mournful eyes right now.

“Rey?”

“I don’t know Kylo.” She rubbed her neck, still avoiding his gaze. “I don’t know.”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

She shrugged. “I hadn’t decided yet.”

A moment passed, before he asked, voice thick, “Is that why you left?”

She did look up at him this time, and wished she hadn’t. His eyes glimmered, and his lower lip just barely trembled. She felt something she thought she escaped six years ago—the feeling of every part of her chest melting and crumbling apart. Staring into his dark eyes made her ache, and it made her melt. Cory exited the bathroom, wandering across the restaurant to ask the waiter for more crayons. Rey watched Kylo watch Cory. Suddenly he grinned and the melting ache intensified.

“That poor kid.”

“Why do you say that?”

“He got my ears.”

Rey looked at their son and started chuckling. “Yeah, he did. He really did.”

Kylo turned back to her, still grinning. “He’s going to get called so many things. Kids are basically psychopaths with unlimited imaginations. Prepare yourself for many days of him coming home, crying.”

Her face lit up with a teasing glow. “Are you speaking from experience?”

He feigned a melancholy expression, dramatically sighing. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Rey laughed and Kylo joined in. He forgot how much he missed the sound of their laughs ringing out together.

Cory clambered back into his seat, a dozen more crayons in hand. He combed his messy waves back with one hand in a gesture that was eerily familiar to Kylo. He looked up at Rey, a hint of awe on his face.

She smirked at him. “Creepy, right?”

“The weirdest.”

The waiter came over with their drinks, food, and all ten orders of naan, smiling over Cory’s appreciative oohs and ahhs. “Do you want all the items off that receipt carryout again, ma’am?”

“Carryout? Oh my god! Finn and Poe! Yes, yes, carryout, sorry.”

Kylo already had his fork poised over his plate. “Do you need to go?”

Rey paused. “No…no! The food arrived, we can eat here. I just need to go call them quick.”

Rey grabbed her phone from her purse and stepped outside, dialing up Finn.

“Where’s our food!”

“Hi Poe. This is definitely not your phone. Where’s Finn?”

There was a series of scratching and shuffling sounds punctuated with Poe’s mischievous chuckle.

“Hello darlin.’”

“Hi Finn. Umm we’re going to be a little late.”

“Don’t worry about it, is everything okay?”

Rey hesitated. “Yeah, I just ran into someone and we got talking. I gotta go, but I’ll text you when we’re on the way, ‘kay?”

“Sounds good, see you soon. Love ya.”

“Love you too.”

Rey took a deep breath before returning to the restaurant. Kylo and Cory were huddled with their heads close together, as Kylo drew something on one of Cory’s coloring sheets. Rey smiled to herself, the tiny crayon in his giant hand was comical. A second later, the crayon snapped in half.

“Shit,” he grumbled.

Rey frowned. “Kylo! Language!”

“Oh right, kids- they aren’t supposed to swear.” He pointed at Cory with the broken crayon. “And you’re a kid. No bad words. Alright? I’m a bad example. Don’t listen to me. Okay, now I’ll show you how to draw the robot. Listen really carefully…”

Rey groaned softly and shook her head but Kylo didn’t notice, he was too busy illustrating a blocky cartoon robot. Cory copied each motion slowly, his tongue poking out of his mouth and an intense look of concentration that was 100% Rey.

 _I have a son. Holy shit. That’s Rey’s kid. And my kid. We have a kid. Fuck._ For what seemed like the hundredth time in the last half hour, Kylo reminded himself to breathe.

Rey tried not to linger over her food too long. They nervously picked up conversations in between bites, catching each other up on bits and pieces of the last six years.

As they finished up their meal, Cory ran off to the bathroom again and Rey kept trying to get the waiter’s attention.

Kylo tilted his head at her. “Need something?”

“The bill?”

“Oh, I took care of it already.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Of course you did.”

Kylo smirked at her. “You’re welcome.”

She gave a small sigh, followed by a gentle smile. “Thanks, really. You bought my kid ten types of naan and drew him robots. I’m pretty sure he’s having a blast.”

“That’s it? He’s easy to please.”

“He spends all his time with Poe, Finn, or me. I think he’s just bored of us.”

Kylo squinted. “Thanks? I think?”

Rey chuckled at him, and they lapsed into brief silence, staring at each other.

“I want to see you again. Both of you.”

Rey’s heart skipped an alarming number of beats. “Uhhmm…I’ll think about it.”

Kylo tried not to frown, but Rey caught it.

She sighed. “It’s just…Cory has been mostly okay with not having his birth dad in his life. He’s got two dads, pretty much.”

“Finn and Poe.”

“Yeah, and it’s been good.”

“He never asks?”

Rey bit her lip. “Sometimes.”

“What do you tell him?”

“I just tell him the truth, more or less. I say that mommy and his birth daddy don’t get along, like cats and dogs, so we have to stay in different places.”

“But that’s not even true,” Kylo protested with an edge to his voice.

Rey frowned at him. “You must have a selective memory, because I remember a lot of tears and angst. I don’t want him growing up with two of the most important adults in his life always fighting.”

“ _You_ must have a selective memory, because I remember us being pretty happy. We argued, yeah. All couples argue.”

Rey’s frown deepened, but her response was interrupted by Cory’s return. They exchanged tense glances before Kylo picked the bag of takeout food from Rey’s arms.

“Are you guys driving there? I’ll walk you to your car.”

“We were going to take the bus.”

“Forget it, I’ll drive you.”

Rey scrunched her face at him and Kylo sighed.

“I’ll have my chauffeur drive you in my car. Better?”

Rey shook her head. “More accurate. I don’t know about better.”

“What’s a chaff—chauffeur?” Cory stumbled over the word.

“It’s a person that rich people hire when they have too much money and don’t know what to do with it,” Rey answered dryly.

“What do they do?”

“They drive their cars for them.”

Cory pondered this for a second. “Why don’t the rich people just drive their cars?”

“I don’t know. Kylo? Care to answer?”

Kylo grinned at Rey. “But then how would I turn every second of my free time into work time? Being a workaholic is hard, it requires dedication.”

“What’s a work-a-hol-ic?” Cory directed his question at Kylo this time.

“Someone who works a lot.”

“Isn’t that good?”

Kylo shot a proud look at Rey and pointedly cleared his throat. “Wonder where he gets his work ethic from.” 

Kylo’s driver pulled up in his black luxury car and Rey nudged Cory to the door. “Okay, that’s enough vocabulary lessons for one day.”

Rey gave the driver an address and the trip was short and quiet. When they pulled up in front of Poe and Finn’s apartment, Rey held back a grimace as Kylo evaluated the area.

“West Side. Very artsy.”

“More like non-gentrified.”

Kylo offered a small smile. “It can be both. I happen to like the West Side a lot. The best Italian place in the whole city is here.”

“Yeah, Bariusso’s.”

“I’ve never been there!” Cory piped up.

Kylo smiled at him through the rearview mirror. “Maybe your mom will let me take you guys there sometime.”

Rey shot a quick glare at the back of Kylo’s head before climbing out of the car. He undid his seat belt and started to open his door.

“What are you doing?”

“I’ll help you carry the food up.”

“I don’t need help. It’s fine.” She glanced up at their kitchen window and groaned internally. Finn and Poe were definitely spying on them already. She groaned externally when Kylo got out of the car anyway, insisting on carrying the food to the front door. He handed her his card before she went in.

“Rey, please think about what I said.”

“I will. Thank you for lunch.”

Kylo smiled softly and stepped closer. “I missed you.” He turned and got back into his car, and they drove away.

She watched the car turn the corner and disappear, feeling rooted to the ground. Cory was already pounding up the stairs and banging on their front door. The heavy noise startled her out of her thoughts. She looked up the narrow flight of stairs and sighed. Finn and Poe were going to freak out.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Finn and Poe were waiting for her in the kitchen, leaning against the countertop, wearing matching smirks.

“Hi guys.” Rey set the food down and took off her raincoat, very aware of their steady gazes on the back of her head.

“Rey Kenobi! Don’t ‘hi guys’ us,” Finn blustered. “Who was _that_?”

“What was the deal with that car? And his jacket. And God, that hair!” Poe chimed in.

Rey nervously eyed Cory who was in the other room unpacking toys, making sure he was out of earshot.

“That was Kylo Ren.”

Finn’s smirk vanished. “ _What_.”

Rey leaned against the kitchen table, shrugging. “We ran into each other—literally—at the restaurant.”

Finn’s face grew concerned. “Are you okay? Was Cory with you?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, thanks for asking. Yeah, Cory was with me. He met him. Kylo knew right away.”

“Oh shit,” Poe swore softly under his breath.

“Yeah, oh shit.” Rey crossed her arms and slouched, suddenly feeling very tired.

He put a comforting arm around her. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. He wants to see us again.” She stared out a window at the rain. “He’s changed a lot. Seems less…angry. But in some ways so much the same.” She smiled. “He taught Cory how to draw robot cartoons. He told me he remembers us being happy together.” Her forehead creased up, followed by another little smile. “He still does that hair thing Cory does. Kylo thought it was funny that Cory got his ears.”

Poe and Finn exchanged glances. Suddenly Rey pushed away from the table, snapping out of the conversation. She walked into the other room with Cory, and the two men turned to each other.

“Don’t even think about it, Poe Dameron.”                                        

“Think about what?” He protested.

Finn gestured vaguely to Poe’s face. “Whatever _this_ is. I know that look. Just leave it alone.”

“Did you see the way she got when she was talking about him?”

“Yeah, I did. And do you remember how shitty he was to her? There was a reason she left. A lot of reasons.”

“That was six years ago. Rey said it seems like he’s changed.”

Finn was shaking his head. “Shitty people don’t normally stop being shitty, they usually get worse.”

“But he’s a dad now.”

“Exactly. Just leave it alone, please.”

Poe didn’t respond. Finn groaned.


	4. Chapter 4

Kylo felt like the next day passed with deliberate sluggishness. He jumped every time his phone rang or his assistant, Mitaka, came into his office with a message. The minutes dragged by, but no call from Rey. Tuesday blurred into Wednesday, which blurred into Thursday. Hux, infuriated by Kylo’s distraction, yelled at him more than usual, and Kylo cared less than usual.

Friday morning, Kylo stomped out of his apartment in a positively vile mood. He ignored his driver’s cheerful morning greetings, instead yelling at him when they got bogged down in traffic. He closed the elevator door on a rushing pedestrian on purpose. The petty spite of it just made him feel more hideous. He stormed into his office, slamming the double doors behind him. 

Mitaka’s hesitant voice came through the doors. “Mr. Ren?”

Kylo whipped open the door. “What?” He growled at the young man, who winced.

“There’s a call for you on line one.”

“Why the hell are you bothering me? Why didn’t you just ring it through?”

Mitaka cowered, growing pale. “I did.”

“Well I obviously didn’t hear it,” Kylo snapped.

“Would you like to take the call or should I have them call back?” His assistant’s voice came out weak and thin.

“Who is it?” Kylo demanded. Mitaka just shrugged. “Didn’t say.”

Kylo shut the door in Mitaka’s face without a word, taking a deep breath before he picked up the phone.

“Yes.”

“Hello, is this Kylo Ren?”

“Yes.”

“Hey! Buddy!”

Kylo scrambled to place the voice. “Poe?”

“Yeah! Man I haven’t talked to you in so long!”

Kylo was speechless. Poe was the last person he ever expected to call him.

“Rey mentioned you guys ran into each other on Monday.”

“She did?” Kylo said at an odd pitch. He cleared his throat. “Yes, we did, at the Indian place off 24th and Bryant.”

“She seemed really happy to see you.”

“Yeah?” The odd pitch returned. “It was great to uh, catch up with her.” Kylo cleared his throat again.

“So we’re all getting together tonight for dinner, and now that the whole gang is in one place again, I thought it would be nice to have a little reunion.” Poe’s voice sounded overly bright.

Kylo tugged at the suddenly tight collar of his shirt. “So Rey will be there?”

“Yep! She asked me if I invited you already.”

Kylo was 99.9% sure that Poe was lying, but he didn’t care. “Yeah, dinner sounds great. Where and when?”

“Seven at my place. Nothing too fancy.”

“Okay, I’ll be there.”

Kylo set down the phone, his despicable mood replaced with a hornet’s nest of anxieties. He barely paid attention to anything that happened all day, glancing obsessively at his watch. Five o’clock rolled around and he flew out of his office.

“Good work today, Mitaka. Now go home!”

Mitaka blanched. “But it’s only five!”

“Yes, it is. Have a nice weekend!”

Kylo chuckled to himself at Mitaka’s bewildered expression, then frowned. He probably hadn’t let his assistant off before eight on a Friday for months. Or wished him well. Or thanked him for anything. _I’m turning into an actual Scrooge. Rey would hate that._

When his driver dropped him off in front of his apartment building, he gave the man a wide smile.

“Thank you Rodger! You have the weekend off. See you Monday!”

Rodger’s jaw dropped, and he stared at Kylo as he climbed out of the car, waved and smiled at the doorman, and disappeared through the front doors. The doorman and Rodger shared a baffled look and Rodger shrugged through the windshield.

* * *

 Kylo stood in front of his closet with a daunted expression, towel slung low around his hips, his hair messy and black with moisture.

He just realized his entire closet was black suits. And black shirts. And black ties and black shoes. Inspiration hit him. He dug through his dresser, throwing aside dozens of undershirts and pulled out the only grey t-shirt in the entire drawer. After hunting down his only pair of jeans (black), he pulled the least dressy button down he could find over his t-shirt, rolling the sleeves up in an attempt to look casual. He evaluated his reflection in the mirror, biting his lip and snorting in derision.  

“I can’t believe I’m wearing this shirt,” he muttered to himself. 

* * *

 Rey hummed while she flitted around her sunny house. Cory was sprawled across her bed, playing with an assortment of dolls and dinosaurs. She caught sight of the clock face over the mantle of the fireplace that joined one of her bedroom walls with the living room.

“Oh Lord, Poe will be here any second. Cory, quick, what should I wear?”

Cory dug through the haphazard piles of her clothing, pushing aside various items and tugged on a gauzy cream dress.

“This.”

Rey squinted at him briefly. “You sure?”

“Yes.”

She shrugged. Coincidence. She pulled on the floaty dress and patted her belly. “Can’t believe this still fits. Can’t believe I’m wearing this dress.”

A honk sounded in front of their house. “That’s Poe.” After pulling her hair up into messy buns, and yanking on a loose cardigan, she grabbed her stuff and whisked Cory out of the door.

* * *

 Kylo straightened his shirt again, unrolling and re-rolling his sleeves, growling when he couldn’t get them to look even.

_Fuck you, sleeves._

Peals of laughter and warm light spilled out into the landing. He shifted a bottle of 1996 Cos d’Estournel to one arm, and knocked firmly on Poe and Finn’s door.

Finn opened the door and his jaw dropped. Poe pushed his frozen husband out of the doorway.

“Kylo! _We_ are so glad you made it!” Poe reached out to hug him as Kylo reached out to shake his hand.

“Ah, oh, okay…” Kylo awkwardly returned the hug. Finn had recovered, and was shooting Poe frustrated looks, his mouth set in a harsh line.

“Hi Kylo,” Finn said coolly.

Kylo pushed his hair back. “It’s been a while.”

Rey walked into the kitchen from the patio to see what all the noise was about. When she saw Kylo, excitement flared in her stomach, quickly replaced with unease.

Kylo stared at Rey, stunned into silence at the sight of her. She was backlit by the glowing sheen of the evening sun and the light brought out hints of auburn in her hair. She was wearing a flowy dress. He flashed back to the first time he saw her in it.

**(Eight years before)**

“Ah, shit, we’re late. Sorry Kylo.” Poe swung open the door to the bar, his voice dipping to a whisper as they stepped inside. “You’re gonna love her. Her voice is incredible.”

The main room was dark and tables were clustered in a half circle around a small, raised stage. A man played an acoustic guitar off to one side. In the center stood a young woman, looking not much younger than him. Her golden skin, wrapped in a flowing cream dress, glowed under the warm spotlights. She cupped the microphone in her hands, and her eyes held a faraway look as she gently swayed to the music. She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

 _“Maybe now everything will be so clear, you shed a light into this empty space,”_ she crooned. Her voice, smoky and sweet, struck Kylo to his core.

_“And all I am, all I have doesn’t even matter now. I can’t understand why I feel this way, but I do, I do.”_

He watched her, completely entranced. He soaked up every word of the song, feeling utterly disappointed when it ended.

“Thank you everyone, I’m Rey, and that’s Finn on the guitar, and we’ll be right back after a short break.”

Her charming accent and bright voice was a pleasant juxtaposition to her sultry singing voice. Kylo was distantly aware of Poe asking him what he wanted to drink, his eyes never leaving Rey as she and Finn threaded through groups of chatting people. She saw Poe first, then her eyes slid to Kylo. They locked gazes as she reached them.

Poe jumped to introduce them. “Rey, Finn, this is Kylo. He’s that piano player I was telling you about. Kylo, this is Finn, my boyfriend, and Rey, our rising star.” A hint of color crept into Rey’s cheeks and she smiled. “Stop, Poe, you’re embarrassing me.” She offered her hand to Kylo. “It’s nice to meet you, Kylo.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” He responded, internally cringing. _Very nice. Very 18 th century. Maybe you should kiss her hand._

“We’re going to get drinks,” Poe announced, dragging away his protesting boyfriend.

Rey stepped closer to Kylo to let someone pass behind her. She tipped her head up to look at him. “Wow, you’re really tall.”

He raked a hand through his hair as a teasing smile lit his face. “Oh? I hadn’t noticed.”

Rey blushed again. “What a silly thing to say. I bet you get that all the time.”

He shrugged. “At least you didn’t ask me _why_ I’m so tall.”

Rey grinned, and Kylo’s breath escaped him. “People actually say that?”

“Yeah,” he forced out. “Pretty dumb.”

She nodded with another grin. “I like your shirt,” she complimented him.

Kylo glanced down at his grey t-shirt with STAR WARS emblazoned across the top and a scene from Episode IV artfully splashed beneath it in bold hues.

“Thanks. I’m a fan.”

“Obviously.” Rey gave a wide smile. “I am too.”

“What did you think of the new one?”

“Well, it’s Star Wars, so I loved it," she chuckled.

“Who was your favorite new character?”

Rey winced. “Ooooh, that’s too hard. Hmm, probably Adam Driver. He’s such a fantastic villain. All that inner turmoil just makes him so much more interesting. And he was clearly obsessed with Daisy.”

Kylo smirked. “Sounds like you have a thing for bad boys.”

She covered her face with one hand. “Is it that obvious?”

‘Mmm, yeah,” he chuckled. A group walked between them, forcing them apart. When the people passed, they both stepped closer, standing barely two feet apart now. Rey thought Kylo smelled amazing, like juniper, soap, and something sweet and slightly musky. She subtly took another deep breath. Their eyes never left each other’s faces.

“Your voice is exquisite,” Kylo murmured to her. _Exquisite? Okay, Mr. Darcy._

“Thanks.” Rey’s reply was breathy.

“Do you want a drink?” He offered, hooking a thumb at the bar.

“I’d love one.”

Kylo followed slightly behind her, and she felt his hand brush the small of her back as he guided her through the crowd. She thought she was going to melt right there. As they stood in front of the bar, Rey was sharply aware of his chest, just inches behind her shoulder. She glanced up at his face, startled to see he was watching her and not looking at the bar selection.

“Pick your poison,” Kylo said with a crooked smile.

“Tall, dark, and handsome.”

“I don’t see that-OH, _oh,_ oh…” Kylo stuttered, turning tomato red to the tips of his ears. Rey curled up inside with delight at how adorably awkward he was.

He recovered quickly. “No one has ever said anything that cheesy to me before.”

Rey threw her head back and laughed. “But I love cheese.” Kylo shook his head with mock consternation. Suddenly Finn appeared beside them.

“THERE you are. We have to go back up!” He pulled on Rey’s arm, attempting to tow her to the stage. She reached back and grabbed Kylo’s hand. “Get a gin fizz and save it for me?”

“Of course.” Her hand slipped from his, and she followed Finn, skipping up the stage steps. His hand tingled. Kylo wasn’t sure if he believed in love at first sight, but it only took one more song for him to realize he was in love with her.

  **(present)**

 The memory was as vivid in Kylo’s mind as if it happened yesterday. His heart twisted. After that first night, they were together almost constantly. Cuddled together under blankets on the beach at night, hiding in the corner of a bar, snuggled on a couch, sprawled in the grass under the hot sun, ignoring the world as they fell irreparably in love with each other.

Rey didn’t know what to do. She calmly greeted him, listening and occasionally adding to the small talk they made about business and the weather.

She never expected him to be back in her life. Not now, and not like this. Memories inundated her, especially of the night they met. She almost couldn’t believe he had the same shirt on. Part of her fumed about his unexpected arrival. She was positive Poe was to blame. But another part of her, the part filling her with butterflies, was just happy to see him. She _had_ missed him, she admitted to herself. She refused to think about how much.

“Mr. Ren!” Cory enthusiastically greeted him.

“Hey, kid.”

Cory gasped, pointing at his shirt. “Do you want to play Star Wars with me?”

Kylo looked pleased. “Yeah, that sounds fun.”

Cory grabbed his hand, leading him into another room. Kylo cast an anxious glance over his shoulder at Rey, who smiled encouragingly at him. As soon as they were around the corner, Finn turned to Poe, who was beaming after father and son.

“Dear, can I please talk to you privately?” Finn said through gritted teeth. Poe cast a pleading look at Rey, who threw up her hands. “Nope, I’m staying out of this one.” She grabbed the wine, a corkscrew, and an enormous glass and returned to the patio.

“Poe! I can’t believe you-well, no I can-but how could you just do that without asking? You can’t just invite an ex-boyfriend slash baby daddy over and not expect something to happen!”

“Exactly!”

“What!?”

“I expect something to happen. Finn, I know you disagree with me, but look at them!” Poe and Finn leaned over to peer through the doorway. Kylo was sprawled out on the floor next to Cory, who marched little Stormtroopers towards a Harrison Ford action figure that was inexplicably tangled up in twine. Kylo flew a sailboat through the air, making TIE fighter noises. He exclaimed something that was unintelligible to them and Cory giggled.

They leaned back and Finn huffed. He couldn’t disagree that the two already seemed fond of each other. Then he shook his head. “But what about Kylo and Rey?”

Poe shrugged. “I guess we’ll deal with it when we get there.”

“Maybe they can figure out how to be friends. Let's not encourage anything.”

“Uh huh.”

* * *

 The group settled into dinner. Wine was poured, food passed around. The sun set and long strings of twinkle lights lit the patio and softened the edges of everything. The balmy spring air soothed Rey’s nerves. The wine helped, too.

Finn and Poe started to recount stories of the group’s band days together.

“Kylo, do you remember when your keyboard stand collapsed mid-show?” Poe chuckled.

Kylo dramatically scowled. “Yes. And you guys wouldn’t stop laughing! We had to stop in the middle of a song because Rey was laughing so hard she couldn’t sing.”

“Because you couldn’t get it back together, it just kept falling, over and over. You turned bright red. Like a volcano.” The description garnered a giggle from Cory.

Kylo colored a little. “The latch broke!” He protested.

Rey rolled her eyes. “Uh huh.”

“You’re one to talk, Rey. Remember the time you dropped a box on your own head while unloading the van?”

She groaned. “Yes! It hurt so badly. And then I couldn’t remember the set list.”

“You started the wrong song five times,” Poe snorted.

Kylo was frowning. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell us about that until after the show. You should have been at the doctor!”

Rey laughed at his grumpy tone. “Are you still mad I didn’t tell you right away?”

“YES.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Rey responded, but she was grinning at him.

They added story after story, laughing harder each time.

“What time is it?” Rey wondered out loud, wiping tears from her eyes.

“10:30,” Kylo told her. She gasped. “Cory, it’s way past your bedtime! We’ve got to get you home.”

Finn saw Poe bite his lip, and it made him nervous.

“Rey, if you think this is late, I won’t tell you what time we go to bed during sleepovers,” Poe snickered.

“I haven’t had a sleepover in a long time,” Cory said mournfully.

Poe grinned slyly. “We should have one tonight! We’re practically half way there.”

Cory lit up. “Sleep over! Sleep over! Sleep over!”

Finn narrowed his eyes at Poe.

“Besides,” Poe added, “I think I’ve had too much wine to drive.”

Rey frowned. “How am I supposed to get home?” Cory was still chanting ‘sleep over’ in the background. Kylo cleared his throat. “I can take you, I drove tonight.” Rey looked apprehensive.

Poe smiled again. “Excellent! Cory, Finn, and I will get some guy time, and Rey, you get a ride home and a house all to yourself.”

 _I’m going to kill you_ , Finn mouthed silently to Poe, who pretended not to see.

Rey sighed. “I suppose.”

Cory cheered. He hopped up to his mom and planted a kiss on her cheek. “Bye Mom! I love you!” He turned to Kylo next, throwing his thin arms around his neck. “Bye, Kylo! Can we play Star Wars again soon?”

Kylo chuckled. “Yeah, of course.”

Rey looked sharply at her son with raised brows. “It’s Kylo now?”

Kylo shifted. “I told him to call me that. Mr. Ren just feels..impersonal.”

Rey gave him a long look.

“Don’t give me that,” he told her.

“Give you what?”

“The mom look.”

“I am not!”

“You definitely are.”

Finn broke in. “Rey, your mom look is scary as…” He glanced at Cory. “…Heck.”

Rey got a mischievous look. “Scary…hmm I’ll keep that in mind.”

Kylo gestured to the table. “You want help cleaning up?” Poe waved him off. “You gotta get Rey home, she’s the one that needs the early bed time.

“I remember,” Kylo almost said.

They said their goodbyes and thank yous and made their way to Kylo’s car. The drive was filled with awkward pauses. He flipped through songs on his phone every other minute, almost jumping when Rey touched his hand.

“Stop. You know that bugs me. Just pick one.”

He handed her the phone. “You pick.”

She frowned at the phone. “How long have you had this?”

“Like a year?”

“You still have the factory wallpaper.”

Kylo shrugged. “I don’t really have anything to put on it.”

“No pictures of friends? Pets?”

He shook his head.

“Girlfriends?”

“No girlfriends,” he said crossly. A moment passed.

“Ever?” Rey asked softly.

“No one that mattered.”

Rey bit her lip and looked out the window.

“What about you?” His voice was tight.

She shook her head. “We moved around so much, it makes it kind of hard. And most guys don’t want to date someone with a kid already.”

Kylo nodded in understanding, but Rey knew those things weren’t the true reason she hadn’t been in a real relationship in six years.

They rode the rest of the way in silence. When they pulled up to Rey’s house, he surveyed the exterior with a slight smile. Rey watched his gaze move over the gabled roof, wide windows, and blossoming rose vines wrapped around the front porch.

“It’s charming,” he told her.

She scoffed. “I know it’s not some immaculate penthouse but-“

“Rey,” he broke in, his face earnest. “I mean it. It’s adorable. I love it.”

“Oh,” she said, voice small. “You want to come in for a drink for something?” She asked shyly. “I’ll give you a tour of all three of our rooms.”

Kylo felt a fluttering in his chest. “Sure.”

Rey kicked off her shoes inside the door, and Kylo lined his up in a neat row next to them. All the windows were wide open, and the sweet scent of blooming roses swept in on a warm breeze. Rey flipped on a couple lights as she walked into the kitchen and surveyed her small wine rack.

“We don’t really have anything fancy,” she called out.

“I really don’t mind, Rey.” His sonorous voice came close over her shoulder and she jumped. “I don’t know anything about wine,” he confessed.

“You brought a lovely, very expensive vintage to dinner.”

He shrugged with a crooked smile. “Assistant picked it out.”

She snorted derisively, shaking her head and picking a bottle at random. Kylo reached over her, trapping her between his arms, face-to-face. She sharply inhaled, eyes flickering to his lips, just inches from her own. He opened up a cupboard and pulled out two wine glasses, then stepped away from her. He laughed at her incredulous expression.

“You always kept the wine glasses wherever was closest to the wine. Lucky guess.”

He looked around her kitchen, evaluating the items on the counter while chewing his lip. “And the corkscrew is in here,” he predicted, opening a drawer adjacent to the oven. He pulled out a corkscrew with a flourish. “Ah ha!”

Rey was laughing now. “That’s almost creepy.” Kylo grinned at her. “You can be very predictable.”

“Old habits, you know?”

Kylo uncorked the wine, standing closer than necessary to fill her glass. They leaned against the counters in the kitchen for a while, chatting about Kylo’s work and Rey’s plans for the house.

“My bedroom is a pretty big mess right now, one of the walls is exposed brick, except I think it’s too exposed.”

“Oh? I could help you work on that if you want.”

“But I love the way it looks right now,” Rey responded, starting down the short hallway towards her room. Kylo peered into Cory’s room as they passed, smiling at the excessive number of Star Wars posters on the wall. He wasn’t watching his steps, and bumped into Rey, nearly knocking her over. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her towards him instinctively.

“I forgot how clumsy you are,” Rey muttered.

“You told me it was endearing!”

Rey smiled faintly. “It is.” She flipped the light switch and the bulb flashed and then died.

“Damn,” she grumbled, then sighed. “Burned out. Of course I don’t have any extra bulbs around.”

“I’ll change it for you tomorrow.”

She gaped at him. “I don’t need you to change my lightbulbs!”

He glanced meaningfully at the high ceiling. “Do you have a ladder?”

She grimaced. “No.”

He gestured to his tall frame. "Human ladder."

Rey rolled her eyes, then pointed to a wall, and Kylo squinted at it. Even in the dim light from the hallway, he could see the brick needed heavy repairs. He poked and prodded at it, testing certain parts.

“This wouldn't be hard to fix but I’d have to round up some tools.”

“Why don’t you just ask your dad?”

Kylo snorted, his expression dark. “Yeah, I’ll just call him up. ‘Hey Dad! Sorry I haven’t talked to you in a year, can I borrow your shit?”

Rey’s mouth twisted up. “It’s really been that long?”

Kylo turned back to the wall, scraping at the grout with one finger. “Yeah, and it didn’t go well. I don’t think he and my mom will ever get over what I did.”

Rey laid a hand on his upper arm, lightly squeezing, pulling him to face her. “Why don’t you just tell them you’re sorry?”

He shook his head and swallowed. “It’s too late,” he said despondently. He met her gaze and they looked at each other in silence for several minutes.

“I missed you,” he said in a near-whisper, his voice husky.

“I missed you too,” Rey whispered. Her voice wavered. “Still do.”

He brushed the back of his hand against her cheek, and she leaned into his touch, resting a hand on his chest. He slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her close, wrapping both arms around her. She laid her head on his chest and breathed in deeply, taking in his scent. She forgot how big he felt around her, strong and impenetrable. She wanted to curl up in his arms and forget the world.

He pulled back from her and cupped one side of her face in his hand. Her heart felt like it was about to leap out of her chest and her breath grew shallow. He ran his thumb back and forth along the curve of her bottom lip. Heat pooled between her thighs and her limbs trembled. Unable to resist any longer, Rey raised up on her toes, tilting her face up to his.

Their lips met, the kiss hesitant. Then instinct took over, and he tightened her body to him, crushing his lips against hers. She opened her mouth in response, curling one hand into his hair and yanking him down against her with the other. Their kisses grew harder, more desperate. He kissed her greedily, feeling along her curves with starving hands. Kylo forgot how good she tasted, sweet and hot. Their kisses were broken only when Rey took the hem of his shirt and ripped it over his head. He roughly shoved the shoulders of her dress off and pulled it down around her waist, his hands cupping her unclothed breasts. She wriggled out of it the rest of the way, yanking her underwear off with it, and kicked them aside. She went to her knees, kissing and licking her way down his neck and torso first, while she grazed her nails along his back. She sprinkled kisses along his hips as she undid his pants, pulling them and his boxers off at the same time.

She gasped when he reached down and pulled her up by the shoulders. He slid his hands around her, palming her ass before moving to the curve of her thighs. Then he swung her up, hitching her against his hips. She wrapped her legs around him, thrilling at the feel of his flat abdomen against her clit. She ground into him, groaning at the pressure. He wrapped one large hand around the back of her neck, pulling her closer to grasp its soft skin between his teeth. She shivered as he sucked and kissed down to the hollow of her neck, then back up to her lips again. She wove fingers into his hair, yanking him to her for a bruising, wide-mouthed kiss that lasted forever. He carried her to her dresser, sweeping aside the few items on top, and set her down on it. He pulled her to the edge, lining up their hips. He gave her a positively wicked grin, his brown eyes dark and wide in the low light. Then he sank into her, rocking his hips up to slide his length along every part of her. Rey inhaled sharply at the pressure, she forgot how big he was. One hand moved to grasp his back, digging her nails into his skin as she bucked her hips up against his. He thrusted into her, a little harder and faster each time. She gripped the edge of the dresser with her other hand to give her purchase, allowing her to grind her hips up every time Kylo pushed into her. He groaned loudly, a long, deep sound that rumbled through Rey’s body and sent thrills through her.

“Ah, fuck, Kylo,” Rey breathed. He let out another toe-curling moan, pumping into her deeper and harder. He leaned forward briefly, his whisper hot in her ear. “Say my name.”

“Kylo,” she moaned. God, he'd missed that sound. Rey, writhing and wet under his touch, saying his name like a plea and a curse, begging for more. He felt her clamp down around him and he almost came right then, but he wanted to feel her come first. He slowed down his pace just enough to steady a finger against her clit. He rubbed in soft circles while he fucked her, her gasps and cries bringing him closer and closer to coming. “Come for me, Rey,” his tone almost pleading. Rey knew he wanted to see her come undone, shaking and shouting his name. Part of her wanted to stretch it out, keep it from him, but God she wanted it. One more flick of his finger and pump of his cock in her tight cunt and she was drowning in heat and pure ecstasy, crying out his name. Kylo swore when he felt her flutter around him, following her over the edge. Rey bucked her hips up, riding his orgasm with him and reveled in the feeling of him pulsing into her.

They collapsed against each other, panting and satisfied. Kylo cupped her face in both hands, pressing into a long, deep kiss, before picking her up and carrying her to her bed. They crawled under the covers, kissing and laughing, and found their favorite cuddling position like they had never been apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey's song is I Do by Susie Suh. Listen to it, it's melt-worthy.


	5. Chapter 5

Rey woke to sunshine. As she opened her eyes, the previous night flooded back to her and she groaned. Then she reached out for Kylo, but her arm hit empty sheets. She sat up, calling out for him, then padded into the kitchen.

“Kylo?”

The house was silent. She fumed,  _Of course, got a nice romp and then he’s off. Probably at the bloody office. The wanker!_ Rey stomped to the bathroom, roughly brushing her teeth while she waited for the shower to warm. She was in the middle of rinsing her hair when she heard the front door slam.

“Rey?”

“In here!”

Rey peeked her head around the sliding shower door. “I thought you left.”

“I did, I went to get us breakfast, and this.” He held up a package of lightbulbs.

“Oh.” She felt guilty. “I thought you _left_ left.”

Hurt flashed on Kylo’s face. “I wouldn’t do that,” he said, stepping just inside the shower to pull her to him for a kiss. A second kiss led to a third, and soon she was pressed hard against him, naked and soaking.

“I’m getting your shirt all wet,” she half-protested, eyeing his chest.

 “You could just take it off,” Kylo smirked as she quickly obeyed.

 “I’m getting your pants all wet too,” she murmured wryly. In a few seconds Kylo’s clothes were a pile on the floor and he stood before her, naked again.

 Rey traced the hard planes of his chest while he nibbled on her ear. He grabbed her hips, pulling her against him. She groaned at his hard cock pressing into her flat stomach. Suddenly, he turned her around, grinding his cock against the curve of her ass while he reached from behind, pressing two fingers into her slit. He teased her clit with his other hand, savoring every one of her sighs and shudders.

 Soon Rey was squirming against him, legs weak, moaning. She reached out to steady herself against the shower wall in front of her and Kylo leaned, adding sucking kisses along her neck, enjoying the water running in rivulets down her pert breasts. She ground her hips against his groin, feeling every stroke of his hand sear through her. Finally, she broke.

 “Kylo,” she gasped, “I want you inside of me.” He smirked and pinched a nipple with his other hand, tweaking it gently between his fingers until she begged. “Please,” she panted.

 He dipped into her again, gliding a finger along her clit until she gasped. She was shaking in earnest now, pushing into him with every inch of her body as she rose closer to climax. The sounds she made were driving Kylo over the edge. He spun her around, picked her up, and hitched her against his hips. Her cheeks glowed hotly and her eyes were glassy. Carefully, he stepped out of the shower.

 “What are you doing?” She asked, in between landing bites and kisses along his jaw.

 “Remember last time?” He said, eyeing the slender scar on her shoulder from the shower door.

 Rey grinned against his mouth and laughed. “Yes.”

 “I’d rather skip the ER today.” He gently fell back onto her bed, pulling her on top of him. She wasted no time, positioning herself over. She took him into her, moaning as his shaft stretched her tight. Kylo gasped and his head fell back as she set immediately into a wild pace. She rode hard, breathing a quiet “fuck,” every time his head breached her g-spot. She clenched around him and they both groaned. She dug her nails into his chest, his recoil of pain pushed his rough cock up into her even harder. He kneaded her breasts and then gripped her hips, sinking his fingers into their toned curves. The bruising pressure of his hands hurt but she arched her back, allowing the pain to mix in with the ecstasy. She shook more with every thrust. The water from the shower cooled on their skin, chilling their skin and heightening each bite, scratch, pulsing penetration.   

 “I want to feel you fucking come,” Rey growled at him, and he almost did. Kylo reached a hand down, rubbing her clit. Rey keeled over onto him, and they came together, Kylo moaning her name as she shivered and fluttered around him.

 She buried her face in his neck as he exhaled, enjoying the view of her back and ass bent over him, his cock softening in her. She was panting still--long, satisfied breaths. Kylo pressed his hand into hers, and breathed in the smell of her hair amidst their sweat and sex.

 Finally, she slipped off, nestling on the bed next to him. “I have to go get Cory,” she sighed.

“I can take you.”

She shook her head. “I’ll drive.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Why are you taking the bus and getting rides from Poe if you have a car?”

“It’s a junker. 23 years old. Like 270,000 miles on it. It’s not safe, I don’t feel good driving Cory around in it.

"Why don't you just get a new one?"

Rey snorted. “Yeah, okay, I’ll just go get that $6,000 I have laying around.” Her tone was biting.

“So let me drive you.”

“No, Kylo.” Rey swung off the bed and started rummaging through her dresser for something to wear. He propped himself up on his elbows to watch her dress.

“Why not?”

Rey scoffed. “You really need to ask? I don’t want to explain to Cory why I left with you last night and also came back with you this morning.”

“Tell him I picked you up.”

“You live clear on the other side of town.”

“He won’t know that.”

Rey huffed, shoving her wet hair into a bun. “Just, _no,_ Kylo, okay? Stop pushing.”

“I’m not pushing!” Kylo got up from the bed.

“Yes you are, you always push! I bet you’re going to ask me again to spend time with Cory and me.”

“Well, I _should_ be spending time with him.”

“You’re practically a stranger,” Rey countered.

“I’m his father!” Kylo’s voice rose, and his neck crawled with the prickly sensation he got right before he lost his temper.

She let out a derisive laugh. “No, you’re just some guy who bought us lunch and came to dinner.” Her words stung.

“And whose fault is it that I’m just some guy, Rey?”

She didn’t answer, going into the bathroom. He followed, growing angrier by the second. “You should have told me, I could’ve been there.”

Rey actually started laughing, a cold, bitter sound. “Kylo, you have _never_ been there for me.”

His jaw clenched, and his hands shook a little. Hurt raced through him, quickly washed out by fury. “I could have at least helped out with the bills.”

“Throw money at it, of course that’s what you’d do.” Rey stared, then shook her head with another harsh laugh. She picked up his clothes, throwing them at his chest. “You haven’t changed at all. This was a mistake. I think you should go.”

Kylo didn’t argue, but only because he was too angry to talk. He dressed quickly and stomped out of the house, slamming the door so hard the whole front wall shuddered. Rey heard a loud rustling noise, followed by a string of swear words, then his car start and peel away with screeching tires.

She sat on her bed, putting her face into her hands, and burst into tears. After a few minutes, she wiped her face and sighed. “Don’t let him do this to you,” she told her red-eyed reflection in her dresser mirror.

She moped into the kitchen, where she found a bag of delicate pastries and two cups of coffee. She pulled the lids off, they had cooled considerably. One was black – Kylo’s. She took a sip from the other and almost started crying again. It was perfect, exactly how she liked it. It made her furious. She went to dump it out, then stopped. “Shouldn’t waste perfectly good coffee.” She angrily sipped all the way to Poe and Finn’s, swearing and growling as her ancient car whined, rumbled, and smoked. 

* * *

Kylo was not much better. His hands shook on the wheel and his right leg stung and bled from where he’d kicked one of Rey’s rose bushes. He smiled grimly to himself – kicking a thorned plant was among one of the dumber things he’d done while angry. He still wanted to break something, but instead he drove straight to his office. The building was deserted. Nearly alone in a 35 story building, he buried himself in paperwork and reports for the rest of the day.

Poe and Finn were eating blueberry pancakes with Cory on the patio when they heard Rey stomp up the stairs, followed by the crash of their front door shutting violently.

Finn’s head snapped to Poe, and he pointed an accusatory finger. “What did I tell you? This is your mess, you better fix it.” Poe looked morose.

“Cory, why don’t you go pack your things?” Poe suggested. The child obliged, stopping on the way to give his mom a hug and kiss. As soon as he left the kitchen, her cheerful façade crumbled. Poe and Finn carried dishes in, casting nervous glances at her, waiting for her to talk. Instead she pushed Poe aside and started vigorously scrubbing dishes.

“I’m so stupid,” she spat, slamming a soapy dish down onto another.

“What happened, Rey?” Finn asked, voice kind.

She clanged more dishes around. “We fucked and then we fought. That’s all we ever do.”

“That’s not true,” Poe objected. Finn glared at him. Rey’s shoulders slumped and she stared at the hot water splashing off a plate.

“No,” she sighed. “You’re right.” Poe flashed Finn a smug look, to which he rolled his eyes. Rey resumed her assault on the dishes. “But I can’t just think about the good stuff. Even if it was really good stuff.” Rey blushed and looked at her two best friends. "I blame Poe,” she declared, pointing a soapy hand at him.

“What did Poe do?” The question came from Cory, who hauled a heavy backpack half his bodyweight into the kitchen. Rey gawked as she hefted the bag. “What in the fu—Cory, what is in here? Dead animals?”

Cory rolled his eyes in a very Finn-like manner and she decided he needed some more friends.  “Finn gave me some books.”

“Feels like he bought half the store,” Rey grumbled.

Finn colored. “Just four. Or five. Maybe six.”

Rey pursed her lips. “You guys are spoiling him.”

“It’s our job!” Poe grinned.

“Don’t think you’re off scot-free,” Rey growled at Poe as she ushered Cory to the door. “Stop meddling. Everyone stop meddling!”

Finn sputtered. “I had nothing to do with this!”

“What’s meddling?” Cory inquired.

“Something never to do to our friends,” Rey answered as they started down the stairs, raising her voice for Poe and Finn’s benefit.

* * *

Monday morning, Kylo smothered a yawn as he watched Hux negotiate with the board of Imperial Technologies. Snoke proposed the friendly takeover nearly a year before. Hux, ever the ass-kissing fanboy, immediately agreed with Snoke. Kylo was more neutral about it, saying they should be cautious, but really, he didn’t care. Imperial Tech was a powerhouse, but they had run into trouble more than once for poor quality control, especially with their Stormtrooper guidance systems, which were notoriously inaccurate. While the prospect of owning Stormtrooper tech was enticing, Kylo didn’t relish the idea of having to overhaul the entire QA department. He finally had First Order’s QA up to his personal standards, a feat of which he was very proud.

From the rest of the meeting attendees’ perspectives, Kylo appeared to be thoughtfully jotting notes in his leather-bound notebook.

 _“Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck, Hux is a little prick.”_   Kylo scribbled in his bold, all-caps handwriting.

Snoke looked at Kylo and narrowed his eyes with a bit of a smirk, like he knew what Kylo was doing. Kylo was on the other end of the conference table, but he closed his notebook anyway with a little shiver. Snoke always seemed to know, it was like he had special powers. _Snoke would be a Sith lord or something,_ Kylo mused, trying not to smile.

The meeting dragged for another two and a half hours. At the end of the meeting, Imperial Technologies announced they favored the merger, but wanted more information. After they left, Snoke told Kylo to prepare a comprehensive report on the timeline and general logistics of merging departments by the next meeting in a month. Kylo ticked off the departments in his head. _Design, development, testing, quality, production…_ He wanted to cry a little. Or punch holes in some office walls. Maybe both. Sometimes he wondered why he was COO of one of the biggest tech companies west of Chicago. _I could be writing music and jamming with the rest of The Resistance right now._

He slogged through hours of reports, conference calls, and organizing information in preparation for the next meeting. All day, Rey’s voice echoed in his head. “ _Kylo, you have_ never _been there for me.”_   Every time, the hurt was as fresh as when she first said it. He tried to repress memories of their past fights and falling outs. Maybe Rey was right.

When he got home and set his keys on the counter, the sound rattled though his spacious penthouse apartment. He stood in semi-darkness for a few minutes, evaluating the cold, open space. The industrial minimalism and dark colors usually felt refined and clean to him, but today it just felt empty. He poured an excessively large glass of bourbon before sitting down at his grand piano and playing the most depressing song he could think of. As he moved into the next song, he tried not to think about how Rey and Cory’s voices would sound as they rose in happy chatter, the contented buzz filling his empty home.  


	6. Chapter 6

Rey looked in voiceless horror at Snap’s hands. Finn was running his hands through his close-cropped hair, muttering “No, no, no, no.” Poe looked on in grim resignation.

Rey finally found her voice. “How did this happen?”

“A house fell on me.”

“A _house_?!”

“I was helping my brother with his renovations and one of the support beams snapped. A bunch of stuff fell on me and squished my hands. Guess it wasn’t very supportive,” Snap explained, examining his brightly colored casts.

“How many bones are broken?”

Snap started silently counting, mouthing off the numbers. Then he shrugged. “A lot.”

Rey slumped forward on the ratty couch in her garage. “We have a show at First Ave in two weeks. It’s already sold out!”

Snap shrugged again. “You’re going to have to find a replacement.”

Finn, Poe, and Snap exchanged knowing looks. Rey immediately caught on, gaping at them. “Oh no. You can’t be serious.”

“He’s the only other person that could do it on such short notice,” Poe insisted.

Rey vehemently shook her head. Finn’s mouth twisted. “I absolutely hate to say this, but he’s right.”

“Thanks, honey,” Poe said dryly. Finn rolled his eyes.

They all stared at each other. Finally Rey gave in, letting out a strangled growl. “Bloody hell. Fine! I’ll call him. But I hate you all. Especially you, Snap!”

Snap attempted naivety. “How is this my fault?”

Rey made another angry noise in the back of her throat. “You depend on your hands for a living. No more construction!”

Snap rubbed Rey’s upper arm consolingly. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Not likely,” she snapped, as she stormed away to call Kylo. 

* * *

Kylo sat cross-legged on the floor of his living room, papers and empty cups of coffee spread out around him, hair mussed. His cellphone buzzed and he almost ignored it, figuring it was Hux pestering him with something or another. “It’s too late for this shit,” he grumbled, before answering without looking at the screen.

“What.”

“Um, hi?”

Kylo’s stomach dropped. “Rey?”

“Yeah.”

Kylo worked his mouth, struggling to think of something to say. Rey beat him to it.

“We need you to play the keys. Snap broke all the bones in his hands. We have a huge show at First Ave in two weeks.”

Kylo didn’t know what to say. “Finn and Poe are okay with this?”

“It was _their_ idea,” she stated, in a tone that clearly communicated _“And absolutely not mine.”_

“Are you okay with this?” He ventured.

“I don’t think I really have a choice.”

 _Ouch._ He licked his lips. “Okay, when and where?”

“We practice every night at my house, be there at 7.”

“Every night??”

“Yeah, every night, you must remember what it’s like.”

He sighed. “I do, it’s just – work is really intense right now.”

“So are you in or not?” Rey sounded impatient.

“I’m in. I’ll be there tomorrow.”

“Good. Don’t fuck this up.”

Rey hung up without another word, fuming. She couldn’t even blame Poe for interfering this time. She had the whole universe to blame for this. _Fate has a sick sense of humor._  

* * *

The next night, Kylo stood in front of Rey’s house, running his clammy hands on his jeans. He wasn’t sure whether to knock on the front door or the garage. He berated himself for not asking Rey for music ahead of time, or whether to bring his own keyboard, or any of the other basic things he needed to know. In the end, he didn’t have to decide, because the garage door creaked up, revealing the band members clustered inside.

“Hi Kylo!” Poe cheerfully called out, waving him in. Fat raindrops dripped off the door, plunking on Kylo’s neck as he stepped inside.

Rey didn’t look up from where she was tuning her guitar. “Sick of this weather. It’s May! It’s too cold and rainy.” She sounded very crabby.

“I kind of like it,” Kylo said, immediately biting his lip as Rey frowned at him.

“You should be living in Seattle,” she muttered, half to herself.

“Hey Snap, how you been?” Kylo attempted a nonchalant tone. Snap was stretched out on the couch, looking glum. “I have less unbroken bones than I did last I saw you,” he lamented, holding up his hands. “But other than that, pretty good! It’s nice to be back home. Missed my family and stuff.”

“Seems like people who grow up here always come back,” Kylo remarked, eyeing Rey.

“Minnesota is pretty good place,” Snap added.

“Okay enough small talk, we need to get moving,” Rey barked crossly. “Snap’s going to get you up to speed. There’s the keyboard. Kylo, you’re going to have to do synth too.” She pointed Kylo to one side of the garage. Snap followed Kylo over, standing behind one shoulder as Kylo surveyed the keyboard and electronic equipment.

“Okay, we’re starting with ’24.’” Rey instructed them.

“Do you have music or something?” Kylo urgently asked Snap. 

“Ummm, somewhere. I’ll get it for you after practice.”

Kylo paled. “But how am I supposed to play?”

“Just chill, it’s fine. Listen for the first few rounds, I’ll tell you what to play.”

“Could you write it down or something?”

Snap scowled at him and Kylo winced. “Oh right, sorry.” Snap pulled up the synth tracks on the computer, carefully poking keys one at a time with his thumb.

Rey and the others launched into the song, a mid-tempo number with a soft synth track. Kylo didn’t listen closely to the first verse, trying to pick up the flow of the group. When Rey got to the chorus, Kylo tuned into the actual lyrics, then felt like he was punched in the stomach.

“And I’m 24 hours gone,

And I’ve thought of you during every single one

And in 24 days, or 24 weeks, or 24 months,

I know that will be 24 days, or weeks, or months,

That I thought of you during every single one.”

Rey only sang, hands wrapped around the microphone and moving to the beat while her guitar was on a stand nearby. She avoided Kylo’s gaze while she sang.

“This song is about you,” Snap stage-whispered into Kylo’s ear.

“Yeah, thanks, I kind of caught that part.”

Snap flashed him a sympathetic look. Rey wrote nearly all their lyrics, and Kylo realized several of their songs were about their relationship, but listening to her sing them in person wasn’t something he prepared for. He tried to focus on his instructions for the rest of the practice and not think about the lyrics.  

After about an hour, Kylo had actually started playing. Rey tried not to watch while he focused on the keys with intense concentration, his brows drawn into a shallow V. At some point, he’d rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. Rey tried not to smile, they were always unevenly rolled. She followed the curve of his biceps down to his forearms; they still had the finely muscled lines of a musician. His eyes flickered up and he caught her staring at him, but she didn’t look away. She kept singing while they looked at each other and Rey felt like she was 21 again, watching Kylo play the songs they wrote and sang together. She missed his voice and wondered if she should write his vocals back into some of the songs. She brushed the thought off. This wasn’t permanent, she reminded herself. And the future of The Resistance was unsteady now that they were all back in their home state, with Finn and Poe buying a condo and looking for full time work. Rey didn’t know where they were all going, but she knew they would be together. The thought was bittersweet.

By the end of the practice, Kylo was exhausted. Rey kept up a punishing pace, having them redo songs and verses over and over until she was satisfied with the sound.

As they packed up, Kylo sidled over to Rey. “How’d I do?” It was the second thing he’d said to her directly all night.

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye while she wound up some cords and placed them in a neat pile. “You did really good,” she grudgingly admitted. Kylo broke into a wide smile. “But you still need a lot of work. Snap will get you music.” She handed him a few CDs. “These are the only thing you listen to for the next two weeks.”

“Yes ma’am,” he responded, flashing her another smile. She returned it with a small one of her own before moving away.

Kylo wished everyone goodnight with an elated smile. He smiled the whole drive home and all the way into bed. The last thing he thought of before he fell asleep was Rey staring at him while she sang. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm obviously not a musician, so my musician readers, if I'm butchering terms and writing glaring flaws, please tell me so I can fix it!


	7. Chapter 7

Saturday morning, Kylo was pulled out of a particularly peculiar dream about battling flying dolphins by his ringing phone. He rolled over with a groan, looking at the screen. Two missed calls from Rey. Alarmed, he answered the next call on the first ring.

“Rey? Is everything okay?”

“Hi Kylo, sorry to wake you up, but I need something.”

He waited for her to continue.

“I have an interview today at 10 for a job and then I’m going to see about a charter school for Cory and they are so tough, and want him to come in at some point and take all these tests, and my babysitter just called and cancelled. Poe and Finn are visiting Poe’s parents in Rochester and won’t be back until much later and Snap obviously can’t watch Cory because-“

He cut off her rambling. “Yes.”

“What?”

“I’ll watch him.”

She led out a relieved sigh and Kylo smiled. “Oh my god, thank you. I wouldn’t have called you unless it was absolutely an emergency.”

Kylo’s smile quickly turned into a frown. “You could have just stopped at ‘thank you.’  When do you want me to be there? What time is it?”

“9:30. I mean, be here at 9:30. It’s 8 right now.”

“Okay, I’ll see you guys then. And Rey? You don’t need to apologize for calling me. I’m happy to watch him.”

“Thanks Kylo.”

Kylo rang Rey’s doorbell at 9:30 sharp. Cory answered, wearing a matching set of Darth Vader pajamas, bedhead hair sticking up in the back. “Hi Kylo! Mommy says you’re taking me shoe shopping.”

“Oh really?” He replied mildly, stepping inside and scanning for Rey. She rushed out of her bedroom, dressed in a flattering pencil skirt and silky blouse. But she looked harried as she darted back and forth, gathering up papers and a notebook and shoving them into her purse.

“Thank you again, Kylo! He needs to get dressed and brush his teeth. Can you take him to get new sneakers? I left cash on the counter.” She shoved her feet into a pair of nude pumps and dropped a kiss on Cory’s cheek. “Be good, love. I’ll see you later.”

And then she was out the door. Cory looked up at Kylo with an expectant expression and Kylo suddenly felt awkward.

“Ahhh, ummm, do you need help getting dressed?”

“Noooo,” Cory said in a singsong voice.

“Did you eat breakfast?”

Cory tilted his head slightly. “Well, yes…”

“Do you want to go to the Pancake House?”

Cory jumped up and down. “Yes!! What is the Pancake House?”

Kylo smiled and nudged Cory to his bedroom. “They have the best pancakes. Go get ready.”

Cory came back a few minutes later and Kylo tried not to laugh. “Sure you want to wear that?”

He had a tan suit jacket layered over a bright orange t-shirt featuring X-Wings, paired with shorts featuring a neon tree frog pattern. The sneakers Kylo assumed Rey wanted him to replace lit up as he walked into the kitchen. Kylo fingered the collar of the jacket. “This looks a little fancy. You sure your mom is okay with you wearing it out?”

“Yes,” Cory said blithely. Kylo suspected that wasn’t true but didn’t say anything.

“We need to fix your hair.” Cory followed him into the bathroom. Kylo found a comb in the top drawer and looked under the sink for some kind of hair product. He snatched out a pot of styling cream that he figured Rey probably used once before stuffing it away.

Cory eyed him. “How do you know where everything is?”

Kylo smirked. “Ask your mother when she comes back.”

It didn’t take him long to tame the cowlick on the back of Cory’s head; his hair behaved almost identically to Kylo’s, which he found both endearing and surreal.

Kylo felt his anxiety melting away as they drove to the restaurant and ordered breakfast. He had never been good with kids but Cory wasn’t hard to get along with; he had Rey’s charm and penchant for endless rambling. Cory chattered all the way through breakfast and into the shopping mall, asking Kylo question after question about Kylo’s work in between colorful stories about his time on tour with Rey and The Resistance.

When they parked and went inside the doors of the mall, Kylo instinctively grabbed Cory’s hand, nervously eyeing the crammed walkways and buzzing shops.

“What kind of shoes do you want, kid?”

“Like those.” Cory pointed to Kylo’s all-black Converse high tops, which Kylo had found at the bottom of a box after much hunting. Kylo smiled to himself, imagining Rey’s reaction. _Maybe we should get matching shirts, too._

They wandered around for far too long, consulting the huge maps at every corner. Kylo started to get frustrated after they passed the same store for the third time.

“I hope you got your mom’s sense of direction,” he told Cory, then immediately snapped his mouth shut, realizing how close he’d came to giving himself away. Cory didn’t seem to think much of the remark, content to walk around hand-in-hand with Kylo.

They finally found the right store, and Kylo sagged gratefully into a chair while the sales associate fitted Cory. After picking the right size, Cory insisted on wearing them out of the store. Kylo stuffed his old shoes into the bag, thanked the cashier, and ventured out of the store, grabbing Cory’s hand again.

“I need to go to the bathroom!” Cory told Kylo. They found one not far away, and Kylo leaned against the wall outside the door, scrolling through numerous emails from Hux. After ten minutes had passed, he pocketed his phone, frowning. _He’s taking a long time._  He walked into the bathroom, calling Cory's name to no answer. Growing more concerned, Kylo peaked under the stall doors, looking for a small pair of black high tops. Nothing. His heart started to pound as he rushed outside, whipping his head around as he scanned the crowds for Cory, feeling grateful that his freakish height gave him the advantage. Far down one hallway, he saw a burly mall cop bent over to talk to a small figure. Cory. Relieved beyond words, Kylo practically ran to their side. The cop looked up as he approached.

“You his dad?” The cop asked.

“Yes,” Cory answered for Kylo. He slammed to a stop, staring slack jawed at both the cop and Cory.

“I lost him at the bathrooms, he must have slipped right past me,” Kylo explained, his voice horse and mind still reeling.

“Happens all the time,” the cop said with a wave of his hand. “Just be a little more careful.”

“Definitely,” Kylo forced out, grabbing Cory’s hand.

“Thank you Mr. Policeman!” Cory called after them. The big man smiled and waved as they walked away.

“We should go home, it’s getting late.”

Cory didn’t protest. Kylo was quiet on the way back, trailing behind him as Cory ran into the house. Rey’s car was on the street in front of her house, as well as Poe’s.

He pushed open the door to see the four of them sitting around the kitchen table, chatting. Cory was holding one foot up in the air, pointing at his shoes. She gave Kylo a slightly perturbed shake of her head as she glanced meaningfully at his own shoes and the cash he’d purposefully left on the counter. He shrugged at her apologetically.

Kylo leaned against the bar counter, arms crossed as he waited for Rey to ask him about the trip.

“It went well?” She asked when Cory paused to take a breath.

Cory’s bulged his cheeks with a held breath, waiting for Kylo to tell his mom about the bathroom incident. Instead, Kylo asked him a question.

“Cory, can you tell your mom who you think I am?”

“You’re my dad,” he stated simply.

Rey, Finn, and Poe’s jaws dropped simultaneously. Rey’s eyes bored holes into Kylo’s.

“What did you tell him?” She hissed.

“Absolutely nothing,” he retorted.

She looked back at her son with wide eyes. Then she started to laugh. The rest of them looked on with concerned faces as she continued to laugh harder and harder, slumping over the table and hysterically laughing into her hands. Finally she straightened up and wiped tears from her eyes.

“Well,” she chortled. “So much for that.”

Cory wrinkled his little nose at her. “You’re bad at keeping secrets.”

Her jaw dropped again. “What are you talking about? I never said anything to you.”

Cory huffed, crossing his arms. “Mom, I’m not dumb. I look just like him. And I have a picture.” He dashed off to his room, reappearing with a faded and worn photograph, waving it in Rey’s face. She grabbed it, and Kylo leaned in over her shoulder to look at it. The photo was of Rey and Kylo during their last summer together. Rey was laughing at some long-forgotten remark, head tilted back in the sunshine. Kylo had her guitar in one arm and his other around her shoulders, as he pressed a sloppy kiss to her cheek. Her skin was a deep gold from time in the sun, his featured a smattering of freckles. Rey snorted, tracing a finger around Kylo’s head. “I was so mad when you got that stupid undercut. You looked like such a hipster.”

Kylo gently shoved her shoulder, grinning. “And what exactly are you wearing, Ms. Non-Hipster? Would those be high-waisted shorts and a cropped band shirt? _MY_ t-shirt, if I remember correctly, that you so callously chopped up.”

Rey grinned back. “I looked good in it, and you know it.” Kylo just shoved her shoulder again.

They looked to the rest of the group, who were watching them with matching smirks.

Rey did her best to frown at Cory. “Where did you get this?”

He pointed at Poe, whose jaw dropped. “I absolutely did not give that to him.”

Cory huffed. “Did too. In that album.”

Poe made a face and groaned. “I gave him an album of photos from the band’s old days. I thought I took out all the ones with Kylo. No offense, buddy.” Kylo just shrugged.

Rey shook her head. “This photo doesn’t prove anything, Cory.”

He took a deep breath, then launched into his explanation in a grave voice. “I am five years old. Babies take 40 weeks to make.” He pointed at the photo. “There’s a date on the back. If you do the math, Mommy started making me after that photo.” He finished with a satisfied look.

Rey glared at Poe and Finn. “Are you letting him watch Sherlock again? I told you not to let him watch that!”

Poe blanched. “Maybe,” Finn squeaked out. Cory was noticeably quiet on the matter, then perked up, looking at Kylo with hopeful eyes. “Does this mean I have a grandma and grandpa? Can I meet them?”

“Hooboy,” Finn mumbled under his breath. Poe grimaced at him sideways and they began to inch out of the kitchen.

Cory looked from Rey to Kylo and Rey looked at Kylo, who looked at the ground. “Yes,” he finally sighed. Cory whooped with excitement. “Let’s go visit them!”

Kylo uneasily shifted his weight back and forth, gaze darting to Rey.

“Just call your mom,” she urged him.

“And say what?” He fairly hissed.

Rey shrugged. “Apologize or something. Tell them you want to see them.”

Kylo shook his head violently. “Nope, they definitely don’t want to see me.”

Rey pursed her lips and folded her arms. “Does your mom still call you?”

Kylo scowled at her. “From time to time. But not my dad.”

Rey sighed. “You’re their son, I KNOW they want to see you.”

Kylo still wavered. Rey jerked her head towards Cory. “Look at him.” Cory gave Kylo a pair of heart-wrenching puppy dog eyes that Kylo was sure were exaggerated for his benefit.

He caved, rubbing his eyes. “Okay, I’ll call them tomorrow. This will absolutely not go well. I’m saying it now. I just want everyone to know I said it.”


	8. Chapter 8

Kylo didn’t call his mom the next day, or the one after that. Cory asked him about it every night at band practice, and he scrambled for excuses while Rey frowned at him. Still, he put it off for several days, finally dialing up one of the few numbers he had memorized.

He shredded the edges of a piece of paper while the phone rang, leaving piles of white particles all over his desk.

The line clicked. “Hello?”

“Hi Mom.”

“Ben.” It wasn’t a question, but her voice was disbelieving.

“Yeah, it’s me. How are you?”

While the conversation with his mom was short and somewhat awkward, he had to admit that she did sound happy that he called her, instead of the other way around. She brightened even more when he asked if he could visit, citing vague reasons like “putting things right” and other clichés that made him cringe.

“How about tonight?” She asked. “We can barbeque or something.” Leave it to Leia Organa not to waste a single hour. Kylo didn’t have any excuse. _Might as well get it over with,_ he thought glumly.

“Sure. Do you want me to bring anything?”

“Lots of patience.” An undercurrent of warning swam in her voice. They both knew seeing Han might not go well. Throughout the conversation, Kylo kept opening his mouth to tell Leia about Cory. Every time he tried, he couldn’t force the words out. They hung up without him telling her and anxiety grew in the pit of his stomach. His mom did not enjoy surprises.

Kylo collected Cory with Rey’s blessing and they drove to the quiet suburb where his parents lived, south of the cities. Kylo tried to smile and respond to Cory during the 30 minute drive, but his eyes were tight and his knuckles white around the steering wheel. They pulled up to the curb of their modest, tidy house and Kylo slumped over the steering wheel, staring into the kitchen window from his car.

“Wait here,” he instructed Cory. “They’re probably in the back. I need to talk to them first, then I’ll come get you.” Cory nodded and Kylo hopped out and took even, measured steps around the back of the house to the patio. Han was at the grill, scowling at smoking hamburger patties. Leia was nowhere to be seen.

“Hey, Pops.”

Han slowly turned, brandishing an oversized spatula. He transferred his scowl to his son, his bushy white eyebrows bunching into one long line of dissatisfaction. “You got a lot of nerve, showing up here.”

Kylo felt his anger rise, then thought of Cory’s wide brown eyes, asking “Can I meet them?” He pushed the anger down.

“Didn’t Mom tell you I was coming?” Kylo shook his own question off. “Never mind. I have, a thing, I mean, no not a thing. I have something to uh, someone. You should –“

Kylo cut off as Cory sprinted around the corner of their rambler, his moppy dark hair flying. He launched himself at Han, locking his thin arms around his neck. Han let out a very surprised “oof” but grabbed him before he fell. Cory had his head buried in Han’s neck, a series of small mumbles escaping.

“Well hey there little guy, who are you?”

Cory pulled his head back long enough to shout “Hi Grandpa!” in Han’s face.

Han’s eyebrows shot up. For the first time in Kylo’s life, Han didn’t have a snappy comeback.

“I, uh, you, you’re my—huh? What? Ben!!”

Kylo rubbed the back of his neck and rocked up and down on his heels. “Uhh surprise!” He tried to smile but it came out as a wince.

“Oh. My. GOD!”

Kylo spun at the sound of his mom’s voice. “Oh shit!” Kylo winced again. “Oh, shit!” He clapped his hand over his mouth. “I mean, oh, god, I don’t know.”

Cory giggled, pointing at Kylo. “Daddy said a bad word! Mommy’s gonna be maaaddd.”

Kylo realized Cory just called him ‘Daddy’ for the first time and tried not to hyperventilate. “You better not tell your mother about this.” He attempted to look stern. Cory just giggled again.

“Oh MY _god_! You got married and didn’t tell me!?” Leia smacked Kylo upside the head, a gesture of frustration that left no pain. “How could you not tell your own mother?”

“Oww!”

“Daddy, you can’t be married, you have to marry Mommy!”

“Ben Solo, are you cheating on your wife with the mother of my grandchild?” Han bellowed at Kylo.

Kylo grabbed handfuls of his hair with both hands. “I AM NOT MARRIED TO ANYONE.”

Leia smacked Kylo again. “You knocked a girl up and didn’t marry her? What’s wrong with you!? I raised you better!”

Kylo wanted to cry. “Can everyone just BE QUIET.” His voice came out much louder than he anticipated, but it worked. They fell blessedly silent.

Kylo huffed. “Let’s start over. Hi Mom, hi Dad, this is Cory, my child that I didn’t know existed until about three weeks ago. I am not married and I don’t plan to get married. Okay? Everyone clear on everything?”

Silence for a beat, then Leia gasped. “OH my GOD I’m a grandma.” Kylo couldn’t help but laugh at her bewildered awe.

* * *

 

After a dinner filled with rapid-fire conversation, mostly between his parents and Cory, Leia coaxed Cory away from the patio table for some yard games, casting a fierce glance over her shoulder at Kylo as she left him alone with Han.

Han disappeared into the house without a word, emerging with two glasses and some Jim Bean. He poured drinks for them, and then settled back into his chair. They sat in silence for a long while, watching Leia and Cory jabber and play, smiling when Cory talked her into climbing a tree with him.

Kylo knew he had to talk to Han, but it was the last thing he wanted to do. He watched Cory with Leia, thought about Cory launching himself into Han’s arms. _I have to._ Kylo cleared his throat and addressed Han without looking, pushing the words out before he could change his mind. “Dad? I’m sorry.” Han grunted in response.

“For letting First Order buy-out Millennium Falcon.”

Han was frowning now, voice dark, “Sorry fixes jack-all, Ben.”

Kylo twisted his hands. “I never got to explain.”

Han scoffed, leaned back in his chair, and took a big swig of his drink. “After all these years, now you tell me you have an explanation? Oh this will be delightful. Explain, Ben.”

Kylo held his mouth half-parted, trying to string the jumble of words in his head into sentences. He had held the truth back for so long, it seemed impossible to let it out now. He settled on directness. “Snoke was going to buy you out no matter what. He didn’t let me in on it until all the decisions were already in motion. He just…announced it to me. Then made it very clear that if I tried to interfere, I was out.”

Hun grunted again. “Great guy, that Snoke.”

Kylo agreed with a dark chuckle. “I said I would stay, but only if they gave you a fair price. Snoke was buying up a lot of small companies-mostly ones Millennium did business with. His plan was to slowly strangle you, drive you into the ground, then swoop in and buy you out for next to nothing. Totally ruin you.”

Han narrowed his eyes. “So you’re saying you _saved_ me, Ben? You let our family business get gobbled up by First Order and I’m supposed to what, thank you?”

“Of course not,” Kylo nearly growled, growing defensive. He took a shaky breath and continued in a calmer tone. “Millennium was going to end whether or not I was involved. I told Snoke that if I stayed, you got paid a more than fair price. I couldn’t stop him from taking over the other small companies.”

“First Order made it damned impossible to continue business. Snoke _did_ strangle us out of business.”

“But you didn’t lose everything!” Kylo protested. “It could have been so much worse.”

They sat in angry silence for a few minutes before Han let out a long breath.

“It could have been so much worse.” He snorted and tossed back the rest of his drink.

“If it makes you feel any better, I hate myself for the whole situation. I kept thinking about it, for years, trying to figure out what I could have done instead. There had to have been some way to save Millennium.”

Han chuckled. “It does make me feel a tiny bit better.” Then he shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. I don’t want you to hate yourself.”

They both sipped their drinks in sustained silence, but it was noticeably less tense. Kylo felt six years of crushing guilt start to crumble away in tiny pieces. _Maybe things can be fixed,_ he hoped.

Han finally turned to look at Kylo. “So where’s Rey?” He chuckled at Kylo’s surprise. “Who else would it be? He’s got her spunk.”

Kylo swirled the last sips of his drink in his glass. “Things are rather…complicated right now.”

Han snorted. “I’ll bet.”

Kylo shot him a sidelong glance, curious.

“I’ve never seen a couple fight so much.” He smirked, nostalgic. “Reminds me of your mom and me.”

Kylo smiled wryly. “I remember. And I remember you guys always made up.”

Han cleared his throat. “Not always. Before you were born…we had a really bad falling out. Things were really tough at Millennium. Then Leia told me she was pregnant, with you. I left.”

Kylo’s jaw dropped. He hesitated to use the word “loyal” to describe his father, but Han had always stood resolutely beside Leia.

“I disappeared for a while. Left her a little note, told her not to worry, but I knew she would anyway. I left her alone to manage the company.”

“But you came back.”

“I did.”

Kylo processed the information for a moment. “Why?”

Han glanced sidelong at him. “It kills me to say this, but I was afraid. Of the future, of commitment. Being in one place forever, with one person. The fighting and making up wore me down. And then I was going to be a dad. I couldn’t handle it.” Han looked ashamed. “Leia didn’t talk to me for two weeks after I got back. _She_ almost left.”

Kylo slowly shook his head. “I don’t understand how you made it work.”

Han’s weathered face softened in genuine tenderness. “It was you. The day you were born, the nurse placed you in my arms, and I looked down at this little squished, red face and mess of black hair, and you grabbed my finger with your hand – your fingers didn’t even make it all the way around. You were so fragile. It was terrifying. And I thought to myself, ‘I’ll do whatever it takes to protect this tiny human.’”

Unexpected tears crowded Kylo’s eyes. He tried to imagine Cory as a baby. He never got to hold him, to watch him grow up. He never even got the chance.

“Don’t think about what you missed, Ben,” Han said as if reading his mind. It’ll just rip you up inside. Try to understand it from Rey’s perspective.”

Kylo let out a heavy breath with a sharp shake of his head. “I’m trying. I just can’t.”

“Maybe you should give her a chance to explain.”

“I’ve asked her why she’s left, she hasn’t shared yet.” Kylo’s voice was tinged with bitterness.

“Give her time. She’s probably still terrified.” Han chuckled, “Patience was never really a strong suit of yours.”

Kylo’s jaw relaxed and he slumped back in his chair, deflated. “No,” he grudgingly admitted. “But six years isn’t enough time?”

Han shrugged. “Maybe not.” He gave a sidelong glance at Kylo. “Maybe she still sees you as the man she left all that time ago.”

Kylo grew defensive. “What does that mean?”

Han frowned at him. “You left The Resistance for a corporation of questionable morality, then First Order put your mom and me out of business. I really doubt she was thinking ‘ _This man will be a good father of my child’_ after that.”

Kylo grimaced. “That still doesn’t justify leaving forever.”

Han hesitated. “No,” he agreed with a sigh. “I doesn’t.”

They lapsed back into silence, tense with stormy thoughts. Kylo shot Han a side-long look. “Where was all this emotional stuff when I was a kid?”

Han gave a sardonic smile. “Sometimes life asks you to change and if you don’t, you watch everything that mattered to you disappear. I realized after you were born that I couldn’t run away from my problems. After I lost Millennium, I realized I was still running away, even if it wasn’t literal.”

Kylo combed a hand through his hair. “I need another drink,” he said wryly. Both men chuckled and Han poured another round. They sipped in silence again, but the atmosphere was companionable this time. Kylo didn’t remember feeling this much at ease with Han since he was little.

Han broke the silence with a final piece of advice as Cory and Leia made their way towards them. “Ben, if you did something that made Rey leave, fix it. If it wasn’t you, or whatever Rey did in the past, forgive her. Cory is more important now. You and Rey are the most stubborn people I know. Don’t let it ruin everything.”

Han’s words bounced around in Kylo’s head for the rest of the evening as they cleaned up dinner, said a long-good bye to Han and Leia, and started the drive home through the twilight.

* * *

 

On the way home, Cory’s cheer slowly melted into a sullen silence. Kylo wracked his brain trying to find the source. Finally he just asked.

“What’s wrong, kid?”

Cory folded his arms and huffed, staring out the window, but he answered.

“Why aren’t you going to marry Mom?”

Kylo’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“You said you weren’t going to get married. That means you don’t want to marry Mom.”

Understanding dawned in Kylo’s eyes as he recalled the remark he made to his parents.

“Cory,” he began uncertainly. “I don’t really think your mom would want to get married. She likes to do things by herself.” His smile was sad.

Cory was already shaking his head. “That’s not true.” Kylo didn’t argue – he didn’t know what to say.

“Sometimes I hear her crying. She thinks I’m asleep but I’m not.”  Cory’s voice was hoarse and pitiful. Knots twisted in Kylo until it hurt to breathe.

“Why do you think that?” He forced out.

Cory turned his head sideways at him with a knowing look far too wise for a six year-old child, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to.

“Your mom is a very…complicated person,” Kylo finally added. Cory shot him a befuddled look and Kylo searched for a better explanation for a young child but couldn’t think of one.

“Do you love her?”

Kylo’s jaw dropped slightly and he snapped it shut. _Yes_. “She is very special to me,” he answered carefully. Cory grimaced but didn’t press him further.

“Why do Gramma n’ Granpa call you ‘Ben?’”

“When I started working for First Order a long time ago, before I met your mom, I changed my name.”

“Why?”

Kylo’s mouth twisted. _Good question._ “Grandpa owned a business that competed with First Order. I didn’t want people to know Ben Solo left to join the ‘enemy.’ That’s what Grandma called them, ‘the enemy.’”

“Were they mad?”

Kylo thought back to the raging fights that left their voices hoarse. “Very mad, about a lot of things.” Cory didn’t respond, just looked glum.

“Hey Cory? Don’t tell Mom about what I said, about getting married. Okay?”

Cory nodded his head in understanding. “I won’t. Promise.” The hopeful glimmer in his eyes stirred Kylo’s anxiety and he wished he hadn’t said anything at all.


	9. Chapter 9

Finn stepped up next to Rey as she watched Kylo wave goodbye from his car after practice and drive off. She stared into the distance with her arms crossed and face slightly creased.

“Feeling ready for the show tomorrow?”

Rey didn’t respond.

“Must be nice where you are.”

Her eyelashes fluttered as she continued to wade through her thoughts.

“REY.”

She jumped and saw Finn next to her, a guilty smile slipping across her face. “Sorry! I was just thinking.”

“I noticed. Do you want to talk about it?”

Rey pursed her lips. “I think I made a mistake.”

Finn’s brow crinkled. “About what?”

“I’m not sure.”

The crinkles grew. “Okay…”

She let out a long breath and plopped down on the curb. Finn settled next to her, looking at her sideways and patiently waiting for her to continue.

“When I left, I was so…lost.”

“After you found out you were pregnant?”

She nodded slowly. “Kylo left the band. Then that thing with his dad’s company. Then I was pregnant. And you know, things weren’t wonderful right before that either. I never really forgave Kylo for not being there when my grandpa died.”

Finn ran his teeth over his bottom lip. “You know Kylo cared about Obi too. Obviously it’s different, but he did. Poe said something to me after he died, something Kylo had said. It sounded like he felt horrible about it.”

Rey scowled. “He could have let me in on it.”

“He was probably just trying not to dump more stress on you.”

Rey’s eyebrows shot up. “So that’s why he quit the band with no warning?”

“Yeah, guess that theory doesn’t really hold up.”

Rey shrugged. “Maybe so. He was always unpredictable.”

Finn snorted. “That’s a very nice way to put it.”  He sighed. “That was a long time ago. It seems like he’s changed.”

Rey glanced at him sharply. “You’re defending him a lot. You ran the anti-Kylo club for quite a while after we broke up.”

Finn shrugged, pushing sand and gravel around with his toe. “I make mistakes too.” He smiled gently at her, and she returned it, resting her head on his shoulder.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m not sure. Cory loves him. He already calls him ‘Dad.’ And Kylo obviously cares about him a lot. I think. But that’s not enough. I feel nervous. I keep waiting for something to happen.”

“Like what?”

Rey shrugged, her shoulder bumping his arm. “I don’t know. Caring about Cory isn’t enough. Kylo has to be ready to make huge sacrifices for him, if that’s what he needs to do. That’s what being a parent is. I have dreams too, but not at the expense of Cory. I mean, that’s why we came back. So Cory can have a normal life and go to school and make friends and not be moving around all the time. I love The Resistance. It’s been my life for the last eight years. But Cory is more important. I don’t think Kylo would be willing to do the same thing if he were in my shoes.”

“You can’t know that.”

“No,” Rey slowly admitted. “But I don’t really have a reason _not_ to think that.”

Finn let his head fall on top of Rey’s. “Maybe you should give him a chance to change your mind.”

Rey was quiet for a long time and they settled into a comfortable silence, watching cars whiz by and couples stroll past with fluffy dogs.

“I want to,” Rey confessed. “I really, really want to.” 

* * *

 

 Summer arrived overnight and the day of their show dawned hot and sticky.

“I definitely did not miss this humidity,” Rey grumbled as they unloaded their van. She wiped strands of hair off her sweaty forehead and combed delicate fingers over the rest. “Ugh! I can feel the frizz spreading. I bet my hair looks horrible.”

Kylo hefted a bin out of the back and paused. “It looks lovely. You look beautiful,” he assured her with a wide, crooked smile. Rey couldn’t resist grinning back at him. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Poe sticking a finger in his mouth and miming a gag at Finn. As Poe walked past with an armful of gear, he smirked at them. “You two standing around making heart eyes while Finn and I do all the work – feels just like old times.” Finn snorted and Rey rolled her eyes, shoving Poe's shoulder. “I put up with you two all the way through wedding planning and your post-honeymoon gooey, ‘I love you honey,’ ‘No, I love you more!’ shit. You guys were insufferable. So you can’t even say anything.”

Finn screwed up his face. “How is it that even your insults sound classy?”

“I’m British,” Rey chirped. “Everything I say sounds classy.”

“It’s not fair,” Finn pouted as Rey prodded him into the building and Kylo followed behind, chuckling.

 The next hour passed in a flurry of activity as they ran around getting ready. Kylo buzzed with energy, bouncing from task to task every ten seconds, then disappearing from their dressing room as Rey sat down to stage-proof her makeup. Nearly twenty minutes went by when Finn burst into the dressing room. “Kylo’s lost it,” he announced.

“What?”

“He’s freaking. You better go see him.”

Rey and Poe exchanged withering glances and she brushed past Finn, grumbling. He caught something about a “man-child with too many feelings.”

She found Kylo outside the building in a back parking lot, several fresh cigarette butts nearby. He was pacing and clenching his hands in between drags.

“Kylo?” He spun to look at her. His face was extra pale under the smattering of freckles brought out by time spent in the sun with her and Cory over the last week.  “What’s going on? Why aren’t you inside? Since when do you smoke again?”

“It’s too dark in there, and the dressing room ceilings are so low, it makes me claustrophobic!” He waved his arms around while he talked, cigarette ash drifting into his hair. Rey just blinked at him. She’d seen him get mild stage fright before but she’d never seen Kylo panic. It was kind of cute.

He took another drag and then tossed the butt away, running his hands through his hair, then rubbing his face. When he took his hands away, ash streaked the sides of his forehead. Rey stepped closer and saw he was trembling. “I can’t do this Rey. I haven’t been on stage in six years. Six years! This is crazy. And holy fuck, there are so many people here, I forgot how big this place was! It’s crammed. And I haven’t been in The Resistance for years. They’re going to hate it.”

Rey grabbed his face with both hands and cut him off mid-sentence with a kiss. He went rigid, before sliding his arms around her and warmly returning the kiss. She melted into him and they lost track of how many minutes passed. They finally pulled apart, breathless. She rested her forehead against his. “You’re going to be fine, Kylo. People were mad as all hell when you left. This is going to be such a good thing. I can’t wait for it. Fans freaked out when we announced you were back for this show.” He pulled back to look into her eyes.

“Yeah?”

“ _Yes,”_ she assured him, threading her hands gently through his hair. He let out a long breath, and his tension dissolved with it. She rubbed the ash off his face and kissed him again. “Come on, if we make them wait too long, the fans _will_ get upset.”

He gave her a shaky smile as she took his hand and led him back into the building.

“Cutting it close guys!” Finn complained as they joined him and Poe, but he didn’t seem too upset. While they waited to go on stage, Kylo hovered close to Rey, some of his nervous energy returning as he bounced on the balls of his feet and blew out a long breath. “I need a drink.”

Rey silently slipped her hand into his, pulling him closer to her side. He stopped bouncing, and they locked gazes, an unspoken conversation passing between them. Poe grinned at Finn. “You can’t be mad at me anymore for interfering,” Poe remarked in his ear. Finn grudgingly shook his head, but wrapped his arms around his husband’s neck and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“Okay, you guys are up,” the stagehand announced, one hand pressed against a mic in his ear. Excited grins flashed between them and Rey squealed. “Let’s do this!” They followed her with shining faces as she skipped on stage, the crowd roaring in the darkness. They found their places, settled into their instruments, and got the go-ahead.

The lights came up, flashing dramatically around the stage and they launched into their first song. Rey beamed through the words. Kylo was right, the place was crammed. They played song after song, energy rising with each one. Rey sighed when they hit their last notes, exhausted, but wishing they could do it all over again.

Back off stage, she crashed into Poe and Finn, yanking them into hugs. Kylo came up from behind, wrapping his arms around her. She yelped as he swung her off her feet, scooping one arm under her knees and the other across her back. Her arms settled around his neck and she smiled at him, breathless. She swung her legs excitedly in his arms, tilting her head to Finn and Poe. “Let’s go out!” She shouted. “I haven’t been to The Gay 90s in years. I miss it!”

“Seconded!” Poe said, waggling his eyebrows at Finn. “I want to dance!”

Rey dropped a light kiss on Kylo’s cheek and hopped out of his arms, already dashing away to pack up.

Before long, Poe was shoving the last of their gear into the van and slamming the truck doors shut.

“Time to go be very, very gay!” He cheered, running to the driver’s door. Rey clapped a hand over her mouth.

“Ahh I forgot something in the dressing room. You guys go, we’ll meet you there!” She waved at Poe and Finn, already tugging on Kylo’s hand and walking back towards First Ave. He shrugged and threw an apologetic look over his shoulder before trotting after Rey.

The second they entered the dim hallway to the dressing room, she spun around and threw her arms around Kylo’s neck, her lips crashing into his. Kylo laughed, breaking away.

“What did you forget?”

“Nothing,” she replied with an impish smile. She grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked his face back down to hers as she giggled between kisses. They stumbled kissing down the hallway until they reached the dressing room. She pushed him inside and slammed the door behind her, turning to look at Kylo, who approached her with a sly smile. He backed her into the door, his hand brushing her hip as he reached for the lock.

The second she heard the click of the lock, Rey’s hands were at his belt buckle, yanking it open and unzipping his pants in a flurry. She wanted his mouth on hers and his hands on her skin. He grabbed her wrists and pushed them over her head, locking them together in one hand against the door. He slipped the other under her dress without breaking their kiss, his long fingers grasping the fabric of her boyshorts and yanking them down around her ankles, skimming across hot skin. She squirmed her wrists out of his grip, grabbing his hips and trading places with him, slamming him against the door. His breaths came quicker as she finished undoing his pants, dragging tantalizing fingers across the rise and dip of his hipbones. She took his cock in one hand, circling his precum around the smooth tip with her thumb. He groaned into her neck as she gripped harder, the sound growing louder when she dropped to her knees and took him in her mouth. She swirled her tongue around and sucked with soft lips, her moan vibrating down his legs as she savored how hard he was.

Snaking his hands through her hair, he tugged her back up, reclaiming her mouth. He yanked her loose dress over her head and tossed it aside. He slouched down and swept his tongue along the taut midline of her stomach, stopping to admire the perk of pink nipples straining hard through her lace bralette, which he happily tugged off a moment later.

He thrilled at the sight of her in the large mirrors that surrounded them on nearly every side, glowing in the bright lights, wriggling and naked, her slender body pressed against his. He carried her over to the vanity counter, pulling her forward to the edge. He dropped to his knees, sliding his hands along the inside of her thighs as he spread her open, basking in the sight of her pink, soft lips, wet and gleaming. He nuzzled his mouth against her skin, deeply inhaling the sweet scent of her sex. Rey leaned her head back against the mirror, moaning as his lips and tongue softly teased her sensitive skin. He found her clit, lapping his tongue against her. He pressed further in, gliding in circles with the tip of his tongue. Rey twined her hands into his thick hair, raking her nails against his scalp.

She arched into him, a silent plea for him to go harder, faster. He did, slipping two fingers into her slit and curling them against her most sensitive spots. He moaned at how wet she was, and the sound traveled up Rey’s spine, lodging in the base of her skull. She gasped when he did it again, pulling at his hair. Rey’s entire body trembled and ached as he pushed her closer and closer to the edge. She felt herself rising, straining towards it. She came with a rush, moaning out his name, heedless of anyone outside the room, and he didn’t stop, urging her on with flicks of his tongue as another wave of pleasure rolled over her. She sagged back, gasping. He nibbled down the inside of her thigh, eliciting shivers, and looked up at her, lips dewy. “Satisfied?” He smirked.

“Hardly,” she growled, jumping down. Trading places again, she discarded his pants, pressed him down onto the counter, and climbed on top of him, finally getting rid of his shirt. She teased the length of his cock along her dripping slit, biting her lip as she savored his moans and gasps. He wrapped a hand around the back of her neck, jerking her forward to breathe into her ear. “Fuck me. Now.”

With a vixen smile, she grasped his cock and slid the tip into her, then stopped. She spun her hips in a slow circle, teasing him until he growled, grabbing her waist to pull her deep onto him. She snatched his wrists away, slamming them on either side.

“No,” she drawled in his ear. She rocked another circle and bit his neck. His head thumped back onto the mirror and he squeezed his eyes shut, gasping. “No,” she repeated. “Open your eyes, I want you to watch me,” she instructed him, glancing meaningfully at the mirrors. The way he drank in her reflection – heavy-lidded eyes, lips parted – made her throb. But she continued to torture him, barely moving, lingering as she dipped her inner folders around him.

“Rey,” he gasped, almost a whine.

She gave a throaty laugh into his ear. “You didn’t say please.”

“Please,” he growled.

She grabbed his jaw in one hand, forcing his eyes to her. “Say it nicely.”

He mewled. “Please.”

With a wicked grin, her hips slowed. “What do you want me to do?”

“Please fuck me.”

“Good boy,” she purred, and plunged onto him. They groaned together as she clenched around him, grinding her hips against his. She grabbed his wrists again, this time smacking them firmly against her ass.

“Don’t make me do all the work,” she murmured. He wasted no time gripping her hips and surging into her. She threw her head back and groaned, losing herself in the delicious feeling of his hands sinking into her, possessing her, as they thrust into each other again and again. Rey keened, drowning in an indistinct blur of pleasure, crying out Kylo’s name. With her nails raking into his back, forehead to forehead, he came, shuddering and throbbing into her. Gasping and breathless, they collapsed against each other. After a few moments, she raised her head, tittering. “Poe and Finn are going to think we ditched them.”

“Let them,” Kylo responded with a soft kiss.

They got dressed and furtively left the building, certain anyone they ran into would have known why they were still there. They tripped along the sidewalk towards the club, one of them stopping every half a block to kiss the other. Kylo lifted Rey onto his shoes, lacing his hands through hers, and waltzed down the sidewalk, eliciting laughs from her and amused stares from strangers passing by. Waiting on a red light, they leaned into each other, meeting in a lingering kiss that lasted long after the signal turned. People rushed past – tipsy bar-goers out for the weekend, chattering students relishing their summer freedom, other happy couples – Rey and Kylo were oblivious. He slipped a hand under her chin, tipped head back, and they stared at each other with glowing eyes.

“I want us to be together,” Kylo whispered. Rey’s smile slipped away. He cradled her face with both hands, feathering a thumb along her bottom lip.

“I’m still in love with you. I’ll always be in love with you,” he told her, searching her face. Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment. When they opened, tears glittered along the edges.

“Okay.”

Kylo’s face froze. “Okay? Yes?”

Rey broke into a teary grin, sniffling. “Yes.” She raised to her tiptoes, nuzzling her nose against his. “I want to be with you too.”

He grabbed her and kissed her so hard her teeth ached. When they pulled away, Rey’s face was serious again. “But I don’t want to tell Cory just yet.”

“Yes, okay. Anything.”

Rey felt compelled to explain. “It’s just…he wants this so bad. I had to tell him to stop asking when ‘Mommy and Daddy will have their wedding’ and discussing how he wants us to get a kitten when we all move in together.”

Kylo chuckled. “A kitten, huh?”

Rey smiled and twined a loose lock of Kylo’s hair around a finger. “He’s a cat person, just like his dad.” Her smile widened. “He wants to name it Star Wars.”

Kylo burst out laughing. “Of course he does.” He leaned down to kiss her again. “We can keep it a secret for as long as you want. I want to do this right.” He smiled crookedly. “He already has a cat name picked out, we can’t disappoint him now.”

Rey bit her lip with a small smile. “No, we can’t.”

They kissed again, standing at the corner of the intersection as the light they were waiting for turned green for the third time.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Kylo woke at 5:30 am to his phone ringing. Rey.

“Mhmm ‘ello?” He mumbled sleepily.

“Hey Kylo, uhhh I need a really big favor.”

“Let me guess, your babysitter cancelled again and Poe and Finn are both busy today.”

“How did you guess,” Rey sighed with bleak sarcasm.

“You really need a new babysitter. Or a daycare.”

“It’s a money issue,” Rey crossly responded. She sighed. “I’d bring him with me, but it’s only my second day, and I’ll be in training all day, running all over the building. Plus I don’t know how they feel about employees bringing their kids in.”

“It’s fine, Rey. First Order has its own in-building daycare, I’m sure Cory will be fine for the day. He can make new friends.”

“You have your _own_ daycare?” She snorted. “Raising the next generation of brainwashed corporate drones? Never mind, not really that surprised. I’ll drop Cory off at 7. That okay?”

“No.” Kylo rubbed his eyes with one hand. “I’ll pick him up. I’ll pick you both up and drop you off. I don’t want you driving that death trap any more than you have to.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Rey snapped. “Besides, if anyone at work sees you dropping me off, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Fine, we’ll drop you off around the block, like I’m an embarrassing parent and you’re 13,” Kylo retorted dryly. “Besides, TC United is on the way to First Order.” Rey just made a frustrated sound. “I’ll be there at 7,” he told her.

“Okay,” Rey conceded with a sigh, tacking on a thanks before hanging up.                                                                                                                     

Kylo smiled to himself in the dim gray light filtering in through his curtains. _Maybe I can find her babysitter and convince her to cancel every day._ He imagined mornings together, Rodger entertaining Cory with endless stories, the days he’d get to Rey’s house early to find her running late. Cory, sleepy-eyed, letting Kylo tame his hair into presentability while Rey finished getting ready. Dropping them off and _“why don’t you just stay for dinner?”_ and he’d have to go home every night only to return the next morning and eventually it wouldn’t make sense to live so far apart. He’d find a charming little house in Uptown, with a sun-drenched porch and a pergola draped in rose vines, a kitten named Star Wars watching from the kitchen window.

Kylo snorted, dispelling the thoughts. It was hard to see Rey truly accepting any kind of traditional domestic life. She just wasn’t the type. But then, he never imagined her being a mom, either. Kylo tried not to follow that line of thought anymore, shoving off his covers and stumbling to the shower.

Both Rey and Cory were ready when Kylo arrived, waiting by the front door. Cory wore a neat button down shirt tucked into black pants, his mop of hair carefully combed into smooth submission. Kylo passed Rey side glances, but she didn’t explain his unusually neat appearance.

Kylo gave Rey a heavy smirk when she actually asked Rodger to stop a block away from TC United.

“You know there is a whole watchdog team dedicated solely to First Order, right?” Rey told Kylo with raised brows.

He shrugged with a sly smile. “I know. Is that the team that hired you?”

Rey made an annoyed sound and crossed her arms. “No. I thought it would be a conflict of interest. I joined a different team.”

Kylo’s smile turned into a crooked grin. “I’d love to see the reactions when they find out exactly what kind of conflict of interest it is.” Rey shot him a sharp look. Kylo’s hands flew up. “I wouldn’t say anything!” He hollered after her as she opened the door and stepped out of the car, leaning back to give Cory a kiss on the cheek. “Have fun today, love.” He gave his mom a hesitant nod, craning his head to watch her out the back window as they drove away. He was quiet the rest of the trip and through their walk into the building. Kylo headed straight for the daycare center, stepping to the end of the line of employees dropping off kids at the check-in desk. He peered over the shoulder of the desk attendant to look at the row of classrooms in the area behind the desk. Kids were milling about a large room, teachers flitted back and forth, splitting them into groups by age.

“Mr. Ren, um, hello! Good morning.” The desk attendant greeted him with uncertain cheerfulness, followed by a slight cringe. Kylo was used to the anxiety that spread through his employees when he was nearby.

“Can I talk to Lyn, please?”

“Yep. Definitely. You can do that. One second,” the attendant squeaked, hopping off his chair and beelining for a middle aged woman who was crouched down to talk to a sullen child. The attendant exchanged some nervous words with her, and she squinted through the check-in window, mouth quirking up when she spotted Kylo.

“Mr. Ren, so good to see you. What can we do for you?”

“Can my son join for the day?” Kylo gestured to Cory, who backed closer to Kylo’s leg, staring up at Lyn with a solemn expression.

She blinked at him. “Your son…of course. You’ll have to fill out some forms first, emergency contacts and the like.” The desk attendant scrambled to pull a manila folder out of a filing drawer, uncapping a thin tipped Sharpie.

“Can you spell his name for me?” He asked, pen poised over the label tab.

“C-O-R-Y.” Kylo hesitated, clearing his throat. “K-E-N-O-B-I.” He internally winced, certain every employee at their Minneapolis campus would know about his mysteriously absent son with a different last name by 5 pm, followed by the three other campuses by the end of the week. Kylo started in on the forms, trying to guess on most of the answers.

 _He’s definitely had all his vaccinations, there’s no way Rey would ever skip those…His birthday? Umm…A history of seizures…Medications? Past daycare programs?_ Kylo scowled to himself as he realized how little he knew about Cory, a fresh reminder that he had six years to make up for.

“How old are you?” Lyn asked Cory.

“Five.”

Kylo’s gaze dropped to Cory. “I thought you were six.”

Cory shook his head. “Not until next March. March 11!”

“I guess that makes sense,” Kylo muttered, quickly scribbling the date onto the form. Lyn’s expression was a mix of amusement, disbelief, and disapproval, but she didn’t say anything.

“Okay, Cory, I’m going to send you to Mr. Andy over there.” She gestured across the room to a man in his mid-twenties herding a group of young kids into a line. “He’ll be your teacher today.” She opened the partition between the center and the check-in desk. Cory tilted his head back to look at Kylo, who handed him his backpack and gave him a gentle push.

“It’ll be fun, Cory. You get to make lots of new friends.”

Cory’s mouth twisted but he didn’t protest, slinging his bag over one shoulder with a tiny sigh. “Bye Dad,” he called out glumly, shuffling away to greet Mr. Andy.

Kylo gazed tensely after him. He started when Lyn lightly touched his sleeve, and he realized he’d crumpled the forms in a stranglehold.

“Dropping them off the first day is always hard,” she said kindly. “Sometimes we get more tears from the parents than the kids.”

“Yeah?” He responded with a short laugh.

“He’ll be just fine, Mr. Ren.” Lyn smiled, taking the crunched up forms from him and trying to smooth them out.

“Maybe I should get you new forms.”

Throughout the first meeting of the day, Hux glared at Kylo when he wouldn’t stop anxiously clicking his pen. A chat box popped up on his laptop.

 

_Stop. Doing. That._

 

Kylo shot Hux a stony glare across the table.

 

_I heard you dropped off a mini-me at the_

_daycare center today and it was a rather_

_emotional event. Whose child was that?_

 

**_I know you already know the answer to that._ **

**_Mine. His name is Cory._ **

 

_I don’t care if his name is Spiderman. Just_

_don't let_ _your personal feelings get in the way._

 

Kylo responded by logging out and clicking his pen three more times for good measure. After another meeting, on the way back to his office, he heard a familiar British voice drifting out of a room. He popped his head around the half-open door, jaw dropping.

Phasma sat behind her desk, which was scattered with colored papers, highlighters, and a mess of other office supplies. Perched on her lap was Cory. Both their heads went up when they heard Kylo push the door open.

“Hi Dad!” Cory greeted him with a grin. “Me and Phasma are making spaceships.”

“Phasma and I,” Kylo absent mindedly corrected him. His eyes bounced back and forth between the pair, jaw working as he tried to think of something to say.

“You’re back early,” he said mildly, addressing Phasma, like his son hadn’t escaped from daycare and was now sitting at the desk of the Senior Vice President of Marketing and Sales.

“Things in Japan went very well,” Phasma replied. “We wrapped up early.” Kylo nodded, eyes on Cory as he pointed at him. “What are you doing here?”

“I found him wandering around in the hallway – he was looking for your office.”

“I found your name on the big list! I got all the way up here by myself,” Cory informed him proudly.

Kylo crossed his arms, frowning. “I mean, how did you get _out_ of daycare?”

Cory fiddled with a tape dispenser. “I took Mr. Andy’s beepy card, the one that makes the doors open.”

“You _stole_ his keycard? Oh my god your mother is going to kill me. Why didn’t he see you?”

More fiddling. He answered slower. “Madeline hit Bobby in the face and Mr. Andy didn’t see me.”

“Uh huh. And why did she hit Bobby?”

Cory shrunk under Kylo’s withering gaze. “Because I asked her to. But Bobby is mean to her! She wanted to…”

Phasma started silently laughing and Kylo glared at her. “This isn’t funny! Cory stole a highly secure keycard and escaped from daycare after getting another kid to _hit_ someone.” Kylo fumed. “You’re coming back to my office with me and we are going to talk about this. Right after I call down and tell Lyn what happened. I’m sure they’re all freaking out.”

A second later Kylo’s phone rang. Lyn had beat him to it. She frantically explained that they couldn’t find Cory and had no idea how he got out.

Kylo interrupted her. “I know how. He took Andy’s keycard and used it to get out when he wasn’t looking. He’s with me right now. He’s fine.”

Lyn piled profuse apologies on him until Kylo cut her off. “No one’s in trouble. It’s not Andy’s fault,” Kylo sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Apparently my son is going to be a criminal mastermind someday. But make sure keycards stay more secure from now on. I’ll keep Cory the rest of the day.” Kylo thought Lyn sounded relieved at the last part.

They hung up and Kylo frowned at Cory. “Come on, out. We need to have a talk.”

“I hate it when grownups tell me that,” Cory grouched. He look questioningly at the pile of semi-complete “space ships.”

“I’ll have my assistant send the supplies to you,” Phasma said. Cory slid off her lap and took slow steps to Kylo, stopping mid-way and spinning around. “Thank you Phasma!”

“You’re welcome, Cory. Come visit me again soon.” She smirked at Kylo before he closed her office door behind him.

Mitaka didn’t say anything when Kylo stomped into his office with Cory on his heels. Kylo caught Cory grinning and waving at him from the corner of his eye. Mitaka furtively returned the wave with a faint smile before busying himself in a pile of papers. Kylo frowned at them both, grabbing Cory’s hand and pulling him into the office. “I can’t take you anywhere without you charming everyone in sight. I should put a bag over your head,” he muttered to himself.

“What?” Cory called up.

“Nothing,” he replied tersely. Sit down.” He pointed to one of the oversized leather chairs in front of his desk and perched on the edge of the chair across, leaning his elbows on his knees. Cory look at him expectantly with a slight pout and sad brown eyes. Kylo’s anger dissolved and he let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing his eyes.

“Do you know what you did wrong?”

Cory’s heels tapped together. “I took something that wasn’t mine?”

“That’s one.”

“I ran away…”

“That’s two.”

“Ummm…”

“What about the girl who hit the other kid?”

Cory’s head tilted and a lock of hair flopped into his eyes. “Madeline?”

“Yes, her.”

His head tilted the other way, looking like a confused puppy.

“She’s my best friend.”

Kylo suppressed a smile. “She’s going to get in trouble.”

Cory gasped and his face crumpled up. “But it’s not her fault.”

“When kids at the daycare center hurt other kids they get in trouble.”

Fat tears welled in Cory’s eyes. “But it wasn’t her idea.”

Kylo paused, genuinely perplexed. “Did you really not think she would get in trouble?”

His head whipped back and forth and he dragged a sleeve under his sniffling nose. “No, I just…I just wanted to come be with you.” He stared dejectedly at the floor. Kylo groaned.

“Cory, when you have an idea, you need to stop and think about what will happen after you do it.”

He sniffled again. “I wouldn’t do that if I knew she would get in trouble!” His head jerked up to look at Kylo. “I promise!”

“I believe you. Let’s go apologize to her and Lyn, okay? And Mr. Andy. And give him his keycard back.”

For the second time that day, the two approached the daycare check in desk. The attendant eyed Cory. “You gave us quite a scare,” he commented with a nervous chuckle.

Kylo squeezed Cory’s shoulder encouragingly. He held up the stolen keycard. “This is for Mr. Andy, I’m sorry I took it.” He scuffed a shoe against the floor.

“Can you get Lyn? Cory wants to talk to one of the other kids.”

Lyn came out and Kylo explained what happened to her. She watched Cory with a sharply arched eyebrow, but agreed to let him talk to Madeline. They followed her back through the center to the 5 and 6 year-old classroom. Cory headed straight for a skinny girl with curly black hair who was sitting alone at a table in one corner of the classroom with a coloring sheet. None of the other kids so much as glanced her direction. She looked up at Cory as he approached, then pursed her lips and bent her head, intently ignoring him. Cory sat down at the chair next to her, not saying anything. Eventually, her hand slowed, and she looked up at him, moving her hands in a rapid series of motions. Cory waited for her to finish, then lifted his hands and responded with a series of his own. Kylo’s jaw dropped.

“I had no idea he knew sign language,” he commented out loud, half to himself. Lyn smiled, watching the pair talk, hands flashing back and forth. “It was a nice surprise. We have a translator, but she has to rotate through the classrooms during lessons throughout the day. When the kids have unstructured playtime, she doesn’t have any way to talk to anyone. I know a little bit, enough to get by with her.” Lyn’s smile wilted. “But I can tell she’s really lonely. She doesn’t have any friends. When Cory got here he went straight to her, like he could just tell. They talked nonstop the whole time. I had to tell them to be quiet during the lesson.”

“Why is there only one translator?”

Lyn shifted uncomfortably next to him. “We don’t have the budget for more.”

Kylo frowned. “That will change. I’ll talk to Hux.”

Cory came skipping back to Kylo. “Ms. Lyn, can I stay here for the rest of the day? And tomorrow too? And the rest of the days?”

She looked at Kylo. “If it’s okay with your dad.”

Kylo smiled. “Of course it is. I’m really glad you made a friend.”

Cory reached up for a hug, wrapping his arms around Kylo’s neck so his feet dangled off the ground. “Bye kid,” Kylo told him, ruffling his hair. “No more breaking out of daycare.” He stuck out his pinkie, and Cory curled his pinkie around Kylo’s.

“Promise,” he responded, before running back to color with Madeline.

Kylo congratulated himself on how well he handled the situation all the way back to the office, then frowned. He’d still have to tell Rey. He suspected she was a lot more immune to Cory’s pouting faces and a lot better at actual discipline.

When he returned to his office, a single legal envelope sat atop the dark wood, thick with documents.

He shut his office doors slowly, staring at the envelope. He sat down, untying the clasp and sliding out the large stack of papers. Each one was marked with First Order insignia in the upper right corner. Many were marked with a red non-disclosure stamp.

Kylo paged through the documents, trying to make sense of what he was looking at. After several minutes, he frowned at the reports, scanning the information again and again. Snoke and Hux had bought up a significant number of shares in Imperial Tech over the last several months, the actions buried under proxy purchases and confusing legal jargon. But he didn’t remember seeing any copies of a Form 4 filed by their legal department. According to the report, he should have seen several.  One or two failures to file might have been an error, just a mistake in management oversight. First Order was a huge company, it was conceivable. _But this many times?_ Kylo shook his head to himself _. Not possible._ Snoke and Hux hadn’t breathed a word of this to Kylo, further confirming Kylo’s suspicions. _This merger was probably confirmed months ago. All these meetings have just been a cover. A long, slow, carefully planned cover._ Kylo threw the reports down and slammed his fists so hard against the desk that they stung. A light popped up on his phone – Mitaka. He pressed the intercom. “Everything’s fine, Mitaka.”

“Just checking in, sir, I heard a loud…um noise.”

“It’s nothing. Just dropped something.”

“Very well, sir.”

“Mitaka? Did you leave this envelope on my desk?”

“What envelope?”

“White, legal size, no return address. No post mark, either.”

“Definitely not, sir. You know I only give you mail in the morning.”

“Did anyone come by since I was out?”

“I didn’t see anyone. But I went to the restroom a couple times.”

Thanks, that will be all.” Kylo let go of the intercom button. He sunk into his desk chair, rubbing his eyes. Then he pulled out a decanter of Cognac and a glass, pouring far more than a Tuesday afternoon at the office justified. His hand shook slightly as he took a long sip.

He forced himself to think the words he’d been avoiding since he first read the reports from the mysterious white envelope.

_Insider trading._

He fumed, flinging his glass across the room. It crashed against the far wall, splashing the expensive liquid in a wide blotch across wall and floor. The broken shards of glass twinkled with the light from his enormous floor-to-ceiling windows. He immediately cursed, reminding himself that he couldn’t let Mitaka, or anyone else, think anything was out of the ordinary.

He slumped back into his chair, curling his fingers around handfuls of hair to stop their shaking. He knew First Order could hardly be called an ethical company. Snoke was ruthless, crushing competition by any means possible. Kylo himself had carried out many decisions that made him queasy. But nothing illegal. Nothing that could send them to jail. He shook his head. He could not let that happen. His mind rolled, picking up and discarding ideas as he thought about how to handle this situation. He fingered the documents, then abruptly shoved them back into the envelope and locked them in his safe in a cabinet behind his desk. Out of sight. But not out of his mind. Fury rose, directed at Snoke, at Hux, at himself. _I should have paid closer attention. This is my fault for not noticing._ He thought about Rey, back in his life, and Cory, new to his life, but he couldn’t imagine his life without them anymore. He couldn’t give Rey a reason to leave. He had to be certain she would never find out about this. That no one else ever would.


	11. Chapter 11

Kylo got his wish. Every morning for the rest of the week, Rey let him pick her and Cory up and drop her off at work as well as bring them home in the evening. She wasn’t the most pleased about Cory being in First Order daycare, but Kylo promised it would just be until kindergarten started in the fall. He was fairly certain she wouldn’t tell her coworkers where her kid was spending his days.

It took Cory until Wednesday evening to ask them if they were “together already.” Rey didn’t even bother to ask him where he heard that phrase, immediately blaming Poe and Finn. Cory was silent on the matter, but beamed when Rey confirmed that, yes, they were “in a relationship.”

“So when are you going to get married?”

Rey just groaned and rubbed her forehead while Kylo laughed. Rodger attempted to smother his own laughter as he overheard their conversation.

Kylo didn’t intervene while Rey attempted to explain, curious about what she would say. “That’s not always how it works, Cory.”

“Well why not?”

“Because!”

“That’s a stupid reason,” Cory huffed. Kylo leaned over to whisper in Cory’s ear. “I agree, kid. But we have you let your mom figure that out herself.”

Kylo tried to act normal around Rey, who gave him suspicious looks every time he lapsed into distracted silence. After she asked him for the fifth time in the last three days what was wrong, he snapped.

“ _Nothing_ is wrong. Work is stressful. Snoke is breathing down my neck. Hux is insufferable.”

“He’s always insufferable,” Rey muttered. “I can’t help but feel like something more than just work is going on!”

Kylo tossed down the wooden spoon he was holding, splattering red sauce across the stovetop.

“Just give it a rest, Rey!”

His punch of volume drew a sharp look from Cory, whose gaze moved between his parents with visible unease.

Rey’s eyes narrowed and she stepped closer to Kylo, her voice a low hiss. “Cats and dogs, Kylo. Keep proving me right.”

Kylo took a deep inhale and peered at the ceiling, letting out a long exhale before looking back at Rey.

“Please stop asking me what’s wrong. Don’t you think I would tell you if something was up?”

Rey folded her arms across her chest and studied the ground. Kylo rubbed his hands gently up and down her arms, pulling her into a hug. She sighed, relaxing against his chest.

“Okay, I’ll stop asking. I just…I have a bad feeling in my stomach that won’t go away.”

He brushed a strand of hair off her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I promise nothing is going on. It’s just work. It’s a lot right now.”

“I know you’re busy, but do you want to go camping this weekend? Poe and Finn want to get up to Itasca. Poe says he misses smell of the pine trees.”

“You’re going to drive four hours so Poe can smell trees?”

Rey gave Kylo’s shoulder a playful shove. “You know it’s my favorite place to camp.”

Kylo smiled crookedly. “I don’t think ‘favorite’ is a strong enough word. When are you guys leaving?”

Rey fiddled with a handful of basil on a cutting board. “Tomorrow, around noon.”

Kylo stirred the red sauce a little too vigorously. “Campsites up there get booked out weeks in advance.”

Rey started picking the basil leaves of their stems. “This wasn’t really a last minute thing.”

Kylo didn’t ask when Rey planned the trip, feeling a little stung. She still resisted him being in her life in many ways, acting sometimes like Kylo was more of a casual friend of the family. He wondered how many more weeks she’d keep it up. But the idea of forgetting about work and the impending disaster appealed to him. A few days off, then he’d really buckle down and deal with Snoke and Hux on Monday.

“I’d love to come,” he responded warmly.

Cory whooped from the table, looking up from his book with a grin. “Mom says there’s a giant fire where the people watch towers…wait no, that’s not right. There’s a giant tower where the people watch fires! Can we see it?”

Kylo grinned back at him. “The Aiton fire tower. We can even climb it. I don’t have my gear anymore, Rey.”

“It’s okay, we can fit in our tent. Probably. Cory’s small.”

Corry huffed and pouted. “I’m not _that_ small. I’m almost six! And Dad’s a giant.”

Kylo shot Cory a mock hurt look. “Thanks, kid.”

“Well you are!” He protested.

Rey smiled at Kylo. “It’s fine, we’ll make it work.”

Kylo scratched his head. “I don’t think I have my backpack or anything either, I’m not even sure where they went. I don’t remember getting rid of them.”

Rey’s face was mild as she stirred the pasta boiling in a large pot. “I have them.”

Kylo’s eyebrows shot up as he waited for her to continue.

“There were with my old stuff. In storage. At Poe’s parents’ house. I guess you must have left them with my camping stuff, when…well either way, I have them.”

Kylo’s eyebrows went up higher.

Rey bit her lip and sighed. “I couldn’t bring myself to throw them away.”

He didn’t know what to say, but her confession stirred up warm optimism that washed away some of his earlier fears.

Kylo went in at a ridiculously early hour for a half-day at his office. The building was eerily quiet, not even Mitaka was in yet, so he left one office door open.

He was pouring over reports, hunting for a way to cover-up Snoke and Hux’s activites, when he glanced up and jolted. Phasma stood leaning on a door jamb, arms crossed. In four-inch stilettos and a sleek sheath dress in dark red, she cut an imposing figure. Kylo understood why employees called her “Captain Phasma” behind her back. He was certain she knew about the nickname, and probably took some pride in it.

He took a deep breath, heart still racing. “How long have you been standing there?”

She narrowed her eyes at him briefly before answering. “A while. Those reports must be engrossing.”

He tried to casually cover them with his arms, pretending to straighten the haphazard piles while actually shuffling them under each other. “Just trying to stay focused and get as much done today as possible.”

Phasma pursed her lips. “Something else requires your attention?”

Kylo gulped. “Nope, I’m just leaving early today.”

She took several long steps into his office and he leaned further over the papers. “That’s probably a good idea. You seem more stressed out than usual.”

Kylo hid a frown. He hadn’t talked to Phasma all week, there was no way for her to know that. “Actually, I’m going camping.”

“With Cory and Rey?”

Kylo’s fingers twitched. _Why does she know so much?_ He wondered. She answered like she read his mind.

“You know I was around when you left The Resistance for First Order. That was about when Rey left you, wasn’t it?”

Kylo cleared his throat uncomfortably. This must be the longest non-work related conversation he’d ever had with Phasma. “Yep, that sounds about right.”

“That decision must have upset her a lot.”

Kylo sucked his lips against his teeth. “She wasn’t happy about it.”

“How does she feel about you working for First Order still?”

Kylo smirked. “Well she’s working at TC United now, so not great.”

Phasma’s face played at a knowing smile. “Be careful not to let work get in the way of your family, Kylo.”

He chuckled nervously. “Hux told me pretty much the opposite last week.”

Now Phasma smiled. “Yes, well, Hux has his priorities a bit mixed up. And he doesn’t have a son to take care of.”

Kylo shifted in his chair, growing increasingly uneasy. “I’ll keep your advice in mind.”

Phasma narrowed her eyes at him again before nodding and leaving his office. Kylo waited until the click of her heels disappeared down the hallway before letting out his breath. _What in the world was that?_

Kylo stared out his office door several more minutes. He felt more shaken than the conversation warranted. Phasma had never been one for small talk. She was the most efficient person he knew, nothing escaped her notice and she wasted no time doing anything without a purpose. He recalled finding Cory with her several days before, doing crafts at her desk with no apparent intention of calling him to get Cory. The two memories followed him around for the rest of the day, leaving a tiny knot of apprehension in his stomach.

* * *

 They didn’t leave at noon.

Poe and Finn arrived late because there was a bat stuck in their garage that needed to be freed. Cory and Kylo ran for donuts and coffee while they waited for Poe and Finn, and then stopped at a bookstore and lost track of time. When Rey finally bundled them into the van, she realized she left all their windows open and ran back inside to close them.

By the time they got on the road, it was 2 p.m, and their coffee was cold.

“At least we have donuts!” Cory exclaimed, pulling out a donut generously covered with powdered sugar. Rey turned around from the front row and stared at Kylo. “You bought him a powdered donut?!”

“It’s what he wanted!”

Poe looked up from the _Scientific American_ article he was reading in the passenger seat. “Hey Rey! Guess what makes sweat stinky?”

“ _Really_ Poe?”

“AUCCKK,” Cory sputtered, spitting a mouthful of white crumbs across Kylo’s lap. He coughed several times, sending puffs of sugar into the air.

“That is exactly why you don’t buy powdered donuts for road trips,” Rey smirked at Kylo.

“Sweat is stinky because all the bacteria living on your skin break the chemicals in sweat down into acids!” Poe continued.

“Ewwww!” Cory cried around more coughing. “I don’t want bacteria on me!” He rubbed a hand down his arm, leaving behind a sticky trail of sugar.

Kylo tried to brush the crumbs off his jeans. “Does anyone have some paper towels or something?”

A travel pack of Wet Ones smacked him in the face. He looked up to see Rey still smirking at him as she shoved earplugs in. “Good luck!” She waggled her eyebrows before pulling a sleeping mask over her face and sprawling across the bench seat.

“How much longer to the fire tower?” Cory inquired, waving his donut around and dropping more crumbs across the floor.

Kylo sighed.

* * *

 When they finally made it to the campsite and crawled out of the van, everyone was exhausted, stiff, and a little crabby. Kylo inexplicably found a gummy bear stuck to his butt, which he held up to Rey with a bewildered expression. She shrugged. “Welcome to the world of driving with a kid. Mystery candy in your clothes will be the least of it.”

After setting up their campsite, Kylo dragged their sleeping bags into the tent Rey, Cory, and him were supposed to share and unrolled them. The edges all overlapped. Rey was right, it was going to be a tight squeeze. A shadow passed and Rey unzipped the door-flap, poking her head.

“Scootch!”

Kylo obeyed, sliding across the sleeping bags until one head brushed into a sloped side. Rey left her boots next to his just inside the flap, and flopped back onto the sleeping bags with heavy sigh. Kylo joined her and they laid in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the rest.

“Where’s Cory?” Kylo asked after a while.

“Finn and Poe took him exploring. For exactly one hour and fifteen minutes.” She glanced at her watch. “That means we have approximately one hour and ten minutes of alone-time left.”

He wrapped an arm around her waist, dragging her against his side and nuzzling her neck. “That sounds heavenly. What are we going to do for a whole hour and ten minutes?”

He sucked a breath as she slipped a hand under his shirt and teased the crest of his hips with soft fingers. “I can think of a few ways.”

Their lips met in a long, open kiss. Rey moaned into his mouth when he ran his hands along the inside of her thighs, slipping his thumbs under the edge of her shorts and pressing them against her sensitive mound. They sat up and he pulled her into his lap, groaning as she wrapped her legs tightly around his back and ground her hips against his rising erection. He curled one hand into the loose hair at the nape of her neck, and undid her pants with the other, dragging two fingers down her soft curls and sinking them into her wet slit. She gasped against his neck as he stroked her most sensitive spots with tantalizingly slow motions. She bucked her hips, urging his fingers on, and he chuckled, whispering into her ear. “Slow down, we don’t have to rush.” 

She gave him a devilish look before throwing his hands off her and pinning his wrists to the tent floor behind him. He rocked back, resting on his elbows and just stared as she hurried out of her clothes. She grinned at him again before settling back down on her knees and ripping his off. He pulled her back into his lap, trailing a slow hand down her flat stomach to resume his teasing, but he knocked his hands aside, yanking on a handful of his hair.

“I just wanna fuck,” she growled. “I sat in a car for four hours thinking about nothing else.”

“Yes ma’am,” Kylo smirked, gasping when she plunged herself onto him, tucking her legs around his back again. He grabbed her hips, marveling at the soft curves she’d developed over six years. He caught her slight grimace and paused with concern.

“What’s wrong?”

“Pregnancy weight that never went away,” she frowned.

“What?”

She nodded down to his hands. “My hips. Never can get rid of it.”

He tightened his hold on her, yanking her tighter against him. “I love it. I loved your body before, and I love it now.”

She pursed her lips, still frowning.

“You can be as self-conscious as you want, Rey, or think whatever you want to think about your body. You can hate it, you can love it. It’s yours. But you never have to worry about _me_ being unhappy with it.” He smoothed kisses across her collarbone. “Besides, you made a fucking person with your body. That’s incredible.”

She chuckled. “That it is.” She let go of his hair for a moment to cup her breasts. “Plus there’s _this_ pregnancy weight that never went away. Can’t say I mind that much.”

Kylo nibbled on an earlobe, dragging his hands along her sides to replace her hands with his. “Perfect,” he whispered to her. “It’s all perfect.”

She giggled. “Thanks for the ego boost. Now where were we?”

He grabbed her hips again, pulling her all the way onto him, filling her. “Right here,” he murmured, thrusting into her with each word. She tipped her head back, moaning. They pulled into each other with slow, matching rhythms, lips brushing and foreheads pressed together. Kylo snaked a hand between them, savoring Rey’s every shudder as he barely brushed a fingertip along her clit. They moved together for a long time, teasing each other, fingers slowly exploring every inch of skin. Rey writhed against him, panting, silently begging him for more. He grabbed her waist, thrusting up into her faster and harder. Rey tightened around him, hot pleasure rising. Twined together, they plunged into each other again and again until they both peaked. Shaking and sweaty, they melted against each other. Rey rested her head on his shoulder and he traced indecipherable patterns along her back with his fingers.

“How much longer?” He mumbled against her skin. She checked her watch around his shoulder. “20.”

He tilted her backwards until she was laying on a sleeping bag, and hovered over her. “That’s plenty of time,” he said, dropping kisses down the taut skin of her sternum.

“For what?”

He squeezed her legs before slowly pulling them open, feeling his cock jumping already at the sight of her, flush and swollen. He grazed his lips along her exposed cunt, licking and sucking on the skin as she squirmed and moaned.

“For this,” he answered, his words vibrating against her groin. He dipped a soft tongue into her wetness, with his cum still dripping out of her, before sliding it up to her clit, pulling it tight against the flicks of his tongue. Her moans rose again and again. She didn’t last 5 minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short! And that it's been like 398593857 years since I posted the last chapter. I promise another chapter by the end of the week!


	12. Chapter 12

Embers were popping and crackling in the fire pit by the time Cory got back with Finn and Poe. He ran in tripping strides towards Rey, one hand tented over the other in front of him.

“Mom, I got you something!”

She crouched down in front of him and he opened his hands. Rey shrieked, a hand flying to her face and Cory cackled. Rey shrieked again but it dissolved into a giggle. Kylo leaned down to inspect her face and saw a green tree frog clinging to her cheek. He waited for her to freak out but she grinned. In one moment she went from the no-nonsense mom he’d come to know to the playful, whimsical girl he remembered.

“Ahhh his feet are tickling me,” She exclaimed.

Cory snickered when Rey crunched up her face as the frog crawled up. He held up an open palm where another frog sat. “I have another one!”

“Two whole frogs at once? I dub you the Master Frog Hunter!” She picked up a stick and pretended to knight Cory. They dissolved into another round of giggles when his frog jumped onto his face as well.

“We match!” Rey grinned at him. “Did you know these types of tree frogs can change color?”

Cory’s eyes grew. “Like a chameleon?”

Rey gently nodded, trying not to dislodge the frog. “Yep, they can turn grey or brown to blend into tree bark.”

“Coooool,” Cory gasped, lightly tapping a finger against the frog’s back.

Rey reached into a bag behind her, nonchalantly pulling out two jars with tiny holes poked in their lids like she didn’t have a frog stuck to her face. “Guess what I brought us?”

Cory scrunched up his face at the jars. “Umm…”

“Firefly hunting kits!”

Cory pulled the frog off his face. “Let’s go!”

“How about tomorrow night? My tummy wants some s’mores!”

Cory’s tongue poked out of his mouth while he weighed bug catching over s’mores. S’mores won.

Kylo and Cory settled on a log together close enough to the fire to leave Rey hovering anxiously.

“This is the best spot for roasting,” Kylo justified, pointing at the pocket of glowing coals. Father and son crouched, intently concentrating on evenly browning all sides of their marshmallows. Kylo gave him pointers, enjoying Cory’s proud expression as his marshmallow bloomed up with a perfectly golden texture.

Rey sighed and speared a marshmallow with her roasting stick. “I don’t know how you guys have the patience.” She stuck hers directly into the flames, waiting all of five seconds for it to catch fire. She watched the flames lick around the white blob, leaving a black crust in its wake.

“Some of us don’t enjoy a mouthful of cancer,” Kylo responded, cringing as Rey pulled the black shell off her marshmallow and popped it into her mouth with relish.

“Mmmmm, cancer,” she hummed, putting her marshmallow back into the fire for another incineration.

“People like you can’t be trusted,” Kylo muttered.

 

The rest of the weekend passed too quickly. Cory appeared to be unimpressed by the height of the Aiton fire tower, citing the Space Needle as his “favorite tall building.” But 50 feet up the tower, he began to peer over the rails with nervous eyes. Another two flights up, he slumped dramatically against the rails, panting.

“I’m too tired, just leave me here,” he moaned pitifully.

Rey narrowed her eyes at him with a skeptical smile. “That’s fine honey, we’ll get you on our way back down.”

Failing to get sympathy from his mom, he turned his lamenting doe eyes on Kylo, who gave a long sigh and leaned down.

“Come on kid, hop up.”

Cory grinned and launched himself onto Kylo’s back, wrapping his arms around his neck. Kylo croaked. “Too tight. You’re choking me.”

When they reached the platform at the top, Poe insisted on a group selfie, ignoring the good natured ribbing Finn gave him about bringing his selfie stick.

“You can make fun of me for days, but look at this picture!” Poe smiled, turning his phone around to collective “awwws.” He tapped his screen a few times. “Huh, the service up here is terrible. I’ll send it to you guys later.”

“Later” was the next day right after they finished packing up their stuff and piled into the van. Kylo smiled faintly to himself as he saved the picture.  _ “Set as wallpaper?” _ His phone prompted him. He immediately hit yes, smiling wider as the amorphous, multi-colored factor wallpaper was replaced with smiling faces. He tapped Rey on her shoulder and she turned around, eyes focusing on his screen when he held it up with a crooked smile. Spilling over with warmth, her eyes moved to his and she grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him in for a soft kiss.

“Ewwww,” Cory sputtered, sticking out his tongue. “Kissing is gross!”

Kylo’s face lit up. “You’re going to be getting kissed before you know it!” He teased him.

Rey covered her face. “Ugh no, don’t make me think about that. It’s ten years too early for that.”

“Ten years?” Kylo asked, amused. “More like five.”

Rey’s jaw dropped. “Ten? No way! That’s so young.”

“I kissed my first girl when I was ten. Angela. Behind the swing set. We got caught and only I got detention,” Kylo recalled with a wry tone.

Rey was adamantly shaking her head. She reached over and pulled Cory’s head to her chest, muffling his protests. “You mean he won’t be my little baby forever?” She wailed in mock dismay.

“Mom!” Cory squirmed out of her hold.  “You don’t have to suffocate me. I’m never going to kiss anyone.”

Rey gave Kylo a satisfied look and he rolled his eyes.

An hour and a half out from the Twin Cities, Rey spotted a farmer’s stand with fresh vegetables.

“Stop, stop!” She yelled at Finn. “I want to get something!”

Once out of the car, Rey greeted the farmer, who smiled at her with a creased and weathered smile. “These look delicious!” She commented, looking over some plump tomatoes.

Mewing on her left drew everyone’s attention to a large cardboard box with a paper stuck to the front. The sign read “free kittens” in a thick scrawl.

_ Oh no, _ Rey thought, watching Cory make a beeline for the box. He scooped out all three kittens at one time, settling onto the grass.

“Too many barn cats?” Kylo remarked to the farmer. The man fiddled with the straps of his overalls, looking morosely at the kittens. “Some asshat just left the whole litter on the side of the road, a box of snacks for coyotes and foxes and god knows what else. I couldn’t just leave ‘em there. But my wife would have a conniption if I brought another box of cats home. So I’ve been giving them away. One couple took home a little orange fellow with a crate of tomatoes. ‘Nother old lady took the other stripey one.” He wilted a little. “Black cats and tortoiseshell cats though,” he shook his head. “People just don’t like them as much. Shame. Those guys are the friendliest of the bunch.”

One black kitten with white paws hooked tiny claws, crawling up Cory’s sweatshirt to balance on his shoulder. He giggled as the kitten began to lick his ear. The tortoiseshell, which Kylo informed them was a she, was rolling around in the grass, hopping after gnats and crickets, tail beating furiously. Cory scooped her up and held her in the air under her front legs.

“AAHHHH ZEEBeehhNYAAAAA,” he bellowed while the farmed guffawed. She squirmed and jumped out of his hands while Cory sang the rest of the song in gibberish mumbles.

Rey peered around, frowning. “Where’s the other one?”

“Right here,” Kylo answered, his voice lightly muted. She looked over his shoulder. The second black kitten was snuggled against his chest, dwarfed by his big arms. He was sound asleep. From behind her, she heard Cory running through a series of names.

“Well you’ll obviously be Star Wars, looking all space ‘n stuff,” he rambled at the black and white kitten. “And you should be Dusty, because you look like you rolled around in the dirt. Dad’s should be…hmmm…Dad what do you want to name your cat?”

Rey started to shake her head.  _ OH no.  _ “Okay Cory, let’s give the nice man his kittens back. We should get going.” She lifted up an armful of vegetables to the man. “I’ll take these.”  

Cory’s head snapped up from where the tortoiseshell had crawled into his lap and was batting at the paws of the kitten still perched on his shoulders. “Mom! We can’t leave them here! They’ll be so lonely.”

Rey made a strangled noise. “Cory, we can’t take home all these cats. Maybe just one. Kylo, back me up on this?”

Kylo looked over his shoulder with wide eyes, lips set in a soft pout. “But then one will be all alone, no brothers or sisters…” He gazed back down at the slumbering kitten in his arms with a forlorn expression.

“That’s right!” The farmer interjected. “It’s good to raise kittens together, makes them much friendlier. Teaches them not to bite and scratch.”

Rey’s gaze bounced back and forth between father and son, who stared at her with matching pitiful faces and doleful brown eyes. She let out a ragged, resigned breath. “I am NOT cleaning out three litterboxes!”

Their faces brightened in unison and Cory scooped up the kittens, dancing around the vegetable stand with a cat in each arm. He ran up to Rey, butting his head into her stomach in lieu of a hug. “Thanks Mom!” He hoisted the cats into her face. “Star Wars and Dusty say thank you too!” She gingerly stroked the tops of their heads and sighed again. “You’re all very welcome.”

She reached for her wallet. “How much do we owe you for the vegetables?” She asked the farmer. He beamed at her. “No charge! I’m just chuffed to see the rest of this little family stay together.”

She smiled warmly at him. “That’s so kind of you. I wish we lived closer so we could come back.” He returned her smile. “I’m at the Union Depot farmers market every other Saturday. Swing by and let me know how the little guys are doing!”

Rey crawled into the van and sat on the middle bench with Kylo and Cory, biting her lip as she eyed the tortoiseshell kitten. “Which one is this again?” She asked Cory on the other side of Kylo.

“Dusty!” He looked up at her slyly. “Unless you want to name it…”

The kitten crawled over and plopped into Rey’s lap, rubbing her face against Rey’s legs. She looked down and stroked the kitten’s mottled fur. “She looks like a turtle brownie,” she mused.

“Turtle!” Cory crowed. “I like Turtle better.” He turned to Kylo. “Dad, what’s your cat’s name?”

Kylo colored, ducking his head bashfully. “I think Olive is a good name.” Rey tittered and poked his pink cheek. “You were probably thinking about this as soon as you saw them,” she teased him.

Finn let out a round of sneezes from the front seat. Rey gasped. “Oh my god, Finn, I forgot you’re allergic to cats!”

“Ith’okay,” he snuffled.

Poe grinned at them through the rearview mirror. “We’ll buy you an air filter as a welcome gift to the kitties.”

Rey gasped again. “We need like, food and stuff! Poe, first Target you see, we’re there. We don’t need to add cat poop to the list of the things on the floor of this van.”

Cory snickered. “Don’t worry Mom, if Star Wars poops I’ll make sure it only gets on you.”

Rey heard smothered giggles from the front seat while she pursed her lips at him. “You mean you’ll make sure it only gets on YOU.”

He stuck his tongue out at her and she responded with a cross eyed grin. Cory dissolved into giggles.

Somewhere between stopping for gas and Target, Cory fell asleep, draped in snoozing kittens. Rey shushed everyone, leaning over Kylo to take dozens of pictures.

“Why do you need so many?” Kylo whispered in her ear.

“Because,” she responded with a smirk, swiping through them until she found the best one and then opened Instagram. Kylo gave her a long, sardonic look and she made a face at him.

“What? Cory is a fan-favorite! His pictures get about twice as many likes as any of the others.” She pouted on the last few words and Kylo grinned at her.

“Are you jealous of your own son’s cuteness?”

She let out a long sigh, looking at Cory. “I would be if he wasn’t so damn adorable.”

Kylo nuzzled her ear. “He gets it from his mom.”

“We can hear you, you know!” Finn loudly whispered.

“You guys are so cute it’s disgusting,” Poe added, but he followed it with a playful wink.

Cory slept the rest of the way home, Rey nearly joining him as she snuggled against Kylo’s side. When they pulled into their narrow driveway, she shook off her drowsiness, poking Kylo’s shoulder.

“Can you carry him inside?”

Kylo gently eased Cory into his arms, kittens and all, and carried him into the house.

“Leave the gear,” Rey told Poe and Finn, who were exchanging yawns. “Too tired to unpack. I’ll drive over your tent and stuff tomorrow.”

“Thanks love,” Finn said, dropping a kiss onto her cheek.

Rey dragged a litterbox inside and dumped some litter into it, followed by filling some dishes with food and water. She nodded at the little set up. “That’ll do for now.”

She moved the front door to gather the mail that had accumulated on the floor. A heavy, legal sized envelope bulging with papers lay on top of some bills and an ad flier. She frowned, flipping it back and forth. There was no postage, and no return address. The white paper displayed only her name and address, written in an elegant cursive with bold backstrokes.

She wandered into the kitchen, pulling open the envelope and sliding the documents out onto the counter. Her eyes widened when she saw the First Order logo in the corners. The document on the top of the pile sported an angry, red stamp.

“CONFIDENTIAL.”

She heard Kylo’s footsteps padding down the hallway and jumped, stuffing the papers back into the envelope and quickly dropping it into a drawer. Kylo appeared, yawning and rubbing his eyes. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed her cheek.

“I’m going to bed, sweetie. Are you coming?”

Rey swallowed, her vision still filled with the image of the bright red stamp. “Yeah,” she forced out, trying to keep her voice light. “Just give me a few minutes.”

Kylo didn’t seem to pick up on the tension in her voice, or he was just too tired to care. “Sure,” he responded, leaving her with another kiss.

She waited until she heard the bathroom door close and the splash of water in the sink before she pulled out the envelope again. She paged through the documents, scanning them quickly. She didn’t need to puzzle over them. TC United had trained her how to read legal documents, especially those of large corporations. Her team spent a lot of time pouring over tax records and other forms they could get their hands on. Other teams monitored government organizations and programs for human rights abuses or illegal activity, but keeping tabs on government organizations was much easier than watching private corporations. They had to be able to spot the slightest discrepancies from the meager documentation and reports they had. And they had trained Rey well.

She grew dizzier with each paper she flipped through. Legal forms, reports, memos – even emails – screamed at her with dark implications. Halfway through the stack, she stuffed them back into the envelope, bracing herself against the counter. Her vision swam and she didn’t realize she was crying until fat tears dropped onto the envelope, leaving ragged rings. She knotted her fingers in her hair, mentally arguing with herself.

_ Maybe he doesn’t know. _

_ How can he not know? He’s COO.   _

She traced the lines of her name on the envelope, smearing the tear-soaked ink. Whoever left this envelope for her had done thorough research, collecting absolutely everything they needed to bring down First Order executives. They had tied her to Kylo. They knew where she lived.

Fury battled with panic, tightening her chest. She stuffed the envelope inside a plastic grocery bag and then shoved the bag far into the back of a closet. She heard Kylo exit the bathroom and then the creak of her bedroom door. She scrubbed her face, suffocating her anger and alarm like a pillow over a face. Numbness crept into her limbs. She went into the bathroom to wash away the remnants of her discovery, hoping the darkness of her bedroom would shield her red eyes from Kylo. She knew she would have to confront him.

_ Tomorrow, _ a quiet voice lulled her, and she agreed with it. Tomorrow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo sorry this is a week late. I dropped my computer and dumped tea on it (the two incidents might have been related...) and it took a while to get my computer working again (by which I mean I left it alone for several days and it went back to normal. I guess the tea dried?).


	13. Chapter 13

Rey spent the next day in a brooding fog. Her thoughts turned over the documents hidden in her house with almost pathological intensity. Work was slow, giving her no respite from her thoughts. She played with, and discarded, the thought of striking up a casual conversation with someone from the team responsible for First Order enterprises. Even if she could get them to hint at any possible activity they knew of, she would never learn anything specific enough to be useful.

She had to talk to Kylo. The knowledge dragged her down, growing heavier every hour. She phoned Finn and asked if she could drop Cory off for the night, saying she wasn’t feeling good. They were happy to do it.

Then she texted Kylo.

_“I’m bringing Cory to Poe and Finn’s after work. Can I come over tonight?”_

Barely a minute passed before her phone chirped.

_“Always.”_

She forced smiles and light laughter when Kylo and Cory picked her up from work, trying to absorb herself in Cory’s enthusiastic stories from his day. Cory was thrilled when she asked him if he wanted to sleep over at Finn and Poe’s. She was vague with the details for the next morning, saying she would probably pick him up.

“And then bring me to daycare?” He followed up.

Rey swallowed. “Maybe,” she said mildly, inwardly wincing at her probably lie. She forced her thoughts to a dead-end. She didn’t want to think about tomorrow morning, but ever the practical one, had to have a plan.

She dropped Cory off, waving at him from the car and waiting until she saw him through their kitchen window to drive off. Too quickly, she found herself listening to the quiet whir of the elevator as it rose 37 stories to Kylo’s penthouse condo. She raised her hand to press the doorbell but the door swung open as her finger hit the button. She always forgot Kylo had a video feed of his door.

His face split in a grin that squeezed her chest. He leaned in to kiss her, sliding eager arms around her waist and pulling her inside.

When he pulled away his smile faded as he eyed her nearly empty arms. “Where’s your stuff?”

Rey took a steading breath. “I have to ask you something.”

Instantly, his face grew wary. He stepped farther away and sat down on an elegant sofa. “Okay?”

Rey perched next to him, half balancing on the edge with a sense of flight that put Kylo on guard. She gripped the handles of her purse before setting it on her lap. Avoiding his eyes, she unzipped the sleek bag and pulled the thick envelope out. Kylo didn’t even need to see inside to know what it held.

She set her bag on the ground and settled the envelope in her lap, running fingers over the ripples in the paper where her tears smeared the ink. She finally looked up at him and her heart turned cold. His face was bloodless and hard, like marble, his features frozen in dread. He knew.

“Tell me you didn’t have anything to do with this,” she begged him in a ragged whisper. Tears scratched at her throat.

His features unfroze and grew dark. “Of course I didn’t! I found out last week.”

She crushed the edges of the envelope, her fingers gouging into the paper. “You’ve know about this for a week?”

He didn’t respond, only unfolded from the couch in a burst of agitation and started pacing.

Her voice was disturbingly calm, but her words came like a punch to the face. “You lied to me.”

A muscle in Kylo’s jaw twitched as he stared at the floor.

“I asked you. I asked you what was wrong and you lied right to my face. And you made _me_ feel bad for doubting you!” Almost indistinguishable, her frame shook with distilled anger, which mounted every second he was silent. “What are you going to do about it?” She asked through gritting teeth.

Again, he didn’t answer, turning to look out a window at the sharp glint of the setting sun reflecting off glossy skyscrapers.

“Kylo!” Rey’s voice had a steely edge of desperation.

He turned around, planting his hands on his hips.

She repeated her question with hard, punctuated words. “What are you going to do?”

He let out a long breath and hung his head with a small shake. “I don’t know.”

His apathy infuriated her. “You don’t seem to understand what this means.”

He gave her a hard look. “I do, Rey.”

Steel snapped and fear-fueled anger rushed in. She leapt to her feet, slapping the envelope down on the couch with such violence that Kylo flinched.

“No! I don’t think you do. It means you could go to jail as an accomplice. Even if you have evidence you weren’t involved, you’ll be caught in the middle. It means every part of your life gets dragged in the public eye. Society _loves_ to crucify white-collared criminals. Do you think this won’t affect Cory and me? I could even be under investigation. Our whole past will get dug up. Our lives will turn into fodder for morning talk shows. How I kept Cory from you, that I’m an unmarried mom who raised a kid while on tour with her _band_. You’ll be the evil fraudster of a power-hungry company and I’ll be the irresponsible, wild-child, lover – a youthful mistake. And my work…” Rey dragged her hands over her face. “I’ll get fired or let go for mysterious reasons, or forced to resign. It doesn’t even matter than I’m on a totally different team, TC United will be suspected for covering this up. This could ruin their entire reputation. Or this information could have come from inside TC United! We have no idea! What if the person who gave me these documents in the first place comes forward?”

Kylo had shrunk under her tirade, looking even paler than she thought possible.  “You don’t know that. It’s worst-case scenario.” His voice wavered.

“No,” she bit. “It happens every time. Anyone at TC would tell you that.”

Kylo raked a hand through his hair. “Rey, I don’t know what to do.”

She crossed her arms. “Be the whistleblower and ask for protection.”

Kylo blanched. “I can’t let this get out.”

She growled in frustration. “Don’t make it worse by doing nothing or trying to find some equally illegal way out of it. You can’t cover it up!” Several agonizing and silent minutes ticked by as they stared at each other.

Her face crumpled. “I can’t let Cory get caught in the middle of this.”

Kylo stepped closer to her, arms outstretched in an attempt to soothe her. “Please don’t run away again. You can’t just take my own son out of my life like that. Think about what it will do to him.”

A tear raced down Rey’s cheek. “Think about what it will be like for him when this all blows up. And it will. A company this big…it always comes out.”

He licked his lips and haltingly shook his head, but didn’t say anything. He knew she was right.

“It’s not just you, Kylo. It’s your whole world. Cory’s in your life, and that means your world too. And your world isn’t safe for him. And I can’t be the supportive partner and stand by your side. Because this isn’t some kind of decision we made together. You joining First Order was very much _not_ a decision we made together. I have no obligation to live through the consequences of that decision. Cory especially doesn’t. I want him far away from this.”

Her fierce logic punched holes in him. They stared at each other. Tears glittered on both their faces now.

“I wish things were different,” Kylo whispered into the space between them. “I wish everything was different.”

“It’s too late,” Rey said. She grabbed her purse. Kylo felt like he was trapped in glass, unable to move while he watched her.

Rey crossed the room to the door, pausing with one hand on the knob to look back at him. “It’s too late,” she repeated, her fragile words barely audible. She slipped out. The door’s soft click was deafening.


	14. Chapter 14

**27 years ago**

He cradled the machine part, wondering what it was for. Shiny on some sides, gold, then silver, flashing metals as he turned it in his small hands. Gently rubbed a smudge from a surface machined so smooth it felt like glass. Every edge, perfect. The precision drew his eyes, sucked him in. He wanted to make something this beautiful.

“What are you doing? Don’t touch that!” His father’s gruff voice, the part ripped from his fingers, sharp edges rasping against the child’s skin. “I’m calling your mother to come get you.”

“No, please,” Ben pleaded. “I won’t touch anything, promise.” Chocolate eyes boring into his father’s face, begging him to reconsider. But Han already had his phone in hand.

**24 years ago**

He paced around the kitchen table, eyes flitting between the front door and his contraption. His _invention_ he thought with a proud sigh. With every pass, his fingers slid over a piece here, a part there, tenderly making sure everything was in place. He fiddled again with the satin ribbon perched on one surface. Deep blue, like the sky before night, he thought. Gold lettering flashed: “Third Grade Science Fair: 1st Place.”

The front door creaked open, keys rattling. He jumped, bouncing on his toes as he waited for his dad to take off his work boots and make his way into the kitchen. Han brought a scent Ben recognized from his earliest memories – machine oil, heavy and chemical, metal dust, sharp and clean, mixed with his aftershave, sweet like evergreens.  Smelled like his Dad, smelled like home. He practically vibrated with anticipation.

“Dad, look!” He shouted, jumping out of the way of his project to let his father admire every bolt and hinge. His father’s eyes scanned the small machine, pausing briefly on the blue ribbon.

“Huh,” he grunted. “What’s it do?”

“It’s a robot that folds t-shirts, look!” He placed a t-shirt into the loading tray delicately, then flipped a chrome switch on his controller, a birds-nest of colored wires and electrical circuits. Two metal arms lurched into action, pinching tong hands grasped the t-shirt edges and proceeded to fold with crisp creases and flush edges. Ben’s glowing eyes never left his father’s face as he watched the machine work.

“What’s the point of a robot that folds shirts if you have to stand there and put a new shirt in every few minutes?”

The glow blinked out. Ben fiddled with his single switch controller. He didn’t have words, they were squeezed out by the pressure in his throat. Han didn’t wait long for an answer, striding off towards his bedroom. The door slammed shut behind him.

**17 years ago**

He followed his father down the hallway, voice rising. “But Dad! If you just altered the process a little bit you would save so much time! I did the math; 30 seconds per part, which adds up to 3 hours per day, which you could use to make more! You could finish this shipment a week before you need to.” Han just snorted. “ _You_ did the math, okay, Ben.”

Ben scowled, attempting to edge around his dad to look Han in the face. “I _did._ It all makes sense, please, just try –“

“NO, Ben. This system’s worked for the whole project so far, I’m not going to just up and change it on my guys and muck it all up because my 15 year-old son did some math.”

“I already talked to the day foreman, she said it’s a great idea.”

Han spun around and stopped so fast Ben almost crashed into him. “You did _what?_ ” He growled.

Ben blanched. “I just wanted to make sure…”

“Never, ever, go behind my back again. Especially not to Trish.”

“I wasn’t!” Ben protested, his adolescent voice cracking. “I wanted to be positive it would work!”

“Well you wasted your time and Trish’s time. Good job. Maybe you need to find a summer job at a bookstore or something next year, someplace where dreamer’s schemes are welcome.” Han’s tone was scathing. He spun away from Ben and continued down the hallway and out of the house. Ben didn’t follow.

**14 years ago**

Ben ripped open the letter, pulse jumping dangerously after he saw the bold, black insignia in the upper left-hand corner. The letter was from First Order. The envelope felt thin, which discouraged him.

“ _Dear Mr. Ben Solo,_

_We are pleased to inform you that…”_

Ben whooped, waving the letter around wildly. His roommate poked his head in from the other room. Ben shoved the letter in his face.

“I got the internship!! I got it! Me! I did it!”

His roommate smiled at him, but it was tinged with jealousy. “Congrats, Ben. First Order, wow.”

Ben didn’t respond, he was rereading the first several lines of the acceptance letter again, but he caught the envious tones in his roommate’s voice. Pleasure spread through him, chased by shame. He shouldn’t feel so pleased about the disappointment of all the other applicants. The prestigious, six month internship with First Order was one of the first things incoming freshman in his engineering program learned about. One student got the position at the end of the first fall semester. If they did well, First Order extended the internship six months at a time. If at any point, the student didn’t measure up, they cut them loose and started the application process over. The CEO himself, Snoke, conducted the final interviews and handpicked the winner. Every student who ever got the internship, even the ones who only made it one cycle, went on to dazzling careers in any field they wanted. Those who made it to graduation usually chose to stay with First Order.

He reached for his phone to call his mom, then hesitated, deciding to wait until the next time he went home for the weekend. He wanted to see the look on his dad’s face when he told him. Ben smiled and sighed with relief as he imagined work at First Order instead of Millennium Falcon. No more micromanaging, no more being criticized for every tiny thing, even when he was sure he did it perfectly. People would actually listen to his ideas and trust him with important projects. It was like he could finally see his life in front of him, a life he looked forward to, one he made himself.

**Eight years ago**

“I love you.”

The words slipped from his lips. Despite the din around them, Rey heard him perfectly. Her arms went slack around his neck. Even in the low light, he could see the fear glimmering in her eyes and he followed the movement at her neck when she swallowed.

“Kylo…I…” Her lip caught in her teeth as she searched for words. This was the moment she hated the most. She had been so good at avoiding this moment. It had only been two months. This was happening too early.

“I can’t…” She waited for the flush of humiliation, the glares, the words he might call her, like, “broken,” or “heartless.” That’s what they always told her she was. Or maybe he’d tell her how hard it was for him to get close to people, how special it was for him to love her (those were other things the men in her past often said). He’d make her feel so guilty she started to cry. But Kylo had a temper. Maybe he would yell and frighten and embarrass her. Yes, she decided. Kylo would yell.

Instead, he smiled. A soft, small thing, meant just for her. He trailed the back of a finger across her forehead.

“It’s okay.” His smile grew into a slight smirk. “I still love you.”  

Her eyelashes fluttered as she blinked and his smile grew slightly. Her breath whooshed out. He pressed a tiny kiss to the top of her head before tugging her hand. “C’mon, I can see Poe over there waving at us.”

She followed him into the crowd, disoriented. She felt like her heart was trying to float out of her chest. She grabbed his forearm with her free hand and tucked herself against his side.  

**Seven years ago**

“I love you.”

Kylo thought he imagined it. He’d imagined Rey saying it plenty of times before. He looked down. She was nestled against his chest, chin tilted up, watching him.

“I love you.” She didn’t blink, didn’t look away.

Kylo smoothed a finger along her cheek. He’d waited patiently for almost a year to hear her say that. “Why now?”

Rey wet her lips. “Last week. You said, ‘someday we should move to Australia. Maybe when we retire.’ I’m not even sure if you thought I was really listening. But you weren’t joking. You just said it. ‘We.’ Like it was just a given that we’d be together when we’re old and wrinkly. That’s when I realized you mean it.”

Kylo stared at her wonderingly, a tiny smile playing on his face. “Mean what?”

“You mean it when you say you’ll love me forever.”

Kylo pressed a gentle kiss against her temple, lips lingering on her skin. “I do mean it.”

They lapsed into warm silence, Rey running her fingers along the lines of Kylo’s forearm.

“Can you say it one more time?”

Rey giggled, turning in his arms to scatter little kisses on his face between words. “I love you I love you I love you.”

Kylo laughed, squeezing his arms around her as she giggled again. He wasn’t bitter that it took Rey so much longer to tell him she loved him than it took him. Her dad died when she was five, then her mom ran away. She’d only ever had her grandparents, but they’d moved her all over the states and part of Europe for over ten years because of their jobs. There weren’t many things that Rey trusted, and not many people that she truly loved. Kylo knew how much it meant for her to say those words.

**Six years ago**

Rey hung up the phone, staring at Finn and Poe in wide-eyed shock. Then she broke into a huge smile.

“We got the deal!” She screamed. Everyone broke into grins and cheers. Finn scooped her up into a bear hug, lifting her off her feet and squeezing her breath out. Poe planted a huge kiss on Finn. Everyone was slapping them on the back, offering their hugs and congratulations. Her head spun and her face ached from her smile.

“Arrund ‘nn ze haas!” Chewie announced in his thick accent, pulling out glasses and filling them with everyone’s favorite drink. Another cheer went up from the bar. Someone shoved a whisky ginger in Rey’s hand and she stopped short, head whipping around the bar. “Where’s Kylo?”

“He got a call like ten minutes ago, went outside,” Snap told her. Finn and Poe exchanged nervous glances as Rey rolled her eyes.

“I’ll be right back,” she muttered. Once outside, she walked around the bar, looking for her boyfriend. She spied him standing under the circle of a street light, frowning at his phone.

She went running at him with a grin. “Kylo!” She launched herself into his arms, and he caught her as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

“Guess what?” Her eyes sparkled. He raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“We got signed!!! Bruce just called. He wants us to come in tomorrow to discuss specifics.” She squirmed in his arms with excitement. “Can you believe it?!”

He smiled wanly at her. “That’s really great Rey. You worked hard for this.”

She stilled, jumping down from him and standing at arms-length. “We _all_ worked hard for this.” Kylo nodded distractedly. His smile was gone. They stared at each other for several seconds. His face was hard to read under the harsh street light.

“What’s wrong? Why aren’t you excited? This is our dream, Kylo!” She grabbed his hand, tugging him towards the bar. “Come on, everyone’s celebrating.”

He pulled out her grasp and swallowed. “Hux called. I have to go in for an emergency meeting really early tomorrow morning. I have some stuff I need to get together for it.”

Rey stared, slack-jawed and speechless.

“Sorry, Rey,” he apologized lamely. It rang hollow. “This is really important.”

She found her voice. “ _This_ is really important. Kylo, we’re signed. This is it. We’re going places. Bruce said he’s already getting tour dates lined up. This means you can leave First Order. No more working for that slime-ball Snoke.”

Kylo’s voice was cold. “That _slime-ball_ is my boss, and First Order is important to me. I’ve been working there for years. I have to go. I can’t just drop everything else in my life because the band got signed.”

Rey gaped, and Kylo tried to tear his gaze away from the lost look on her face. He reached out to brush her cheek with his hand but she flinched out of his reach. “I’ll call you later and we can talk about it,” he said, sounding hurt. He walked a few steps, then hesitated, turning back towards her. “Obi would be so proud of you,” he told her. She could barely see his profile from her spot, still under the street lamp.

Rey watched the darkness swallow him as he walked down a side street to his car. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks and she angrily smeared them away. She sniffed, gathering herself up and plastering a bright smile on her face. _It’s just work. He’ll come around. It’ll be fine._ Then she marched back into the bar, determined not to let his mercurial moods ruin her night. The Resistance just got signed. She was literally watching her life-long dreams come true. She wished so hard her grandpa was here to see.

He didn’t come around. He showed up at her apartment the next afternoon, and announced his decision with robotic neutrality.

“I’m leaving The Resistance.”

Rey’s eyes glimmered with tears as she stared at Kylo. His face was impassive, cold. Like a stranger’s face.

“How can you do this to us?”

“Do you really think The Resistance has a future? We’re a little band from the Midwest. There’s a million like us.”

“We just got signed by a pretty big label. We have a tour lined up. We already have a future.”

He set his mouth in a hard line and looked away. “I made this decision before we got signed.”

Rey’s chin trembled. “So unmake it.”

He watched her for a moment, a hint of sadness stealing over his face. “It’s too late.”

“No, it’s not,” she growled. She ran her hands through her hair, attempting to blink away her tears. “This isn’t you, Kylo.”

He took a step back. “Snoke is offering me a huge promotion. He basically promised me COO in a few years.”

“But this is our dream.”

“No, Rey. First Order is my dream. I never expected The Resistance to last this long.” He snorted. “Like being some kind of rock star is really something I ever wanted.”

She felt like she’d been kicked in the stomach, ignoring his rock star comment. “What are you talking about? How come you never told me this? Why didn’t you tell me this _before_ we started The Resistance?”

“You never wanted to hear about it,” he bit back angrily. “Any time I brought up First Order you just shut down. You have this blind faith in The Resistance, like if you just kept working and marketing and pushing us we would make it.”

“Kylo, we _did_ make it. We did it. I was right. It’s all worth it.”

His tone was frigid. “I’m not changing my mind. You guys will have to go on without me.”

Tears streaked down Rey’s face. “We might lose the record deal because of this.”

Kylo shrugged and Rey almost slapped him. “You’ll figure it out.” His face softened, and he took a step towards her, reaching for her hand.

She smacked his hands away. “Don’t you fucking touch me,” she growled. Kylo froze, eyes wide.

“You leave The Resistance with no warning. You’re not even sorry. And you expect me to what, be okay with it? Just keep on like nothing’s wrong?”

His face filled with genuine remorse. “I am sorry, Rey. I don’t want to do this to you guys. But I just can’t be a part of the band anymore. It’s time to move on. And how can you ask me to give this up? I can’t just pass First Order by and throw all those years to waste because of some band.”

“You say it like The Resistance is a pair of shoes that don’t fit anymore and not two years of sacrifice and tears and work.”

He sighed. “It’s just…complicated. There is more going on at First Order. Things that are out of my control.” His eyes pleaded for her to understand.

“That’s such bullshit,” she snarled. He opened his mouth to protest and she cut him off. “There is no possible reason that could justify this. Don’t even try.”

His face grew wearied. “Rey, please, I can’t talk about it right now. Can you just trust me that this is the right decision? I promise everything will make sense someday.”

Her jaw dropped. “Trust you?” She screeched. “I will _never_ trust you again.” His face fell and she glared at him for another minute, limbs shaking. “I don’t even know who you are anymore. I feel like the last two years have been a lie. What about us, Kylo?”

“What about us?” His tone was dark, menacing. His face begged her not to push further.

“Am I the next to go?”

“What?” He harshly demanded.

“Well you’ll be needing a shiny new girl to go with your shiny new life. Someone with a rich daddy who will invite you out to golf. Has a job in marketing or PR or something. Lives in stilettos and never has chipped nails. Flawless makeup, perfect hair. Someone very much _not_ like me.”

“You are being so fucking ridiculous, Rey! What the hell does that mean?” Kylo snapped, slamming a fist against the wall nearest him.

She stared, shaking with barely controlled rage, straining desperately to hold back the storm of tears waiting to break out. Without a word, she brushed past him, yanking open the door to her apartment. She held it open, her gaze level and firm on his face. “Get. Out.”

“Rey?” Real fear shone on his face for the first time since the beginning of the conversation. Any compassion she might have had was quashed by her overwhelming fury. He gulped, taking hesitant, uncommitted steps out the door to stand in the hallway. Tears continued to spill the edges of Rey’s eyes, but she didn’t make a sound. She was still staring at him.

“I’ll call you?” Kylo’s voice was hoarse.

“No.”

His throat welled and he started to regret everything he’d just said. First Order be damned. He couldn’t let this happen.

“Don’t call me. Don’t see me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t even think about me. Just go.”

A thousand words crowded his mouth, and he opened it to let them out, to tell her everything. He had to explain. And say what? Any explanation he gave her would just make her hate Snoke and First Order more, and him by extension. He snapped his mouth shut. He would give her time to cool off. She’s understand eventually. It would be okay. He backed away from the door, searching her stony face. Without another word, she slammed the door shut. The sound echoed through the building, making him feel like it was being slammed shut again and again.

Rey slumped into a corner, wrapping her arms around her middle. Gasps came fast and heavy, she couldn’t breathe. Her last words to him hammered through her head. Her mind screamed with denial, as thought after thought flew through her head. That she would never hear his laugh again, the one she only heard when they were cuddled in bed and she said something especially hilarious. That she didn’t get to run her hands through his thick hair, or lose herself in their kisses, every one of which had always been perfect. Dreams were dying within her, shriveling up one at a time until her future was swallowed in murky darkness.

Rey cried for hours, curled up in her bed in a huddle of hot tears. She eventually called up Finn and Poe to meet at their place. Her conversation with them about Kylo was short and sparse. She told them in as few words as possible that he’d left The Resistance for First Order.

They sat in silence for several minutes, Finn with his arm around Rey and Poe with his chin on Finn’s shoulder on the other side.

Poe broke the silence. “Have you talked to Bruce yet?” Rey shook her head. She let out a deep, weary breath. “What are we going to do? We can’t play without Kylo. We’re fucked.” She swallowed back more tears.

“Snap?” Finn offered. “He’s played with us before. He’s pretty good. Works really hard, I’m sure he’d catch up to us soon.”

Rey nodded slowly. “Let’s talk to him.”

“I’ll call him,” Poe volunteered. While he dialed and waited for Snap to pick up, Finn turned to Rey.

“How are you guys?” He murmured. The question was mostly a formality. Her red eyes told him everything he needed to know.

Rey morosely shook her head. “Over.”

Finn pulled her closer and pressed a gentle kiss on her temple. “I’m sorry, sweetie.” She slumped against Finn, swallowing. “Me too.” They turned their attention back to Poe, who was explaining the situation to Snap. Poe’s voice sounded encouraged and his face looked hopeful when he hung up.

Finn’s eyebrows went up. “What does Snap think?”

“He was touched we asked him, but obviously he wants to talk about it. I told him to come over. That okay?” Poe directed the question to Rey, who nodded weakly while she stared at the carpet. Poe and Finn shared a sorrowed look. Finn gave Rey another squeeze. “It’s going to be okay.”

A week passed without a word from Kylo. Part of Rey was disappointed, even though that’s what she’d told him she wanted. She wished he had fought her on it. She’s never outright told him to choose between her and First Order, but it seemed she’d lost to First Order anyway.

Bruce was livid about Kylo leaving, but his anger mostly subsided when he heard Snap play. They’d have to delay the tour and reschedule several dates, but they didn’t lose the deal. Rey tried to be happy about it. Her thoughts were so preoccupied with The Resistance and Kylo that she didn’t notice her period was late. She had never been very regular. _It’s probably the stress,_ she told herself. Still, she trudged to CVS and bought a pack of pregnancy tests to dispel her nagging doubts.

The indicator remained blank for far longer than Rey thought it should. Just when she was about to throw it away and get another one out of the box, something started to form. Two lines, slowly resolving into a pink plus sign.

Positive.

She was pregnant. She slumped against the wall and slid down to sit on the faded linoleum. The test trembled in her hand, the pink plus sign smearing in her vision. She dropped it, folding both hands over her abdomen.

There was a ball of cells in her. And if she let it, it would turn into an embryo, then a fetus. Then, a baby. She counted the months in her head. In March, she would have a baby. _A spring baby,_ she mused. She imagined her stomach swelling, and rubbed her middle. Then imagined herself taking a trip to the clinic. It would be a strain on her bank account, but then she’d be free, with one less thing to worry about.

Indecision roiled inside her. It didn’t feel real. She stayed curled up in the bathroom for a long time. Then she sighed, reaching for her phone. It didn’t matter how furious she was at Kylo, she had to tell him. She wanted to tell him. She refused to let herself wonder what this meant for their future, pushing away images that glimmered hope into her mind. She hit his speed-dial number on her phone, but before she pressed call, her phone buzzed. Leia.

Unconcerned, she answered the call. Leia called her often, it would probably be short, an invitation to dinner or something. Maybe Kylo had told Leia about their breakup and she was calling to check in.

“Hey Leia,” Rey answered.

“Rey.” Leia’s voice wavered, thick and unsteady. Concern welled inside her.

“What’s wrong?”

A pause. “It’s Kylo.”

“What happened? Is he okay?”

Leia sniffed. “I don’t know what’s come over him. Snoke just left Han’s office. First Order is buying out Millennium Falcon.”

Rey’s mouth went dry. “What are you talking about? That’s impossible.”

Leia sniffed again, swallowing past tears. “He said Kylo himself made the decision and was setting the terms. He’s in charge of the whole thing.”

Rey began to feel sick. “This can’t possibly be right. How does that even work?”

“First Order has been buying up all the companies Millennium does business with over the last year. They drove us into the ground, we’re barely scraping by. The bank is demanding we pay back our loans, even though we have ten years and we’ve never missed a payment. Snoke’s doing, I’m sure. Not that we could prove it. It’s all technically legal, as far as we can prove.”

Rey reeled. “I didn’t know about any of this.”

“We kept it to ourselves until we could figure out what the hell was going on. Kylo wouldn’t talk about it. Now I know why.” Leia bit back a sob. “Can you please talk to him? I know he’ll talk to you. He won’t answer any of our calls for the last week.”

Rey hesitated. “We aren’t really…together right now. We aren’t even talking. After how he left the band…We got into a really big fight.”

Leia inhaled sharply. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know, Rey.”

Rey murmured vague condolences. “I could try, Leia, but I doubt he would say anything to me. I don’t particularly want to talk to him.” _That’s a lie._ She picked up the pregnancy test and ran a finger over the display. A few quiet moments passed before Leia sighed mournfully. “Rey, I don’t expect you to fix this. But if you do talk to him, could you ask? Anything would be helpful.”

“I’ll try,” she half-whispered. It was an empty promise.

“Thank you.”

They hung up, Rey let the phone slip out of her grasp and it thunked onto the linoleum. Her breath came in short wheezes as she sobbed into her hands. Her sobs turned into strained gasps, and she grew dizzy. Her stomach roiled – she crawled to the toilet and emptied her breakfast into it. She curled into a ball next to the wall, counting through slow breaths in her head. She hadn’t had a panic attack since her grandfather died, but she remembered how to deal with them. _Like riding a bike,_ she thought bitterly. She pulled an instant ice pack out from under the sink, popped it and shook it to life, then pressed it to her neck. After several minutes, her skin was numb, but her breathing was steadier. She shakily got to her feet and padded into her bedroom. She crammed a couple changes of clothes, toiletries, and some cash into her backpack. She had to get out. She just needed to be away for a while. The events of the last few weeks crowded her mind. Kylo leaving The Resistance. Their breakup. The uncertainty of their record deal. She was pregnant. First Order was destroying Han and Leia’s business. The thoughts loomed up, threatening to crush her down into panic again. _I can’t do this._ _Away. I just need to be away. I can’t do this._ Satine lived only four hours north, and she always welcomed unexpected visits. She scrubbed her face with the back of her hands, calming. A _week up north, somewhere quiet. I’ll figure out what to do about everything. Maybe Kylo will snap out it. He can’t possibly put his father out of business._ But the chilling indifference with which he told her he was leaving The Resistance protested all her thoughts. There was a part of him she didn’t recognize, a part of him capable of terrible things. It terrified her.

 She scribbled a little note to Finn with a promise to call the next day, taped it to her garage door, then shut off her phone. She just didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. They would try to talk her out of it, ask her what was wrong, why she was leaving. She didn’t want to deal with more pitying looks and sympathetic platitudes.

Before long, she was on the highway, leafy aspen forests flashing past. She felt better with every passing mile. _It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay,_ she chanted to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys get TWO new chapters today, mostly to make up for my looooong absence. I promise I don't forget about this!


	15. Chapter 15

Rey lied to Cory. She’d never lied to him before, not flat-out. She told him Daddy was out of town on a trip for a while, and couldn’t talk on the phone. Cory believed her without a bat of his long, dark lashes. He asked when Kylo would be back and they could talk again. Rey said she wasn’t sure. Another lie.

She’d have to tell him the truth eventually, but every time she pictured it, ready with the words in her head, all she could see was Cory and Kylo drawing cartoon robots, Cory and Kylo playing Star Wars on the floor of Finn and Poe’s, Cory and Kylo reading bedtime stories, fixing their hair side by side in the bathroom, nearly identical expressions of concentration pasted on their faces. Kylo patiently letting Cory dress himself, even when he picked the most distressing combinations of eye-sore patterns and colors. Their raucous laughter when they challenged each other to a spaghetti slurping contest and then Rey beat them both. Falling asleep in Rey’s bed in a jumbled heap, after watching Cory’s favorite movie for the third time that week.

The memories followed her around at every turn, crowding out whatever words she strung together. She knew there were no words that wouldn’t hurt. Nothing she could say would make Cory understand. She spent hours replaying the first day she saw Kylo again, wondering what would have happened if she had went to the Thai restaurant up the block like Finn wanted. But as hard as she tried, she couldn’t force herself to wish it different.

Instead, she wished for an answer. A sign. Anything that would tell her she was doing the right thing. But nothing came. She went to sleep every night as confused as when she woke up.

The next weekend, she drove Cory down to Han and Leia’s for a sleepover. They’d made the plans long before, but Rey hadn’t spoken to them since she’d left Kylo.

They both greeted them at the door with delighted smiles, despite the gloomy skies and heavy rains.

“Ben – er, Kylo, couldn’t make it?” Leia asked with studied mildness.

Rey looked away. “No,” she said simply.

Leia and Han had a silent conversation over Rey’s head as she helped Cory out of his rain jacket and boots. Han glanced pointedly at Rey with a raised eyebrow and Leia flashed him a warning look, her eyes sliding worriedly to Cory. Han pursed his lips and nodded his chin at Leia, who gave a tiny shake of her head. _“You do it,”_ she mouthed at him. Han scowled, quickly replacing it with a pleasant smile when Rey looked up.

“Coffee?” Offered Leia. Rey nodded and slid into a chair.

“I’ve got cookies for you, Cory,” Leia told him. He scrambled excitedly into a chair next to Rey. Leia set a mug in front of Rey, the perfect shade of milk chocolate brown. She expected it had exactly one scoop of raw sugar and a splash of cream, the way she liked it. Her mind flashed back to the coffee Kylo left her the morning after their first night back together. Kylo admired Han more than he liked to admit, but he was much more like his mother. They always remembered the little things. Rey’s eyes watered as she stared numbly at the steaming cup.

Leia swiped some cookies from the plate and held her hand out to Cory. “Cory, I’ve got a bunch of your dad’s old toys in the basement, let’s go check them out. I’ll bring the cookies.”

“Cool!” Cory jumped from his chair and grabbed Leia’s hand, excitedly pulling her down the flight of stairs to the basement.

Han took his time pouring his own cup of coffee and then settled into a chair across the table from her.

“I’ve never seen you so unexcited by coffee,” he joked.

Rey looked up from her cup with a small sniff. “Sorry,” she said softly, her eyes dropping back down.

“What happened, Rey?” Han asked, all trace of humor gone. Rey sighed deeply and transferred her stare to the fat raindrops rolling down a window over Han’s shoulder.

“I thought he’d changed. I wanted to trust him.”

Han steadily watched her. “Trust him to do what?”

“Put Cory and I first. Over work.”

Han hummed in understanding. “So this is about First Order.”

Rey sipped her coffee and nodded. “More or less. Choices he’s made, and the one’s he’s currently making – they’re putting Cory and I in the way of possible danger. Not physically, I mean, our lives. The way we live.”

Han frowned. “I’m not sure I follow.”

Rey appeared to be intensely debating with herself. She crossed the kitchen to close the basement door and sat down again, leaning forward. “What I’m going to tell you, you absolutely cannot repeat. Not even to Leia.”

“Rey, I can’t –“ he began before she cut him off.

“I’m serious.”

He studied her grave expression. “I can't lie to my wife. But I can promise no one else will know.

"Okay,” she agreed reluctantly. Rey took a deep breath and launched into the story, starting with the mysterious envelope that appeared on her doorstep and ending with her last words to Kylo.

Han’s face fell with every sentence. After she finished, they sat in dejected silence, Han with his hands on his head. He let out a long breath. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I kind of understand what he’s doing and why.”

Rey stared at him in total disbelief.

He gave a sad half-smile. “Now I have to tell you something.”

Rey leaned back and folded her arms with a skeptical look, but nodded him on.

He started with Kylo’s freshman year of college, and his “betrayal” to Millennium Falcon. Han’s mouth twisted throughout his story. “Leia and I were heartbroken, but looking back, I see why he did it. We drove him away, me especially. He was a brilliant kid. I should have trusted him with more, let him be more involved. First Order was a dream come true to him. But I don’t think he knew what he was getting into, with Snoke. That man really got into his head. And then they shut us down. Leia forgave him and tried to preserve some semblance of a relationship. But not me. I thought I would never forgive him. But I had a lot of years to think about it. A lot of years to ponder what went wrong.” He combed a hand through his hair, searching for his next words. “The first time he brought Cory over, we got to talking about you. About what happened. He told me some things that really spun my head.” Han chuckled.

Hope flickered on Rey’s face. “What things?”

Han recounted their conversation and when he finished, it was Rey’s turn to sit in stunned silence. Han held up his hands. “I’m not saying it’s right, or good, or what he should have done. But it does change things.”

Rey nodded, swirling her now cold coffee in her mug. “I think it does.” She gulped down the rest of it anyway and stood up shakily. “I guess I should be going, I have some things to finish today. I’ll be by to get Cory tomorrow around two. Sound okay?”

“Of course.” He offered her a hug and she gratefully accepted.  “I don’t know if I made things easier or harder by telling you all that.”

Rey smiled wanly. “I think harder, but I’d rather know. I’m glad you told me.”

She shouted a goodbye down the stairs and then ran to her car in the pouring rain. When she got home, she sat in her car for a long time, soothed by the rattle of the rain on the roof. She sat, thinking.

* * *

Days passed. The whole office knew something was wrong. Lyn gave him a curious look on his first day in without Cory. By the end of the week, her looks were pitying. He couldn’t stand walking past the daycare and started coming in on the other side of the building, even though it added a good five minutes on to his hike to his office. Mitaka fielded as many calls and issues as he could, taking care of everything that wasn’t absolutely dependent on Kylo. He wanted to think his assistant was doing it out of kindness, but he knew it was fear. Kylo kept his personal phone off during most of the day, in a desperate attempt to prevent himself from obsessively checking it for a call, a text, even an email, from Rey.

At least twice each day, Kylo quashed the urge to march into Snoke’s office, tell him he knew the truth, and quit on the spot. Sometimes he wanted to call up The New York Times and spill everything, letting Snoke find out about it via a call down to the police office, or a furious call from his lawyer, or even a blurb on TV.  But Rey’s face always appeared in his mind as she laid out the many ways First Order could ruin her and Cory’s lives, regardless of what he did. He kept silent.

The following Tuesday, after Kylo sent the fifth intern crying from his office in a week, Phasma appeared in his doorway, unannounced. He ignored her, loudly shuffling through papers and banging on his keyboard.

He didn’t hear her approaching steps and jumped when her palms came down the edge of his desk with an ominous thud. He finally looked up at her. Her plum blouse made her eyes look navy, their deep color intense and focused. Shame welled in him, like he was a child again, caught under the all-knowing stare of his mother after he’d broken something valuable.

After a painfully silent minute, she spoke. “What are you doing?”

Kylo knew she wasn’t referring to the papers and open laptop on his desk. With a stubborn set of his jaw, he defiantly answered. “I don’t know to what you are referring.”

She gave one short shake of her head with a disappointed sigh, probably the largest display of any inner turmoil he’d ever seen from her. She leaned away from his desk and serenely folded her arms. “The merger meeting got moved to today. In an hour, in fact. Conference room A3.”

Kylo swore. “No one's called or emailed. Why in hell would Snoke do that?”

She slightly cocked her head. “Snoke makes many questionable decisions.” Without waiting for a response, she turned and strode out of his office, heels clicking on the hard floors of the hallway.

He stared after her, again feeling unsettled by her visit, like the one several weeks prior.

His intercom beeped. “Yes, Mitaka?”

“Sorry, sir, I’m so sorry to disturb you, but an email came in, the merger meeting was moved,”

“To today in an hour, yes I know. Phasma just told me. By the way, how does she get in here without me knowing?”

Mitaka cleared his throat. “Ahh, she tells me I’ll get fired if I announce you.”

Kylo almost smiled. “She can’t fire you, Mitaka, so don’t let her do that again.”

Mitaka sounded like he might faint. “I’ll try, sir.”

At least there was one person his staff was more afraid of, Kylo thought wryly.

After another 40 minutes of attempting to focus on his work and miserably failing, he headed to the meeting. Every sluggish step reminded him this meeting was a lie, one he was now complicit in. He thought back to his freshman self, unbearably excited by the acceptance letter from First Order. _What if I told that 18 year old boy that I would turn into a white collar criminal some day? Would I have chosen any differently?_ Kylo wanted to say he would, but he wasn’t sure it was the truth.

He got to the meeting a moment before it was supposed to start and sat down at the conference table with barely a nod to Imperial Tech, the board members, or any of his staff in the room. Hux, ever the thin-lipped, snooty Brit, grimaced in his direction as Kylo remained cold and silent.

The meeting started shortly after, and Kylo’s thoughts drifted, the discussion becoming a wordless drone in the background. His phone buzzed in his pocket, startling him back to the meeting. Hux heard it, and frowned at him. Kylo slipped it from his pocket to set it to silent, and his fingers froze when he saw the screen.

_One missed call from Rey Kenobi_

The phone vibrated again – it was Rey. His finger hovered between the accept and reject buttons. By now, several more people were looking his direction and Snoke’s face held a hint of disapproval. He let the call pass.

His phone buzzed again. Rey, calling him a third time. Hux shot him a murderous glare and Phasma was watching with detached amusement. Kylo looked at his buzzing phone, then Snoke and the rest of the board, then back to his phone. He pulled up a blank text message.

 _In merger meeting. Very important. What’s up?_ Her reply was almost instantaneous.

_Cory got hit by a car. It’s bad. They’re taking him to New Hope Children’s Hospital. Please be there._

The voices of the meeting collapsed into each other and his head filled with a roar. Kylo stared at Rey’s text until his eyes started to burn. Then he started jamming things into his briefcase at random and shoved back out of his chair. The entire room stared at him, open mouthed, except Snoke, who was frowning deeply. He ignored them, heading for the door. Hux jumped up and followed him, wrenching his arm back before Kylo could leave.

“What are you doing?” He hissed. Kylo leaned over his shoulder to address the rest of the room. “I’m sorry to leave this way, but my son got hit by a car. Frankly I don’t give a fuck about this merger. I hope you all have a lovely day.”

Hux growled. “What are you doing? We’ve been working on this merger for the whole year. You’ve known that kid for barely two months.”

“Hux? Go fuck yourself _._ ”

Kylo swept out of the conference room without looking back. His insides got more and more twisted up as he drove recklessly through traffic to the hospital and parked haphazardly in the ER parking lot. He ran to the front desk.

“My son just got brought in on an ambulance, where do I go?”

The lady at the front desk pointed down the hallway and Kylo was already halfway to the waiting room before she even opened her mouth. He burst through the doors, nearly smacking into the glass when the automatic sensor didn’t move fast enough. Rey was sitting alone, crouched over in a chair, face in her arms.

“Rey!”

At the sound of Kylo’s voice she dropped her hands and relief washed over her face. He scooped her up, crushing her against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. She sobbed for a minute before tilting her head back. He cradled her face in one hand.

“What happened?”

Her voice wobbled. “He was playing near the edge of the sidewalk, I’m not sure, I was reading in the yard. A car went past, the driver was texting or something, and he swerved into the other lane. I heard the noise...oh God, Kylo the noise it made. The driver got out, he was yelling and crying, and Cory was laying in the street. I called 911 and they wouldn’t let me get in the ambulance with him and I asked them if he would be okay and they just looked at me! There was so much blood.” She started crying again, and he pulled her closer, tucking her head under his chin. He pulled her tighter, half to steady his shaking limbs and half just to feel her near. He couldn’t even be glad to see her again – he would happily return to radio silence if it meant Cory was fine.

“What about the driver?” Kylo asked, his voice rough.

Rey sniffed. “I think they arrested him. I don’t know, I wasn’t watching.”

Fury burned in Kylo, he wanted to track down the bastard and beat him to a pulp. Rey stilled in his arms.

“Kylo? Don’t do anything stupid.” Her tone carried a warning.

Kylo had connections. He could see the driver’s life was reduced to a miserable nothing – no job, no opportunities, total humiliation. He imagined making a few calls. He could have the driver fired, have his computer hacked, bank account drained – all of it untraceable. His stomach lurched at his own dark thoughts and he pushed them away. “Keep proving me right,” Rey had said to him once. I _have to prove her wrong. I have to do better_.

At that moment, a doctor emerged from the double doors past the waiting room, gaze alighting on Rey. They were at her side in a flash.

The doctor’s face was grim and Kylo’s heart sunk, his hand squeezing around Rey’s, waiting to hear the worst.

“I’m Dr. Rema, I’m on your son’s case while he’s in the ICU. Cory is in critical condition. He has several broken ribs, his right arm is broken, he has a severe concussion, some internal damage, and considerable brain swelling.”

Rey clapped her hand over her mouth and Kylo pulled her under his arm.

“He’s also lost a lot of blood. But he’s stable, which is the best news I can give you right now. It means he’s strong enough for emergency surgery, and we’ll do everything we can to take care of the internal injuries. We’re going to closely monitor him and try to bring the swelling down. The next 48 hours are the most precarious. If the swelling goes down, his chances of making a full recovery are very high. Children, especially children as young as Cory, are very resilient. If it doesn’t, several things could happen.”

Kylo’s voice was harsh and cutting. “Things? What things?”

The doctor pressed her lips together. “He will probably slip into a coma and is very unlikely to wake up, or the swelling could be fatal.”

Rey blinked while the words sunk in. Kylo wrapped the other arm around her.

The doctor held up a hand. “But this is mostly speculative. There is really no way to tell at this point what will happen. Try not to expect the worst. My team will keep you updated as frequently as possible.”

“Can we see him?” Rey choked out.

The doctor shook her head, brown eyes soft. “I’m sorry, but not yet. We’re prepping him for surgery right now. Dr. Amy Stratson will be performing the surgery. She’s an incredible pediatric surgeon and he’s in very good hands. Hopefully a few hours post-surgery you will be able to see him. In the meantime, we have a private family room in the ICU you can wait in. Please let the nurses know if you need anything. I’ll have one of them check in on you periodically.”

Kylo and Rey numbly followed the doctor through the doors and down several hallways to a small room with some couches, chairs, and a TV. Rey stood in the middle of the room, staring blankly at the furniture around her. Kylo pushed her gently towards a couch and they sat down, her head slumped against his chest.

“It’s going to be okay, Rey,” Kylo murmured over and over, stroking her hair.

Three hours passed. A nurse came and went, but she had no news. Rey cried softly, eventually slipping into a troubled sleep. Kylo propped her head up with a pillow and requested a blanket from the nurse, then left to find Dr. Rema. The nurse on duty sighed quietly when she saw him coming down the hall.

“We have no news, Mr. Ren.” Kylo scrubbed a hand through his hair and curtly nodded. “I thought as much.”

The nurse gave him a sympathetic look. “Waiting is the hardest part. We have a gift shop on the first floor with books and magazines. And a non-denominational spiritual center on the fourth floor.”

Kylo raised his eyebrows. “A non-demonin – what?”

“Like a chapel. Open to anyone.”

The nurse left him standing in the hallway, head swiveling between the room he’d just left and the elevators. Half in disbelief, he found himself taking the elevator up to the fourth floor. The spiritual center was steps from the elevator, and Kylo entered the room with cautious steps. The center held that heavy hush he’d felt in other similar places – churches, cathedrals, a Hindu temple he’d visited on a trip to India. The murmur of a fountain wall echoed off the high ceilings and tall windows. He sat lightly on the edge of a thickly padded bench along one wall, the fountain on one side and some variety of a broad-leaf tropical plant on the other. His hands curled uneasily around the edge as he hunched over and surveyed the room. A man with deep smile lines, graying hair, and square-framed glasses appeared from a side door. His hospital badge ID dangling from a lanyard decorated with a print of tiny golf balls and clubs identified him as a family counselor. He offered Kylo a friendly smile as he approached him.

“Welcome to the spiritual center. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Kylo shook his head brusquely with a nervous chuckle. “No, I don’t really know, uh, what I’m doing here actually.”

The man nodded to the bench. “May I?”

Kylo didn’t particularly want to talk to a stranger right now, but he didn’t want to be rude. He nodded and the man sat down next to him, extending a hand. “I’m Joe.”

Kylo shook his hand. “Kylo. So what do people usually come in here looking for?”

Joe looked around, considering his questions. “A lot of reasons. We have people who use it as a prayer room, or just somewhere quiet that they can reflect. Of course, people looking for professional help.” He pointed at himself. “We’re all trained grief counselors.”

“Lot of that in a hospital, I guess,” Kylo smiled sadly.

Joe nodded his head and Kylo chuckled dryly. “So is this where you tell me I’ve come searching for my deeper purpose or that I need to forgive my dad or something like that?”

Joe laughed. “No, this is the part where _you_ tell me you’re searching for your deeper purpose. I’m a therapist, not a psychic.”

Kylo chuckled again. “Can’t say I’m searching for a deeper purpose, I don’t think.”

“Why are you at New Hope?” Joe inquired kindly.

“My son was in a car accident. He’s in surgery right now. We – his mom and me – don’t know if he’ll make it out alright.” Saying the words out loud broke Kylo a little. He bridged his hands, pressing them hard against his mouth. “I can’t help feeling like it’s my fault.”

“Why do you feel like it’s your fault?”

“His mom and I, we got into a fight last week. If that hadn’t happened, he would have been in daycare in the building where I work, not playing outside. He wouldn’t have gotten hit.”

“Why did you two fight?”

Kylo chuckled darkly. “So many reasons.”

Joe clasped and unclasped his hands thoughtfully. “Couples say that but I’ve found most fights boil down to one or two basic things.”

“Well, Rey, that’s her name, would say it’s because of my work.”

Joe made an understanding sound. “Aahh. What about your work?”

“The nature of it. And how…dedicated I am.”

“Dedicated? That’s what she calls it?”

Kylo snorted. “No, that’s what I call it. She would probably call it cultish devotion, or egoism, or something. She thinks my boss is the anti-Christ. I mean, he kind of is. He’s ruthless. I don’t know if I would go so far as to say evil, but, well – no, he’s probably evil. Actually, he’s definitely evil. She knows I’m not that way, but still, I work for him. So how far off can I really be?”

“We are not our work, Kylo.”

“No, but I’ve made some pretty bad decisions. She doesn’t trust me to put our son first.”

“Is she wrong to not trust you?”

Kylo’s head hung. “I don’t think so. I don’t know.” He scrubbed his hair. “I really wish I could say she’s wrong, but I can’t.”

Joe stroked his short beard. “So what does that mean for all three of your futures?”

“It means I’m not in their futures. I can’t accept that.”

“You can’t accept reality?”

Kylo blinked. “No – I just mean, I can’t accept that’s how things will be.”

Joe gave a short nod with a bit of a smile. “Yes, so that’s called reality. It is the way things are right now if nothing changes.”

“Well then reality is shitty and I hate it,” Kylo blurted out. Joe just laughed.

“So change it. Change your job.”

Kylo was shaking his head. “Really bad things could happen.”

Joe furrowed his brow. “It sounds like bad things have already happened. What’s worse than not being with the people you love?”

Kylo opened his mouth to respond and then shut it. Joe was right. Bad things had already happened. He couldn’t imagine any future worse than one without Rey and Cory. He stood up abruptly. “I have to go talk to her.”

Joe smiled at him. “You do that. I hope it goes well.”

Kylo looked at him, suddenly awkward. “Uh, thanks, for listening to me. And helping.”

“It’s my job,” Joe laughed modestly.

Kylo thanked him again and sped out of the center, stabbing the elevator button repeatedly while he waited for it to arrive. His heart hammered all the way down to the second floor. The hallway back to the ICU was empty, except for the echoing click of someone’s heels. Kylo tilted his head, thinking they sounded familiar. He turned the corner and stopped in his tracks. They sounded familiar because they belonged to Phasma. She held a bundle of sunflowers in one hand.

“Ah! Just the person I was looking for. The nurse said you’d gone out. These are for Rey.” She extended the flowers to him and he took them, dumbfounded.

“Sunflowers are her favorite,” he said, still staring at the flowers.

Phasma smiled. “What a lucky coincidence.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes at her. Phasma didn’t ‘do’ coincidences, but he let the comment pass. She took his upper arm, guiding him back to the elevators. “The cafeteria is on the sixth floor. I have a sudden craving for a slice of mediocre chocolate cake.”

Kylo followed her quietly, slightly stunned, all the way through the cafeteria and to a small table in the very back corner of a nearly deserted dining room.

Phasma informed him her cake was just slightly above mediocre. She ate half the slice, relishing every bite, while he stared. Finally, she set down her fork, examining Kylo with a careful gaze. He raised his eyebrows at her and she gave him a pleasant smile.

“You’ve known about Snoke and Hux for about two weeks. And you haven’t done a thing about it.” She sighed. “I thought if Rey found out, that would propel you to action, but no.”

His jaw dropped. “You knew? _You_ left the envelopes?”

Her eyes narrowed playfully. “Do you think _anything_ happens in this company without my knowledge?”

He shrugged. “It’s just…that’s a lot to know. I had no idea.”

“You can’t win a game of chess without seeing the whole board.” She took another leisurely bite of her cake. “So what are you going to do, Kylo?”

He combed his hand through his hair. “I don’t know.” She raised an eyebrow and he sighed. “I’m going to blow the whistle, out Snoke and Hux. It’s a very, uh, recent decision.”

She twirled her fork. “Very noble of you. And very stupid.”

He scowled. “Well, what are _you_ going to do?”

She smiled, almost mischievously. “Why, we’re going to hold a press conference and announce it together. But not without maneuvering some pieces, first.”

He shook his head. “You act like this is all some kind of a game to you.”

She gave a short laugh. “Sometimes it feels that way. I wish it was just a game.” She leaned forward, all serious now. “But it’s not. Many careers are at stake. First Order employs thousands and thousands of people. Those people don’t deserve to lose their livelihoods because two idiot executives decided to be the next Gordon Geckos. I want to minimize the damage.”

Kylo leaned forward on his elbows. “Okay, then tell me how we’re supposed to get out of this without everything going to hell.”

“It starts with a call to a detective.” She grinned.

He looked skeptical. “Some kind of trap?”

Her eyes flashed. “A checkmate.” She took another bite of her cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I DISAPPEARED. For like, a really long time. I was focusing on my other fic for a while in bits and spurts in addition to just being busy and blah blah blah. But I'm back now! Expect regular-ish updates. There are only a few chapters left, my guess is like 3, maybe 4. I haven't totally decided.
> 
> Update: I had to make a tiny change to Phasma and Kylo's conversation because I was dumb and didn't do enough research ahead of time.


	16. Chapter 16

Rey groaned and stretched, bumping her hands against the green vinyl armrest of the couch she was asleep on. She looked around in blurry-eyed confusion and reality rushed back. Cory. The car. Falling asleep in the hospital room. She bolted upright, untangling herself from a blanket. Her eyes landed on Kylo, leaning his elbows on his knees in an oversized chair next to the couch.

“You’re still here.”

Two lines appeared on his forehead. “Of course I’m still here.”

“I thought Hux would have called you by now and dragged you back.”

“Oh he’s called.” Kylo looked at his phone. “27 times, in fact. I haven’t answered any of them.”

Rey noticed a tall vase of bright sunflowers on a ledge. “Oh, those are beautiful!”

“Those are for you. They’re from Phasma.”

Rey’s face scrunched up. “Phasma? Like from work?”

“Yeah,” Kylo chuckled. “She stopped by to talk. She – “

 “Kylo?” Rey interrupted. “Your dad told me.” She was suddenly intent on picking pills off the blanket.

Kylo tensed. “Told you what exactly?”

“About what happened. With the buy-out. With Millennium Falcon.”

“Oh,” Kylo said, biting his lip.

“Why didn’t you tell me what really happened?”

Kylo shrugged and peered at the floor. “I kind of tried. That day, the last time we talked in your apartment. But you were right, there was nothing I could have said that would have fixed it. Even if I had told you, how was that an excuse? I worked for First Order. No matter what way you cut it, I helped put my dad out of business.” His head hung. “I was too afraid of Snoke and what he might do. And then you just disappeared. The damage was done at that point, I just wanted everything from my old life behind me. I thought it was hopeless. That it was too late.”

“It’s not too late,” Rey whispered.

Kylo reached out a hand to her. “Come here.”

Rey crawled across the couch and into his lap. They both exhaled deeply as she relaxed against him and he wrapped his arms around her.

 “What are you going to do?”

He stared into her eyes, full of hesitant trust. “I don’t know. I know what I _should_ do, but I can’t promise that I won’t go down with them. It could get really ugly. Phasma thinks there could be a way to take them down without getting incriminated along with them. But it’s questionable. And really risky.”

Rey stroked his cheek and pushed back strands of his hair that fell onto his forehead. She swallowed. “I trust you.”

The words healed something inside him that he never thought would go away. He kissed her temple, not trusting his voice.

“Kylo? I never stopped wanting this - You here with me.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” he choked out. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” After a quiet minute, Rey let out a tiny gasp. “Someone should call your parents.”

Kylo chewed his lip.

“They should know right away.” Rey insisted. “No waiting.”

His fists tightened, and then released. “Okay, I’ll call them.”

Kylo didn’t get a chance. A nurse knocked on the door, poking her head in. “You’re Cory’s parents?”

They jumped to their feet, nodding.

The nurse gave them a small smile. “He’s out of surgery and in the post-op recovery room. Dr. Rema cleared you to see him, but just for a bit.”

They followed the nurse down several hallways. Rey clapped a hand to her mouth when she pushed past the curtain in the room. Kylo looped his arm around her, struggling to breathe.

Cory laid unconscious in a bed, skin matching the sheets underneath him. The dark red and purple of his puffy, swollen eyes stood out against his ashen skin. Tubes and needles stuck out from him like a bristling pincusion. Monitors beeped, chugged, and hummed. One arm drowned in a thick cast. A heavy bandage covered half his head. Rey could see the edge of a shaved patch of hair disappearing beneath. She reached for the one hand without needles, stroking the back and trying not to dislodge his finger-oximeter. An IV and a blood bag dripped slowly like a leaking facet.

Rey and Kylo leaned against each other, not sure who was supporting who. There was another knock on the door and Dr. Rema stepped inside accompanied by another woman. Rey tried not to brace herself for the worst.

“This is the surgeon, Dr. Amy Stratson,” Rema introduced. The red-haired woman reached out to shake their hands with a thin smile. “The surgery went very well. We stopped the internal bleeding and his brain swelling isn’t getting any worse. Unfortunately, it’s not getting better either. The brain injuries are the biggest concern right now. He’s suffered a very traumatic brain injury. We call it TBI.”

Rey’s focus moved to the doctor’s emphatic hand gestures as she spoke and illustrated Cory’s injuries. The room grew hazier with every word.

“The accident caused his brain to jostle back and forth inside his skull. The movement causes bleeding, bruising, and sometimes nerve fibers tear. He also has some small hairline fractures. Everything that happened at the moment of the accident is called the primary injury. It sounds bad, but it’s the secondary injury that we’re dealing with right now. Our body responds to trauma and infection by causing swelling. When it happens in the brain, it’s known as elevated intracranial pressure, or a cerebral edema. The swelling can cut off blood flow and deprive the tissues of oxygen. This can all lead to brain cell death, which causes long-term damage. But we can’t assess the extent of the damage until the swelling goes down.”

Kylo glanced at Rey’s paling skin and pursed his lips, staring hard at Dr. Stratson, whose face softened.

“I know this all sounds terrifying. But Cory is an excellent candidate to a make a full recovery. Children have more neurons than adults do. Not as much as a two or three year-old, but still significantly more than we do. It makes them resilient to brain trauma.”

Rey locked onto these words, unable to think about any other possibility. She sat down in a chair, staring at Cory’s bruised face while Kylo peppered the doctor with questions about the surgery and location of his internal injuries. Dr. Stratson patiently answered his questions, putting x-rays of Cory’s fractured arm and other charts on the back-lit panel on a wall. Eventually she had to cut him off. “I have another surgery shortly, I’m sorry but I have to leave.”

Kylo took a deep breath. “Is there anything we can do?”

She shook her head with an apologetic smile. “Wait, pray. We’ll do diagnostic checks periodically, including brain scans. The neurologist on his case will be by after the post-op recovery period to introduce himself. He’ll have a lot more information about his condition. I can at least promise regular updates. After we move him into a different room in a few hours, you can stay with him as long as you want.” She briefly rested a hand on Rey’s shoulder. “Waiting is the hardest part.”

They sat in silence with Cory as long as the nurse let them and then shuffled back to the family waiting room.

“Let’s call Leia,” she hoarsely told Kylo. Han and Leia were there soon and Leia enveloped Rey in a hug only mothers can give.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. They moved Cory to a private ICU room, the small space tight with family and distress. Their neurologist, Dr. Lotsen came by to introduce himself and explain more about the location and extent of Cory’s brain injuries. Rey stared numbly at the various scans and charts he held up, trying to wade through the medical jargon. Everyone looked exhausted and a little confused when he left. Their main take-away was that they had to wait; each day would bring more answers.

Leia, ever the practical one, took Rey’s keys and came back from her house with a bag of toiletries and changes of clothes. Kylo fished his toothbrush out of the bag, holding it up to Rey for explanation.

She smiled ruefully at him. “I left it on the shelf. Couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. I left all your things.”      

His eyes softened as he held her gaze. Her face showed the truth – she’d never given up on them.

Time passed in a gray, dreamy tension, night bleeding into mornings. They measured time in nurse visits and shift changes. Dr. Lotsen appeared the next day, happy to tell them Cory was being transferred out of the ICU into a “step-down unit.”

“It’s a good thing,” he told them. “It means improvement.” The room was bigger, with less tubes and machines, which Rey found reassuring.

Soon the room drowned in flowers and cards from friends and colleagues, propped up and jammed on any open surface. Myler balloons featuring grinning cartoon animals and oversized bubble letters hovered above. The floor cluttered with overnight duffels, sweaters, pillows, “thanks for shopping with us” plastic bags filled with crackers and peanut butter and speckled bananas. Kylo fell asleep crammed into a narrow recliner, holding Cory’s hand. Rey watched from a cot in one corner, eyes filling with tears. But it wasn’t sadness that caused them.

After two days, Dr. Lotsen announced Cory’s brain scans looked promising and they were going to try to wake him up by easing off on the drug cocktail they used to keep him unconscious. Nurses bustled around the room with expert focus, adjusting machine settings and replacing IV drips.

At first they sat on the edge of their chairs, leaning forward, alert and ready for Cory to resurface. One by one they slumped back as hours passed and the sun disappeared. Rey woke at sunrise when sliver of blinding light cut through a narrow gap in the window shade.

She was the first to notice Cory. She gasped and jumped to her feet, tapping on Kylo’s leg, too excited for words. Everyone snapped out of their sleepy vigil and leaned over the bed. Cory blinked, eyelids puffy and sluggish as his gazed wandered the room, unfocused, before he latched onto the faces above him. Han punched the call button for the nurse desk over and over until a nurse appeared, ready with exasperated words for him, until she saw Cory.

“I’ll page the doctor,” she told them with a beaming smile. “I think he just got here.”

“Well, well, well,” Dr. Lotsen cheered when he saw them gathered around Cory’s bed. They reshuffled to let him into the huddle. He flicked a penlight at Cory’s pupils and asked him a few questions. He clicked his pen off and leaned back with a satisfied hum. “He looks great. Excellent pupil response and cognitive function. We’ll do more scans later but I think he’s going to be just fine.”

Kylo’s arm tightened around Rey and she buried her face in his shirt, fighting back tears.

“He’ll be in and out of it for a while. We’ll continue to ease up on the drugs over the next 24 hours. Depending on his scans, he could be here up to another week.”

Cory came to in snatches of minutes, each time longer and more focused. The next afternoon he wiggled in the bed, eyes completely open.

“Can I have pancakes?” He croaked at Kylo. Rey tittered with a relieved exhale.

Kylo gently ruffled his hair around the bandages criss-crossing his head. “Sure, but don’t get your hopes up, hospital pancakes will not taste like the Pancake House.” Cory didn’t seem to mind, fascinated that the hospital had a menu he could order off of day or night.

Star Wars movies played on a constant rotation. They kept the sound low and he mouthed the dialogue when he couldn’t hear it. The room grew even more crowded as friends visited. Puzzles and coloring books built in small towers against the walls.

Kylo furtively started a puzzle when no one was around, consulting Cory as he went. He seemed more pleased than anyone else when they finished it.

Two days later, Phasma appeared at the door, unannounced. Dressed in a spotless, crisp white blouse tucked into a navy pencil skirt, she was a harsh juxtaposition to the haphazard and rumpled dress of everyone else in the room. A middle aged man with salt and pepper hair in a charcoal suit trailed behind her, hovering in the doorway.

Cory’s face lit up. “Phasma!”

“You’re looking quite well, considering you were squished by a car,” she greeted him with a wry smile.

“I wasn’t that squished,” he informed her.

She handed him a small box, the thick wrapping paper patterned with metallic TIE fighters, every crease sharp and aligned. He opened it carefully, picking at the paper corner by corner.

He pulled three items out of the box – they looked like movie tickets to Rey. Cory read them to himself and then his jaw dropped and he waved the tickets around, bouncing in his bed. Alarmed beeps blared from a monitor.

“Movie! Passes, Stars Wars, the stuff, making it– I get to see Star Wars! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!”

Kylo’s forehead creased and he looked at Phasma.

“Passes for the filming sets of the next film. I’ve been told they’re using nearly 11 locations, and you can pick any one of them.”

Rey’s jaw dropped too and then she grinned at Cory. Kylo’s eyebrows were still making a dash for his hairline. “How did you manage that?”

One corner of Phasma’s mouth turned up and she gave a little shrug. “I know people.”

“You are one of the scariest people I’ve ever met,” Kylo muttered, half to himself.

She tapped him on the shoulder and tilted her head towards the door. “My lawyer is here and I have another craving for cafeteria-quality cake. Maybe cheesecake this time.” Her words trailed off as she breezed out the door.

Phasma’s lawyer had retreated to the hallway. He offered his hand to Kylo as they started towards the elevators. “Taylor Harris. It’s great to finally meet you, Mr. Ren.”

Kylo gave him a firm handshake. “Kylo. Nice to meet you as well.”

Phasma wasted no time once they settled at a table. “Taylor has papers for you. We can go over them right now and I’d love if you could sign them today, but I understand if you need time.”

Taylor slid a slim leather portfolio across the table. “Agreements to a book deal, acknowledgment that you’ve discussed this with legal counsel with recommendations for a press conference to break the news.”

Kylo stared at the portfolio like it held the secrets of his death. “What order does this all happen in?”

“We're going to review the evidence, then a press conference, confess to the police chief, and then go from there. Rey too. And the ghostwriter for this book needs to get interviews with you and Rey as soon as possible.”

Kylo recoiled. “No, Rey can’t be involved in this. My family is off-limits.”

Phasma grimaced. “It’s too late. She’s already involved. There’s a chance she could be charged as an accessory after the fact.”

His lips twisted and he covered his face. “This is exactly what she told me would happen.”

Phasma slapped on hand on the table. “Get it together Kylo. The more honest we are, the greater the chances a grand jury won't file charges against her, even you. But we have to do everything we can to make that happen.”

He met her steely gaze. “You’re right. I know.”

Taylor cleared his throat. “I would be very surprised if Rey came out of this with any kind of punishment at all. The more we cast you as sympathetic figures before this goes completely viral, the better. The media are going to go crazy with this. White collar criminals are particularly hated, but I don’t think that’s how they’ll see you. It’s a perfect storm of drama and secrets and romance. A millionaire hotshot executive, brainwashed by his evil corporation, is separated from his free-spirited true love when he’s forced to choose between her and his life’s work. When he’s finally reunited with her and his long-lost son, he’s betrayed by his own company. But you risk everything to tell the truth and throw it all away to be with them. Hopefully Hux, Snoke, and everyone involved will get some solid jail time and the ‘baddies’ will be vanquished. It’s like the perfect plot for a fucking Lifetime movie.”

Kylo scowled. “That’s not exactly how it went.”

Phasma gave a dismissive wave. “That’s how it went now.”

He exhaled hard. “Okay, let’s do this.”

She nodded, satisfied. “I’m going to get Rey.”

He flipped open the portfolio and began to read.

* * *

 

Kylo gripped the edges of the crystalline glass podium in front of him, his notes blurring in his vision. He couldn’t believe how quickly everything happened. He was still reeling from Phasma’s endless parade of legal documentation and the exhausting sessions with their ghostwriter. Rey had quietly accepted the situation, agreeing to cooperate and do whatever she could. His entire body felt like a wrung out rag.

He looked out at the room. A mass of reporters and company representatives stared back, expressions dark and predatory. The recent absence of the First Order COO was conspicuous. Phasma worked tirelessly to snuff out the spread of gossip, but rumors still grew, and the media was hungry for news. A big one was going to fall, they could just feel it in the air.

He glanced over at Phasma, standing at the edge of the platform. She nodded. It was time.

He’d gone over this speech so many times to avoid looking at his notes too much. Eye contact made it more personal, Phasma had told him. He forced strength into his body as he stared down the audience and took a deep breath. The entire audience leaned forward.

“It has come to my attention that the CEO and CFO, Lucius Craven Snoke and Armitage Hux, have engaged in insider trading, blackmail, tax evasion, and embezzlement over the last five years. I was completely unaware of their activities until it was anonymously brought to my attention, who I later learned was one of our vice presidents, Elanor Phasma. She’ll give a statement as well.”

 _Pause, deep breath, look distraught._ “When I first found out, I thought I was the only one who knew and I had one of the hardest decisions before me. I feared for the livelihoods of all the innocent employees who could lose their jobs. I feared for the destabilizing impact this could have on the industry. I feared for those in my life who would come under harsh scrutiny from the public. And yes, I feared for myself as well. Not for my reputation or wealth, but for the potential to lose what I hold most dear: my partner and my son.”

He paused again, surveying the room. Whispers circulated among the reporters as they shared their disbelief. Every predatory face had turned to incredulity. No one had heard an executive tied up in illegal affairs so blatantly and openly admit his involvement, or gone so far as to share his own personal struggles.

“Still agonized over this decision, I attended the last meeting formalizing negotiations for a merger between First Order and Imperial Technologies. During the meeting, I learned my son had been struck and gravely injured by a distracted driver while he was playing on the sidewalk. At this point, I stopped caring about First Order as my son’s life hung in the balance. Thanks to the tireless efforts of the medical staff of New Hope hospital, he’s making a strong recovery. Now, I cannot ignore the transgressions of First Order. How could I look my son in the eyes, knowing what I was complicit in? I have to be the man my family thinks I am.

My heart is broken. I have given my life to First Order. I have made sacrifices –“ Kylo cut off, his chest hitching as his throat unexpectedly tightened. His head drooped and he squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to continue. When he opened them, he met a sea of pale faces, wide eyes, and dropped jaws.

“…Sacrifices that I’m not proud of, because I believed in this company. Snoke and Hux have betrayed all of us and I will not stand aside and protect them, even if that means I fall too. I will now proceed to the Minneapolis Police Department and admit everything I know to the Chief of Police. I will not take comments or questions at this time. Thank you.”

He exhaled hard and stepped off the dais, shutting out the immediate roar of every person in the room jumping to their feet and shouting questions. His legs were like jelly as he strode towards Phasma. She gripped his forearm for a moment as they passed each other. “That was superb. I think I even saw a few teary eyes.”

He couldn’t bring himself to care, completely drained. He gave her a tight-lipped smile. He just wanted to get out of here and get the affairs at the police department over with. Taylor was certain he would be let out on bail. The sooner he could return to Rey and Cory, the sooner he could ignore the crushing possibility of everything he loved crumbling down around him.

Security held back the press of people who followed him outside, shouting questions and flashing pictures. He ducked into his car and slumped against the leather seats. Rodger eyed him in the rear-view mirror. “You’re a good man, Mr. Ren.”

Kylo raised one eyebrow.

Rodger held up his iPhone. “Facebook Live. Excellent stuff. Gotta send this to the other fellows.”

Kylo couldn’t hold back a smile as he watched his aged driver tap the touchscreen with confidence. “Rodger, time for a friendly visit with the Police Chief. Take me away.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm done promising regular updates because I've got no damn clue when it will happen. And as usual, I'm sorry for disappearing for months. But here is a chapter for you guys! I've got one, maybe two left after this.
> 
> Update: Cumbercatlady I accidentally deleted your comment because im clumsy and my phone lags. :( :(
> 
> Update 2: I had to make a tiny change to Phasma, Taylor, and Kylo's conversation because I was dumb and didn't do enough research ahead of time.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO LOVELIES, I'M BACK.

Kylo rubbed bleary eyes. He’d been giving a statement to a detective for what felt like hours and they’d finally finished. His stomach growled in protest of the lunch _and_ dinner he’d missed. Taylor Harris gave him a sidelong glance and patted his stomach. “Me too.”

“What happens now?”

“The prosecution will gather evidence and a grand jury will decide whether or not to bring charges against you.”

“Who is the prosecution in this case?”

Taylor squinted. “You know, I can’t say at the moment but I would bet money on the SEC, after that call Phasma made.” He chuckled darkly and then furtively glanced around the room. They weren’t supposed to know about the call Phasma made. It was the one lie in all of this. “This whole thing is backwards,” Taylor continued. “Usually they would launch a probe and _then_ take it to a grand jury before anyone cooperated, let alone confessed, and _then_ have someone arrested. Can’t wait to see how this plays out. It might go normally. We don’t know.” He seemed almost gleeful before he caught Kylo’s glower and wilted. “Sorry. I know, this is your life. Still, I hope you know how unprecedented this is.”

Kylo let out a long sigh. “I’m beginning to grasp that. So what happens after charges are filed? I’m led away in handcuffs?”

Taylor almost snorted. “Doubtful. You’re cooperating. Assuming they file charges, you’ll have an arraignment to enter your plea of guilty or not guilty and then they’ll set a trial date. But before most of that you’ll meet with your lawyer.”

Kylo’s brows furrowed. “Aren’t you my lawyer?”

“Not once the charges are filed. Another lawyer at my firm, Stanley Man, will probably take your case. I already discussed it with him.”

Kylo shook his head. “I don’t understand. Why the switch?”

Taylor squinted again, his foot jittering against his chair leg. “Olivier Masson is a bit of uhh, a maverick.” One corner of his mouth turned up. “He’s represented all sorts of trials throughout his career, a few white-collar cases, environmental ‘terrorism,’ violent crimes. All very unusual. But he only takes the cases of people he believes are truly innocent – people who are framed, coerced, wrongly accused, or otherwise undeserving of punishment.”

Taylor saw understanding click in Kylo’s eyes. “You don’t want me represented by someone known for defending white-collar criminals.”

“Exactly. If we give you a scary corporate lawyer, it will just look worse. Olivier has a reputation. He has integrity.” Taylor full out grinned. “Well, as much as a lawyer can have.”

Kylo snorted and then his expression turned serious. “And how would it look if I got married in the middle of all of this?”

Taylor’s foot stopped for several beats. “Well, don’t honeymoon out of state, that’s for sure.” The tapping resumed and he gave Kylo a lazy smile before his eyes narrowed. “Sign a prenup.”

Kylo sighed and pursed his lips. “I don’t know why I asked that, she and I haven’t ever discussed it.”

Taylor answered with a squeaky scoff. “How’s the kid?”

Kylo scratched at the stainless steel tabletop in front of them. “Out of the hospital, as of Friday. They kept him longer than they expected and I wanted him there a couple more days but he wanted to go home. And since I’m his dad….well we went home.”

Taylor chuckled while Kylo turned that phrase over in his mouth. _I’m his dad._ It slipped out so naturally, like he’d been saying it for years. _I’m his dad._ And now he might be the dad in jail. Kids wouldn’t even have to ask Cory where his dad was – the whispers and glares and dinner gossip of their parents would be all they needed to know.

Taylor broke through his thoughts.  “Chin up, Mr. Ren. I have a good feeling about this.”

Kylo looked at him sideways. “Do you tell that to all your clients facing multiple felonies?”

Taylor chuckled again. “Nope, just the ones who will get out unscathed. Even if _everything_ went south, you’d spend less than 10 years in prison, tops. Probably less than five. But that’s worst case scenario.”

Kylo’s mouth twisted. “Five years. I’ve already missed the first five years of my son’s life. I can’t miss the next five too.”

“Like I said, worst case scenario.”

The door opened and the detective entered, putting an end to their conversation. “Mr. Ren? You can leave now. We just have some forms to fill out.”

Kylo just nodded and the detective jerked her head towards the front of the station. Come with me, your wife is already out there, she’s been waiting for a while.”

Kylo didn’t correct her, already frowning at the thought of Rey waiting around at the station for hours. It was late, she should be home with Cory.

The detective hurried him to a counter and set several papers in front of him. Taylor guided him through the paperwork while Kylo cast looks over his shoulder, trying to find Rey. The lawyer prodded his shoulder to bring Kylo’s attention back. He sighed, focusing in on the information in front of him. He’d see Rey soon enough.

* * *

 

Rey’s phone had died over an hour ago and she didn’t have her charger with her. Even though she had only been interviewed and wasn’t truly in suspicion, she felt like asking someone at the station for a charger seemed wrong. So instead she sat, waiting for Kylo, with nothing to keep her mind off Cory at home. She knew he was safe with Han and Leia, and probably Poe and Finn, who had cut their trip in Maine to see Finn’s family short and returned early after Cory’s accident. But that didn’t stop her from worrying. She had never understood why parents worried so much before Cory. Why Obi Wan or Satine were always yelling at her to _stop crawling onto that branch, it’s dead and weak!_ or _don’t play at that corner, there’s no stop signs_ or any of the other endless admonishments she’d heard growing up. Now she understood. She understood that they shouted and wrung their hands and watched her through the windows and from front steps and followed her around playgrounds because they were living with a piece of their heart outside their chest and there was nothing they could do to stop the dangers of the world from flying at it, full speed.

She pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes to stop the tears. She just wanted to go home and fall asleep squished between her boys. A hand settled on her head. Kylo stood in front of her, looking as exhausted as she felt. She leapt into his arms, clinging to his shoulders. “Let’s go home,” he murmured in her ear.

“Yes please,” she sighed.

Taylor appeared at the couple’s side. “Your car is outside and some cops will walk you guys out.”

Rey stared blankly at the older man, unsure of the need for escorts. Taylor raised his eyebrows. “Oooh boy,” he said softly. “Keep your heads down, look at the ground, and don’t say a single thing.”

Kylo slipped his arm around Rey’s waist. “It’s going to be a shit show out there.”

Even with Taylor in front of them, a cop on either side and one behind, Rey and Kylo were flooded in the light of dozens of cameras going off as reporters attempted to offset the descending twilight.

Shouts and questions came from every side. Kylo wasn’t too off-put, it wasn’t that different than being hustled off the stage that morning during his press announcement. But he could tell from the way that Rey cringed against him that she was not ready. She made the mistake of looking up once and locked gazes briefly with a reporter, a young man with narrowed green eyes that brimmed with disgust. She was used to crowds, but they had always been friendly, full of fans. It had never been like this – a shameful dash to a car, trying to tune out the hurtful comments and questions flung at them. She squeezed her eyes shut, trusting Kylo to guide her. He nearly lifted her into the backseat, pulling her so close she was almost in his lap. She opened her eyes after the doors shut to see Rodger watching her from the rearview mirror, his eyes crinkled, but not with the smile she was used to.

* * *

 

Leia greeted them at the door, a thousand questions in her eyes, until she saw their tired faces and settled for hugs instead.

Han waved from where he lounged on the sofa, watching soccer on a screen Rey was positive he brought over, seeing as she didn’t have a TV. Before she could ask where Cory was, they heard his giggles drift out of her bedroom, followed by Poe’s uproarious laughing and Finn’s unintelligible protests.

“The whole gang is here,” remarked Kylo with a trace of irritation.

Rey rested a hand on his. “We can kick them out, they’ll understand.”

He took a deep breath and blew it out. “No, let’s say hi, be civil, all that.” She strained on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek, not missing Leia’s satisfied smile out of the corner of her eye.

Cory’s face lit up when he saw his parents and Poe and Finn greeted them with a round of cheerful hellos. They were cuddled under her heavy down comforter, despite the summer warmth, while a couple of the kittens milled about. Olive materialized out of nowhere when she heard the noise, beelining for Kylo’s legs and crying at him until he picked her up. Rey climbed into the bed, crawling over Poe to wedge herself next to Cory, being careful not to jostle him while planting kisses all over his face and hair. He wriggled away and waved his un-casted arm in her face. “Augh, gross, Mom! I saw you this morning.”

“Exactly,” Rey smiled. “Far too long. Practically an eternity.” Cory screwed up his face as she kissed his nose, skirting the bruises around his forehead, but he let her wrap her arms around him without protest.

“How do you feel?”

Cory pouted. “Squished. My head hurts real bad.”

Rey turned to Leia, who had followed them into the room. “When did he get his last meds? Did the nurse leave already?”

Leia rattled off stats like a nurse herself. Kylo had arranged for a nearly 24-hour in-home care for Cory. It was how they convinced the doctor to discharge him. The doctor had been worried about Cory’s coordination and cognitive functions. He seemed chatty enough, sitting in bed, but as soon as they began assessment tests on him, the extent of his injuries became more clear. He didn’t remember the day of the accident at all or much of the day after waking up. He would forget some conversations within minutes or hours. Time seemed to move unusually and he had problems focusing. His ribs were healing well, along with his internally injuries. But he wasn’t walking well. His arms were fine, minus the radius and ulna broken in three places, but his legs refused to respond correctly, much to Cory’s repeated frustration as he constantly rediscovered the problems. His memory was improving with each day, but his coordination stayed stubbornly in place. The doctor assured her that Cory should improve with physical therapy but it didn’t stop her anxiety every time she saw the small wheelchair in one corner of the room. At least his black eyes had finally faded from alarming deep purple to sickly yellow smudges.

“Heeelloooo, Mom?”

Rey shook herself and returned her attention to Cory with a thin smile, gingerly brushing a wavy lock of hair away from his face. Kylo sat next to Finn on the other side of the bed with one long leg hanging off the edge, cuddling the Olive. Han wandered in and leaned against the doorframe. Rey surveyed her family and promptly burst into tears.

“Mom?” Now Cory looked concerned. She wiped them away with a watery grin. “I’m just happy to see everyone.”

“You’re such a weirdo.”

Rey laughed and sniffled back more tears. “We had a long day.”

Finn and Poe exchanged looks. “It’s really getting late,” Finn noted.

“Yeah we should head home,” Poe agreed. Leia and Han added similar remarks about the time and leaving. In true Minnesota fashion, nearly an hour passed as they said slow goodbyes, the group inching their way towards the front door. Kylo hung back, waving to them and stretching out to read Cory a bedtime story.

Leia lingered in the doorway as the group moved away, catching Kylo’s eye and nodding her head for him to follow her.

“Be right back kid,” he assured Cory before following his mother. She checked down the hall before ducking into Cory’s room. “Mom?” He flipped the closest lamp on and the soft yellow glow flashed off something in Leia’s hand.

She held up a ring. A large diamond sparkled in the light, the glittering cut a quintessential, classic shape. It was set on a slim, silver platinum band, with two smaller, rectangular diamonds on either side. “It was your grandmother’s,” she said in a hushed voice as she held it out to him.

His large hands dwarfed the delicate ring. His mind immediately jumped to the image of the elegant piece on Rey’s left hand, the band was already small enough that he doubted it would need sizing. But he shook his head at Leia. “Getting married in the middle of a trial is risky, Mom. It could look like I’m just trying to protect my assets or it could get Rey caught up in more legal troubles if everything goes badly.”

She huffed and put her hands on her hips. “Fuck risky.”

He gaped, trying to remember the last time he heard his mom swear.

“Do what you want, Ben,” she urged him as she leaned in. “Don’t let Snoke and Hux keep you from happiness any more than they already have.”

He cleared his throat and blinked away the sudden moisture in his eyes. “I’ll think about it,” he told her in an unconvincing tone. He pocketed the ring and his face softened. “Thanks, Mom. Really. It means a lot.”

She caught him in a hug, somehow managing to envelop him despite her height. He returned it, breathing in her familiar scent, feeling like a kid again. Safe, like everything would be alright.

* * *

 

Kylo beat the sunrise to work in an attempt to avoid contact with his employees for as long as possible. Leia had volunteered to watch Cory during the day, indefinitely, even with a nurse around. Even if he wasn’t bedridden, Kylo would have wanted to delay Cory’s exposure to the fresh hell of the public eye for as long as possible.

He didn’t realize his office doors were ajar until he heard Mitaka’s soft steps and rustling as he settled into his desk around 7:30. His assistant hesitantly knocked before peeking around the door.

“Come in, Mitaka.”

His usual pale skin was somehow even paler than normal and he wrung his hands while Kylo waited for him to say something. “Can I do anything, sir? To help. I mean normal stuff! Not help with the other thing…”

A reassuring smile touched Kylo’s lips for a second. “Just treat it like any other day.”

Mitaka didn’t look convinced but he nodded and turned to go. He paused with one foot out the doorway before turning back. “What’s going to happen?” His question was so soft Kylo barely heard it.

“I don’t know,” he admitted to the younger man. “But no matter what happens to me or this company, I will make sure you find an employer worthy of your skills.”

Mitaka gulped and nodded once, unsure what to say. It was the first time he’d heard anything akin to praise come out of his boss’s mouth. Thank you seemed inadequate. His deliberation was interrupted by the ring of Kylo’s desk phone. They exchanged glances and Kylo nodded his silent thanks before Mitaka scurried out of the room. Very few calls went straight to his office phone. They both knew what this meant.

“Kylo Ren.”

“Kylo, I’m on my way to speak to you right now. Are you busy?”

He immediately recognized the voice of Nikita Grey, one of the board members. “For you, I’m not busy. I’ll stay put until you get here.”

“Good,” she snapped. The line disconnected.

‘On her way’ meant five minutes away. She marched through the doors one second after Mitaka opened the intercom to let him know she arrived. She firmly closed his doors behind her and plopped in a chair before Kylo could get up from his desk. He resisted the urge to fiddle with his pen as she leaned forward and stared at him for a long minute, her arms resting on her crossed legs.

“I won’t waste time with questions like ‘why didn’t you tell the board first’ or ‘what were you thinking.’ What’s done is done.” In one fluid motion she uncrossed her legs and leaned back in the large chair, pausing again to study him.

“The board called an emergency meeting yesterday, after your announcement. Snoke and Hux are fired.”

A bit of vengeful satisfaction pinged through him but he kept his features neutral. “When are you telling them?

“One this afternoon, we told them both not to come in before then. They know what’s happening.”

He smirked. “Wish I could be there for that. What about Phasma and I?”

Nikita narrowed her dark brown eyes. “I expect the SEC to announce the probe into First Order today or tomorrow. Then we wait for their findings. I hope you will make the appropriate decisions.” Her comment thinly veiled its true meaning: Kylo had to know when to resign when the time came.

“And in the meantime?”

She bit her lip. “Damage control. Hunt down any evidence and get it presentable. I want to be prepared for this investigation. You’ll see a lot of meetings with legal come through in the next few days.”

He turned his heavy silver pen over in his hands and nodded slowly. “I want to do everything I can to preserve First Order while I’m still here.”

She sighed as she got to her feet. She tugged on her perfectly straight blazer and then met his eyes. Her voice softened a fraction. “I know you do Kylo.” She strode to the door and gave him a final look, somewhere between empathy and anger, and almost apologetic. “I know you do.”

 

* * *

Kylo shuffled out of his fourth meeting of the day, hungry, angry, and exhausted. Each one had dragged on for hours. As promised, within an hour of Nitika’s visit, dozens of meeting invites had popped up in his inbox, filling his calendar for the rest of the week.

He found a cup of coffee on his desk when he got back to his office, the light nutty scent and steam still peeling off the surface told him it was freshly brewed. He really was going to miss Mitaka.

Phasma opened his office door without knocking, as usual, unannounced. He still didn’t know how she did it. Mitaka said it was like she knew when he wouldn’t be at his desk. He glanced at the security camera over the corner of Mitaka’s desk, briefly visible before Phasma closed the door. He shook his head. There was no way…

“Snoke and Hux are meeting with the board right now in the usual conference room. We should go get lunch before the cafeteria closes.”

His mood brightened considerably. “Perfect, I have 20 minutes before my next meeting. And if we happen to walk right past the conference room, it’s purely coincidence.”

She smirked at him as he hopped up from his desk. They strolled past the row of giant conference rooms, slowing as they passed the main one. As Kylo expected, the glass walls were opaque instead of clear right now, but that didn’t stop him from straining his ears. That room wasn’t well soundproofed.

A crash and muffled shout came from the room and everyone in the hallway froze, staring at the wall. A large object smashed against the glass, form obscured. Phasma was already yanking open one large door and Kylo hurried to peer around her shoulder.

Hux, red-faced and nearly foaming at the mouth, was surrounded at the far end of the conference table by a few dismayed board members, including Nikita, their arms outstretched to ward him off. The rest looked on in petrified silence. Snoke stood in a corner with his arms crossed, face dark and glowering.

Nikita saw them and shouted over the sound of Hux kicking a nearby chair. “Call security!”

Kylo stepped out of the hall to see the two security guards who sat at the main-door desk already running down the hallway, radios in hand. Their well-shined shoes and respectable suits belied their position. They deftly wove around the board members and grabbed Hux, twisting his arms behind his back as they shoved him down on the table. Kylo heard the click of handcuffs and then they were hauling Hux to his feet. Hux kicked out, trying to hit the shins of the guards but they twisted harder on his arms and he grimaced in pain, stumbling along as they hurried him out of the room. Another two guards showed up and surrounded Snoke.

“Do not touch me!” He roared at them, yanking one arm away. “I’ll walk out with my dignity, thank you.”

They followed him, faces wary, but didn’t intervene.

Kylo tried not to grin as Hux was marched past him, snarling and spittle-mouthed. But when Snoke stepped out, he grabbed his forearm.

“I just want to know why,” Kylo growled. “We were doing fine, better than fine! We didn’t need to hide debt or deceive our investors. So _why_?”

Snoke’s infuriated mask slipped and his fear leaked out. His jaw worked as he tried to think of a response. But Kylo saw the truth in his eyes. Past the fear, past the anger, was pure, cold hunger. The heart of Snoke was greed and Kylo wanted to kill him for it.

Phasma recognized the look on Kylo’s face and laid a warning hand on his shoulder, tugging him back.

Snoke sneered at him. “You’ll be next, Kylo. You won’t get out of this unscathed. Not you, not your pretty little girlfriend, and not your bastard son.”

Kylo snapped, lunging for Snoke between the guards, and his fist connected with his jaw, sending the older man flying to the floor. Phasma grabbed his shoulder to keep him from another swing. One of the guards turned in shock, reaching for Kylo who jumped back and threw his hands in the air, shaking off Phasma in the process. “I’m fine! I’m done! Get him out of here.”

The two guards helped Snoke to his feet. His quickly swelling jaw hung at a funny angle, blood oozing out of the split skin.

“You really got him,” Phasma murmured, eyeing Kylo’s shaking frame. He wiped a thin layer of sweat off his forehead and rolled his shoulders, trying to clear the hot prickling at his neck. The other board members were staring in shock, but Nikita looked like she was trying not to smile.

“I can’t lie, that was quite satisfying,” Nikita told him. The rest of the room tittered nervously but the tense atmosphere came down a notch.

As Kylo calmed, he realized his right hand was throbbing. He looked down to see his pinkie joint above the knuckle at a clearly incorrect angle, the finger pointing crookedly in the wrong direction. “Well, shit.”

Phasma sighed. “Let’s get you to a doctor.”

“Rey’s going to kill me,” he muttered to himself.

* * *

 

“Rey.”

Her manager’s voice startled her out of her work. She’d been diligently pouring over project reports all morning, ignoring the passing stares and whispers hidden behind hands.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” The woman’s words were clipped and low, uncharacteristic of her usual cheery demeanor.

Rey’s stomach sank as she followed her manager into a tiny office.

“Cass,” Rey preempted, “I know what this is about.”

Cassidy didn’t avoid her gaze. “We’ve already received several unhappy calls from our donors over this…situation.”

Rey paled. “Are you going to lose funding?”

The other woman sighed and slumped back in her worn chair. “I hope not.” She swallowed. “It looks bad Rey. We had no inkling any of this was going on with First Order and on top of that, the COO’s partner _works_ for us? We can’t take that heat. No watchdog organization like us is ever far from hitting the red. We just can’t afford to lose any funding.”

Rey’s throat pricked but she pushed past it. “Consider this my resignation, then.”

Cass leaned forward. “I’m sorry, Rey.” She offered a thin smile. “You were one of the good ones.”

Rey collected her few items from her small cubicle, thoughts in a snarl. She’d returned to work because she needed the income. She had to think of Cory. Kylo was covering the staggering costs of his hospital bills and the in-home care, but what about if he couldn’t anymore? Kylo’s wealth wouldn’t help them, especially if he got convicted. She hated even thinking the word, but she had to be practical. The Resistance wasn’t a source of income anymore, not without consistent touring and putting out new albums. The band and her had decided they were unofficially on hiatus. And Cory faced a long recovery. The neurologist told them that the effects of brain injuries could show up slowly, over weeks and months. His behavior could get erratic, he might have memory or learning problems again, and what if his legs never really recovered? He had months of physical therapy ahead of him, tests to monitor his progress and assess his cognitive functions, and even more therapy if they found new problems. She had seen her share of friends go broke from health care costs. But as a musician she didn’t have a lot of other applicable skills. It all looked bleak.

She hurried out of the office, skirting around coworkers. She didn’t want to say goodbye, she just wanted to get out.

* * *

 

 When Kylo arrived home late that evening with his hand in a cast, Rey just stared at him and then sighed.

"I punched Snoke," he offered by way of explanation.

A small smile drifted over her face. "I feel obligated to be mad, but I just can't right now."

He hugged and kissed her. "How was your first day back?"

"I got fired."

Kylo chuckled and then slowly started laughing while Rey looked on in consternation. "We're a mess."

She snorted but returned his smile, eventually letting out a few giggles. "Truly ridiculous."

He pulled in her for another kiss. "I'm starving," he mumbled against her hair. "Where's Cory?"

"Asleep," she answered.

"NO I'M NOT," he hollered from her room.

Kylo sighed. "This house is too small. How about we order pizza?"

"PIZZA LUCE," Cory shouted again.

Rey laughed. "I'll call them."

* * *

 

Kylo woke in the middle of the night to find Rey’s side of the bed empty. He slipped out, careful not to disturb Cory, and found her huddled in the corner of the couch, legs to her chest, in the dark. A full moon spilled silver light on one side of her face, illuminating a few tear streaks painting her cheek. Her head whipped when the floor creaked as Kylo crossed the room to her, scooping her into his arms without a word.

She sniffled against his neck and he waited for her to talk.

“What am I going to do without a job?”

Kylo swallowed, thinking of the ring sitting on his dresser in his apartment. It could fix so much. It could hurt so much. And what if she said no anyway? He could at least bring it up, test the waters. His heart began to pound. He opened his mouth, ready to ask. “Rey –“

“The book will be coming out pretty soon. The publishers think it will do really well. I know that will help…sorry I interrupted you.”

He cleared his throat. “I was just going to say that it will be okay, we’ll figure something out. I promise.”

She sighed. “We both know that might not be true,” she whispered. Kylo couldn’t disagree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this chapter. I'm sorry it took so long. I had major, major writers block in terms of plot. Your sweet comments mean SO much, they keep me going when I get frustrated with myself. Seriously, I love them. Each and everyone one of you make my day. It still blows my mind that people read this even when I disappear for MONTHS at a time. I don't deserve you guys. I'm really excited for the next couple chapters. Like so much. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> *SEC stands for U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. They are usually the main organization to investigate corporate crime.


	18. Chapter 18

“Please please please please please!”

Kylo sighed down at his begging son, who he was positive had asked him, unnecessarily, to wheel him 50 feet into the kitchen in his wheelcheel just to enhance his pitiful appearance. He’d accepted a green smoothie and scrambled eggs without complaint instead of putting up a fight and insisting on Cap’n Crunch (Kylo probably would have let him eat the sugary cereal anyway). He was already suspicious. After dutifully downing his smoothie without so much as a wrinkled nose, he’d attempted to casually ask about the Aquatennial fireworks that night. Meaning, he’d outright asked if they could go without any preamble.

“What’s this?” Rey asked as she walked into the kitchen, toweling her wet hair. She muffled a wheezing cough with her elbow.

“Cory wants to go to the Aquatennial fireworks tonight,” Kylo explained. He expected to see Rey’s usual worried expression when the subject of leaving the house with Cory came up, but instead she smiled at her son.

“I think that’s a good idea.”

Kylo pursed his lips. “It’s going to be packed. And it’s over 90 degrees today.”

“It’ll cool off in the evening. And I think we need to get out of the house.” She wrapped an arm around Kylo, her voice dropping. “We need to do something besides worry all day. _I_ need to do something else.” She leaned over Cory, swiping a bite of his eggs.

“ _And_ we already missed the parade and the water-skiers,” Cory injected with a woeful sigh.

Kylo crossed his arms. “You’ve never even been to the Aquatennial! Who told you about it?”

“Poe.”

“Of course he did,” Kylo muttered to himself.

“Can I have some Cap’n Crunch?”

Kylo gaped at his son’s empty plate. “You’re still hungry?”

“Mom ate all my eggs.”

“Sooree,” Rey mumbled through a giant mouthful of food, hiding the stolen fork behind her back. She swallowed with a gulp and coughed again. Kylo frowned and evaluated the dark circles her under eyes.

“Are you feeling okay? You coughed all night. You’ve been coughing for a couple days now.”

“I think it’s just allergies,” Rey said. “I’ll take some Allegra.”

Kylo rubbed her back but didn’t respond, unconvinced. This sounded far worse than her usual summer allergies, but he didn’t want to press it. He crossed the kitchen to get Cory’s cereal.

Cory grinned at Rey. “Does this mean we get to see the fireworks?”

Kylo set the bowl down a little too hard in front of Cory. “Guess so,” he grumbled. “But let’s keep it small,” he insisted, eyeing Rey. “Just us.”

“Right. Small,” she repeated.

Kylo headed to the bathroom. “I mean it. Let’s not turn this into a thing.”

* * *

 

When Kylo shut off the shower, he heard laughing and jumbled conversation, and he thought that Cory must be watching _Will & Grace_ again. According to his son’s painfully serious review, “only the original series was worth watching,” because the more recent reboot was “a flimsy attempt at achieving its previous glory.” Kylo wondered how much TV he watched with Poe and Finn.

He exited the bathroom, yanking off the tape that held a plastic bag tight over his cast on his broken hand, and froze in the hallway with a strangled yelp. Finn and Poe sat on either side of Cory, munching on dry handfuls of cereal and he heard the rumble of Han’s voice from the living room, followed by Rey’s laugh. Leia crossed the room from the kitchen.

The doorbell chimed but the door swung open before it even finished ringing. Snap stepped inside to a round of cheers and loud greetings.

Kylo gaped, hitching his low-slung towel farther up his waist. He leaned around the corner and called for Rey.

“ _Sweetheart,_ can I talk to you please?”

“Oh no, he only calls me that when he’s mad,” Rey confided to Han.

Han chuckled. “So, all the time then.”

Kylo shifted his glare to his father before retreating down the hallway to their bedroom, trailed by Rey.

“What the hell!”

She at least had the good sense to wince at his tone.

“I thought we were going to keep it small.”

“I know, I’m sorry Kylo. But they’d all be so disappointed if I cancelled on them, considering I asked everyone two days ago.”

He shook his head. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Get dressed you oversized grouch. You just need some coffee.” She grinned and reached up to kiss his cheek.

“Goddamn that woman,” he grumbled to himself as he went to find clothes.

“I love you too!” She called out as she closed the door after her.

He couldn’t resist a tiny smile.

He heard the doorbell ring again as he got dressed and walked out to find _Phasma_ standing in front of the door, arm around Rey as they leaned towards each other, whispering conspiratorially. A dark haired woman with an athletic build and sharp cheekbones stood at Phasma’s shoulder, bright blue eyes nervously skipping around the room and her hands fiddling with the straps of her purse. Kylo felt like he’d entered an alternate universe.

“Ah, Kylo!” Phasma greeted him. “This is my wife, Una.”

His eyebrows shot up. “You’re married?!”

Rey furtively poked him in the ribs and he shut his mouth, extending a hand to her. “Nice to meet you.”

“Pleased to meet you as well,” Una answered in a crisp, throaty accent. German, he placed it. “Thank you for inviting us on this event.”

“You’re very welcome,” he said with a pointed look at Rey. “Would you like some coffee? I know I need some.”

She glanced at Phasma and then hesitantly nodded. She relaxed considerably when Kylo put a mug in her hands and motioned her towards the milk and sugar on the counter.

* * *

 

It took them nearly an hour to load up their various cars, dividing blankets, bags of food, and lawn chairs between them, with several people lightheartedly bickering about the best place to park and meet up. They finally settled on Gold Medal Park.

“Izzy’s ice cream is there,” Cory told them. That was his main selling point.

Kylo slanted a gaze at Poe from across the room. “Did Poe also tell you about that?”

“Yes, he says it’s the best ice cream in the city.”

“Well, he’s wrong. It’s pretty good but Sebastian Joe’s is the best.”

“Guess we’ll just have to eat them both, so I can decide,” Cory said.

“You should be a lawyer when you grow up. Don’t tell your mom I said that.”

* * *

 

Kylo found the crowds weren’t as much of a problem as he anticipated. Rey put him and Cory in the front. With Cory in a wheelchair – sporting his partially shaved head with its ghastly stitched up cut, arm cast, and other scrapes and bruises – being pushed by Kylo, also with a cast, people got out of the way fast.

“This is kind of nice,” Kylo chuckled to Cory. “How fast do you think I could push you before we started crashing into people?”

Cory giggled at the thought. “Probably fast, except Mom is faster. She would catch us first.”

They secured a large spot on the bridge facing the side of the river where the fireworks would be launched. Rey broke out some board games while Kylo volunteered to roll Cory around the park to visit all the prettiest spots. Every corner inundated him with memories.

“I haven’t been down here in years,” he told Cory. “Mom and I used to come here all the time, nearly all year around. It was one of her favorite areas.”

“I love it too,” Cory declared.

“Let’s go to her very favorite spot,” he told Cory, turning around to head for a striking geometric building along the riverfront. “See that long part that sticks straight out? It’s called the ‘endless bridge.’ We’re going to go to the very end of it.”

Cory gasped. “But there’s nothing holding it up!”

“Yeah, it’s magic.”

Cory rolled his eyes. “It’s not magic, Dad. It’s science!”

Kylo laughed as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Cory. “Call Mom and tell her to meet us there.”

* * *

 

Rey rested her head on Kylo’s broad shoulder while all three of them sat on the top row of the cement theatre-style seats. Cory was scootching back and forth, admiring the view from the different sides of  the observation deck.

“I think you should move in with us,” Rey said softly.

Kylo’s heart jumped. “Oh?”

“You already stay with us almost constantly. It only makes sense.”

Kylo wound his fingers through hers. “We could buy a house.”

“You mean _you_ could buy a house,” she snorted.

 _It could truly be_ our _house_ , Kylo thought, his throat suddenly dry. “Rey…”

“I’m thinking Uptown, near the lakes? If you’re going to buy a house you might as well aim high.”

“The houses around there are beautiful. Maybe a three or four bedroom? Have a little extra space.”

Rey wrinkled her nose. “What would we need extra rooms for?”

Kylo paused. “A guest room or a study.” _Or a nursery._

She hummed. “That _would_ be nice. But what happens…what happens if – you’re not there?”

He squeezed her hand. “I want to set up trust funds for you and Cory. We just have to complete some paperwork and name a trustee.”

“What does a trustee do?”

“Basically handles the fund, invests the money, distributes it according to my specifications. It has to be someone who knows what they’re doing, and someone we can trust.”

“I would say Phasma, if she wasn’t already mixed up in this.”

“It doesn’t have to be someone we know, it can be a professional too. We can figure it out later. I just want to make sure I can take care of you, even if everything goes wrong.”

Rey’s temper flared. “You don’t have to take care of us, we did just fine before.”

Kylo frowned. “That was before his accident, before all these enormous medical bills, back when touring was still a reliable source of income.”

Rey rubbed her eyes and sighed. She couldn’t disagree with that. “Okay, I know. You just want to help.” She turned her head to cough violently. Kylo’s mouth twisted as he surveyed the light flush to her cheeks.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You really don’t look good.” He put a hand to her forehead. “You’re _really_ hot.”

“Thanks, babe,” she said with a smirk.

He huffed. “I mean it. Silly puns aside, you feel like you have a fever.”

“It’s 2 pm in the middle of July and we’re sitting under the blazing sun. Of course I feel hot.”

Kylo’s frown deepened. “Promise me if you’re still coughing and have a fever tomorrow you’ll go to the doctor.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, fine. I promise.”

* * *

 

The thermometer beeped and Kylo held it up. “103. Holy shit. Get up, we’re going to the doctor right now.”

Rey groaned and then hacked into a pillow, her whole chest shuddering. “Noooo just let me sleep,” she said, voice cracking and hoarse.

“Absolutely not, up, right now. I’ll call for someone to watch Cory. Put clothes on.”

With a frustrated growl she pushed back the covers and sat on the edge of the bed. “Fine! But check on Cory first.”

Rey was still slumped on the edge of the bed when Kylo came back, arms pressed around her bare stomach, shivering. Kylo didn’t say anything, he just grabbed some sweatpants and a t-shirt and dressed Rey himself.

Finn and Poe showed up before long and Kylo practically carried Rey to his car. He cast worried glances at her as he sped through traffic, swearing under his breath at slow drivers. He couldn’t remember if he’d ever seen her this sick.

“Where are we going,” she mumbled, eyes half-shut.

“To my doctor.”

“But it’s Sunday.”

“He’s coming in for me.”

“Rich people healthcare,” she grumbled.

“Yes, it’s a fucked up system, but today it’s fucked up in your favor.”

Rey’s answer was swallowed by a round of heavy coughs. Kylo pressed the gas farther.

* * *

 

Dr. Westin slid his stethoscope around Rey’s back, prompting her to cough for him at intervals. Finally he leaned back.

“I could get x-rays but I’m almost positive you have pneumonia.”

“Pneumonia?” Kylo said, openmouthed. “But it’s the middle of the summer. And she’s healthy.”

Dr. Westin’s gaze flicked to Kylo and then back to Rey. “I suspect you’ve been under heavy stress lately, what with First Order and then your son.”

Rey nodded weakly.

“Have you been back to the hospital recently?”

Her head came up. “Yeah, three times a week for therapy and tests.”

“The stress probably lowered your immune system and then you’ve been constantly exposed to sickness.”

“But…it’s a hospital.”

Westin nodded while he booted up the sleek computer on a corner desk. “Full of sick people. That’s actually one of the biggest hazards of being in a hospital.”

Rey frowned, thinking about Cory.

“If you want to confirm pneumonia, I can order x-rays but you’d have to come back tomorrow or wait for my tech to get here.” He half-smiled. “I don’t think she’d like that very much.”

“No,” Rey said, “just give me some medicine.”

“I’m going to prescribe a big round of Levofloxacin. It concerns me a bit that you got this sick so quickly.”

“How do you know it’s bacterial?” Kylo interjected.

“Bacterial is much more common in adults. And if it’s viral we’ll know after a few days because the antibiotics won’t help.”

Westin clicked around a program on the computer for a few minutes before sighing and reaching for his script pad. “My nurses do our record and script program, I’m hopeless. You’ll have to do this the old fashioned way.”

He tore a page off and handed it to Rey, who thought it looked like a series of scribbles. He wagged his pen at her. “Stay in bed and drink lots of fluids. You should take Tylenol until your temp goes back to 101 or lower, but after that I’m personally not a fan. It just masks your symptoms and then you over-exert yourself.”

Rey nodded wearily. Lying in bed and going to sleep sounded like the most glorious thing at the moment.

Kylo dropped Rey off before heading to the nearest drugstore. She curled up in bed in a light doze until he came back, two bulging plastic bags rustling in hand.

“What’s all that?”

He licked his lips. “I panicked.”

Rey reached for the bags and started chuckling as she pulled items out. Inside the bags were four different kinds of cough drops, two bottles of Tylenol, several tubes of Airborne and packets of Emergen-C in different flavors (later she learned, _all_ the flavors), an assortment of cold medication, a box of tissues, VapoRub, Throat Coat tea, zinc supplements, and finally at the bottom, her antibiotics. She flopped back onto her pillow as her wheezing laugh turned into shaking coughs.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I also stopped at the grocery store, so there is some soup if you want.”

“What kind?” Rey rasped, ripping open a bag of cough drops.

“Chicken noodle. And French onion, borscht, curry lentil, and ginger squash.”

Her chest started heaving again as she was wracked with laughter. “Oh my god. I don’t know whether to forbid you from another supply run ever again or deem you the new in-house nurse.”

Kylo smiled as he sat down on the bed, pushing mussed hair back from her face. “I just want you to get better.”

“I will,” she told him, trying to pry the lid off the prescription bottle. He took it from her and popped it open with ease.

“Thanks,” she sighed. “I’m just so tired. I feel like a weak old woman.”

He smirked, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “Get some sleep then, Grannie.”

* * *

 

A day and a half later, Rey was starting to feel much better, but she lingered in bed, enjoying Kylo’s attention. He proved to be a _very_ good nurse. She relaxed against a pillow as Kylo stroked her bare curves, landing soft kisses along her spine. Her legs were still tingling from the mind-blowing orgasm he’d just given her.

“Don’t you need to go into work?” She asked with a soft sigh when his hands slipped around her hips, teasing the sensitive skin of her inner thighs.

“I took the week off. I’m mostly a sitting duck, just waiting for the SEC to start an investigation.”

“Then what?”

“I’ll resign, probably Phasma too.”

She rolled over to face him, burrowing against his chest. “I don’t want to think about it.” Her hands wandered down his abs and she felt his cock twitch against her.

“Then I’ll distract you,” he purred in her ear.

* * *

 

Kylo was surprised by how long it took the SEC to start an investigation. Taylor had been right, everyone was confused about how to proceed under such unusual circumstances.

The announcement came over two weeks later. It wasn’t exactly a true announcement, rather than a quiet launching of their investigation. A public announcement could lead to innocent careers being tarnished or important documentation destroyed. Witnesses were found and questioned confidentially (or so they thought). Nothing escaped Phasma, and she kept close tabs on what the SEC was doing and who they were talking to. She met with Kylo every evening, for “happy hour” before they headed home. Really, they were in the back corner of an upscale bar, quietly reviewing the most recent news. Kylo was considering resigning before the investigation was announced publically.

“We’re practically useless, Phasma.”

“I know we’re not being very productive right now, but it keeps employee morale up for them to know we’re not jumping ship.”

“Yet.”

She grimaced. “Yes. Yet. But I want to know what’s going on at every step for as long as possible.”

“I just wish I had something more useful to do than cozy up to investors and vendors and try to assure them that everything will be fine. It’s a complete lie, and they all know it.”

Phasma took a graceful sip of her wine. “That’s not true, you’ve been working on other things.”

He made a face at her. “Checking up on each department head every day and nagging them about keeping up numbers is getting tiresome.”

“Well, someone has to do it.”

“The board has to be looking for our replacements already.”

Phasma traced the rim of her glass. “Oh they are, I have a list of their potential candidates. They’re rushing through the vetting process, and that worries me. I might have to…tweak their findings a bit.”

“Please do not muddle things up more,” Kylo growled.

“I won’t leave a trace,” she promised him.

He rubbed his temples. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Yes, I know.”

* * *

 

Kylo had never been so excited for the weekend before. Rey and him had two open houses to go to and relaxing dinner plans with his parents. Well, as relaxing as being around his parents could be. He’d always struggled to put work out of his mind, spending all his free time on it. But he found he was getting increasingly better at shutting it all out.

Saturday morning, his eyes slowly opened, eyelashes whispering along the pillowcase. Rey slipped into bed behind him, pressing lingering kisses down the back of his neck, landing each one in the soft dips between the spines of his vertebrae. He murmured appreciatively, drawing her arm under his own and clasping it against his chest. She nestled closer, resting her cheek in the crook of his neck.

“Kylo,” she breathed.

“Hmmm?” The noise rumbled through him, vibrating into Rey’s chest.

“I’m pregnant.”

He froze, his grip on her hand became strangling. She sunk inside and raw pain welled up. Carefully, he rotated to face her. She was met with wide, shining eyes. He grazed his fingertips along her jaw before cupping her face with both hands.

“You sure?”

She nodded silently. His face split into a blinding grin and he huffed a strangled laugh, blinking back tears. He crushed her against him, planting kisses on her ear, her forehead, her hair. She pushed back to look into his face, scanning it apprehensively. Worry clouded his features. “What’s wrong?”

She groped for words. “I thought…this is not the reaction I expected.”

His eyebrows drew together, pained. “You thought I’d be mad?”

She nodded wordlessly again. “Because of the investigation and everything that’s happening.”

He pressed another gentle kiss to her forehead. “Never, Love. I’m so happy.”

Rey sniffled, and her chest hitched. He looked down at her just as tears started to leak out. He clutched her against him again, whispering soothingly into her ear and stroking her hair. After a few minutes, she sniffed back the rest of her tears, letting him carefully wipe them away from her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she gasped. “I couldn’t help feel happy and I wanted you to be happy too. I was so hoping you would, but then I thought that you couldn’t possibly, and I was ready for the worst and now –“ He cut her off with a soft kiss.

“How did this happen? When? I thought you were on the pill.”

She sighed and flopped against the pillows. “I am. But that week I was sick, with the antibiotics? I forgot a couple days and I didn’t even realize it until it was too late for a Plan B.” She shook her head. “Stupid of me.”

She snuggled against him and they laid in contented silence for a few moments. His lips moved against her hair, “You know what this means.”

“Mmm?”

“You _have_ to marry me now.”

She snorted wetly. “What?”

“If I get you pregnant twice and don’t marry you, my mom will kill us both.”

Rey dissolved into sniffling giggles. “Well if you ask me to marry you right this moment, I’ll kill you myself. Do it right.”

His heart pounded. “Does that mean it’s something you want me to do?”

Her answer came in kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE.  
> So I wrote that end part literally like two years ago, when I first started this fic. I've been working up to it since then and I'm SO EXCITED I finally get to share it. I banged this chapter out start to finish in like 3 hours and i've never done that before, so I might wake up tomorrow and hate it, but hopefully it's actually good and you guys enjoy it (this is a shameless plug for comments).
> 
> Some notes:  
> Una is short for Unamo, who was a female First Order officer in The Force Awakens. I just liked her a lot and hopefully I can work her into the story more.
> 
> The Aquatennial is a real Minneapolis event and it's pretty fun. The fireworks are rad, they set them off over the Mississippi river in the middle of the city. The best view is on the stone arch bridge, which is literally next to the fireworks. The building Kylo, Rey, and Cory visited is the Gutherie Theatre and it's also rad. I apologize for my MN pride escaping but I truly do love this area. I was going to say google it but I got excited so here are pictures :  
> [Bridge at river level](https://frigidlight.com/blog/2015/09/01/minneapolis-stone-arch-bridge/)
> 
>  
> 
> [On the bridge](https://www.enr.com/blogs/18-crossing-that-bridge-when-we-come-to-it/post/39764-how-an-old-stone-arch-bridge-brings-life-to-downtown-minneapolis)
> 
>  
> 
> [Theatre](http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/arts/miranda/la-et-cam-jean-nouvel-guthrie-theater-minneapolis-20150531-htmlstory.html)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter deals with some heavy topics, including physical trauma and miscarriage. I've added a summary at the bottom if you want to skip this chapter. If you want to read up to TW content, stop reading after the horizontal line marked with *******

Rey turned around in the sunlight-drenched room, eyes glowing. “This is the one, Kylo. I can feel it.”

The previous weekend of house-hunting had been a bust. Rey and Kylo had cancelled on their parents, citing tiredness all around. Really, Rey want wanted to see her gynecologist to confirm the pregnancy and she knew that the second Leia saw them, she’d probably figure out Rey was pregnant. She had uncanny instincts. Instead, they’d planned this weekend as the announcement dinner. Her stomach fluttered with anticipation. She knew it was really early, earlier than most people announced it, but she couldn’t stand to keep it a secret. They were telling Cory as soon as they got home from their morning of viewing houses.

“This is an excellent choice,” their real estate agent said warmly. “When this went up for sale yesterday, I _knew_ I had to show it to you. Let’s go work on the offer.”

They followed their agent down to the dining room. “It’s bigger than we were looking for,” Rey said to Kylo. “Way bigger.” She grimaced.

Kylo knew that was code for _more expensive._ “The sale of my condo will easily pay for this entire house.”

Rey bit her lip but she couldn’t bring herself to say no, it had been love at first sight. It was a five bedroom Tudor-style home on a corner lot, facing Lake Bde Maka Ska. Set farther back from the surrounding houses and on a bigger lot, it offered everything they needed and wanted: a yard, garden space, garage, natural light, wood flooring, and the charm of an old house. Kylo had refused to look at any of the “Frankenstein McMansion” houses in the city, which he said were an affront to architecture.

“Cory’s going to love that creepy attic,” Kylo mused. “He’ll probably want it as his bedroom.”

“I thought it was cute,” Rey said. “We can let him stay in there.”

Kylo shot her a bewildered look. “He needs a room on the first floor so he doesn’t have to go up the stairs.”

She chuckled. “He already hates getting carried everywhere, and he’ll spend one sweaty, hot, miserable night up there, and then three more days out of stubbornness, and then he’ll make up an excuse to move into a different bedroom with good air conditioning.”

He grinned. “Devious.” He leaned down to whisper the next words in her ear. “Is it weird that I find your sneaky parenting sexy?”

She shot him a look and shook her head, but followed it with a sly wink. “Save it for later.”

Kylo sighed. “But that’s so long from now. And I know as soon as everyone leaves, you’ll crawl into bed and immediately fall asleep. What are you grinning about?”

She wove her fingers through his. “Tonight. Telling Cory. I’m just so excited.”

He pulled her close and planted a long kiss on her hair. “Me too. I just never thought…this is not where I thought my life would go,” he cut off when an unexpected lump rose in his throat.

Rey felt her own tears prick her eyes in response. “I know. I never stopped wanting it though.”

Kylo buried his face her hair to hide his trembling chin. “I love you so much,” he whispered hoarsely.

They were interrupted by a small sniffle and looked over to see their agent watching them, wiping one corner of her eye. “Goddammit you two, now we’re all crying.”

Rey giggled. “I’m sorry, acting like a couple of moony teenagers when we should be signing papers.”

The agent grinned. “These moments are what make this job amazing. I’m so happy for you both.”

Kylo gruffly cleared his throat, more than a little embarrassed. “Alright. Papers. Let’s do this. We have a son to surprise.”

* * *

Rey was giddy from excitement by the time they got home. They found Cory and the nurse on rotation that day in the backyard, doing physical therapy for his legs that was thinly veiled as a game. Cory knew better, but he put up with all the “games” the nurses gave him. Rey suspected he was just as unnerved by his lack of mobility as everyone else, maybe even more.

They said a rushed goodbye to the nurse, glad they insisted Leia that stay home, for obvious reasons.

“Hey Cory, we need to tell you something. Come sit down.” He hobbled over on his elbow crutches and eased into a patio chair nestled in the overgrown grass.

He eyed them nervously. “You guys are acting weird. Why are you smiling so creepy?”

Rey gripped Kylo’s hand, unable to stop an enormous grin from stretching across her face. “You’re going to have a little brother or sister. I’m having another baby.”

He blinked as he took in her words and then his face split in a smile. “Seriously!?” He wiggled in his chair, arms flailing in excitement. “When? When?”

“Next spring,” Kylo told him. “Sometime in April.”

Cory’s face fell. “That’s sooooooo long from now,” he whined, flopping dramatically back in his chair.

Rey smiled sympathetically. “But think of all the cool stuff we’ll get to do before then. You can help us decorate their bedroom and pick out clothes. We’ll throw a party for the baby and do all sorts of fun stuff. They'll be here before you know it.”

Cory wiggled to the edge of his chair, making grabby hands at Rey’s middle. “Can I talk to the baby? Can they hear me yet?”

“Not yet,” she said with a laugh. But you can talk anyway.”

“Can I read them my favorite books?”

“Of course.”

“Can we watch my favorite movies together?”

Rey pursed her lips as she envisioned hours of watching the same movies on repeat. “Ummm…”

Kylo cut in. “And tonight we’re going to tell Grandma and Grandpa, Finn and Poe, and everyone else!”

“Phasma too?”

“Yes.”

“And Una?? She has to be there too.”

Rey figured the reserved German woman would be a bit uncomfortable, but Cory had taken an instant liking to her, insisting she and Phasma join all their activities. _All_ their activities. He asked every day if he could go visit the women. He’d asked Rey if they could come on their Target run the day before, and then sulked the entire trip after Rey said no.

“Yes,” Kylo reassured him, shooting Rey an amused look.

“But you can’t say _anything_ when they come over,” Rey told Cory. “We’re going to surprise everyone.”

Cory looked pained but he promised absolute silence. He grilled Rey with questions while they prepped dinner, about when her belly would get big and what the baby would look like and where they would sleep. But when people started showing up for dinner, he clamped his mouth shut, planting himself in the living room with a resolute grimace on his face.

“Is Cory okay?” Leia questioned Kylo. “He’s never this quiet.”

“He’s uh, not feeling so great today.”

Leia pursed her lips. “You were always a terrible liar.”

Kylo made a face at her. “That’s all you’re going to get out of me for now.” His gaze flitted unconsciously to Rey. Leia followed his line of sight and then raised an eyebrow with a knowing look.

“Mom,” he said with a rumble. “Do _not_ push this. Just be patient, for once.”

She hummed, but left without protest, taking a bowl of vegetables out to Han for grilling.

Rey gripped Kylo’s hand under the table all the way through dinner until his bones started to ache. She’d practically chewed her lip raw by the time everyone finished eating. Leia shot them suspicious looks throughout the meal, especially when she noticed that Rey accepted half a glass of wine but didn’t touch it once. Cory remained unusually quiet, even though the silence seemed to pain him.

A lull fell over the group. Han leaned back in his seat, patting his stuffed belly. He opened his mouth to make a remark but Kylo loudly cleared his throat first.

“Guys, we have an announcement to make.”

“I’M PREGNANT,” Rey burst out, drowning whatever Kylo was about to say next. A grin spread over his face.

There was a beat of silence and then Cory let out an enormous, relieved breath. Everyone exploded at once.

Finn shrieked and jumped out of his chair, toppling it backwards as he dashed to Rey’s side, smothering her in a giant hug and kisses. Poe and Snap were whooping and cheering.

“Alright Kylo, way to go!”

Kylo blushed as their remarks grew more suggestive. “Okay, enough,” he huffed at them, his gruffness barely concealing his true excitement.

Leia was wiping away tears and Kylo thought he even saw a tiny glint in his father’s eyes.

Una seemed overwhelmed by the noise but she offered up a heartfelt congratulations, strongly echoed by Phasma. “I’m happy for you, Kylo,” Phasma leaned over to tell him.

“Ben,” Leia said over the general din, “why isn’t there a ring on her finger?”

Kylo gaped and then sputtered as he tried to think of an appropriate response. “Mom, you’re unbelievable!” He finally got out.

“I knew there had to be a reason you were so quiet tonight,” Han remarked to Cory.

“They said I had to keep it a secret,” he responded with a dramatic eye roll. “It almost _killed_ me.”

The questions came quickly after, shooting off rapidly from every side, everyone stepping on each other’s words.

“When are you due?”

“How far along are you?”

“When are we going to throw a baby shower??”

“When did you find out?”

“TINY SOCKS!” Finn crowed, still hugging Rey. “And tiny shoes and tiny shirts and tiny pants and oh my gosh, Rey, we can get Cory and the baby matching outfits! I’m going to buy you so many TINY things.” He seemed blissfully overwhelmed at the prospect of all the tininess.

“Rey,” Poe said over his husband’s head. “You should see him every time we walk past the baby section at literally any store. I swear to God he cries every time.”

“Everything is just so smaaaaallll and cuuuute,” Finn exclaimed, wringing his hands.

“Why don’t you guys just have your own baby,” she said under Finn’s arm to Poe.

Poe shook his head furiously. “Don’t encourage him.”

“Poe, I _know_ you want kids.”

“We have a farm to start. And we can’t _now_ , I don’t want to steal your thunder.” He smirked at her. “Besides, I think Finn would die from sheer excitement at the number of tiny things.”

Rey just rolled her eyes and muttered something about his stubbornness.

The happy chaos continued for nearly another half hour until both Rey and Kylo started to look overwhelmed. Leia shushed everyone not long after.

“Everyone calm down. Calm down Finn. Finn! Shush!”

He finally piped down from his babbling about various baby shower themes with a guilty look.

Leia stood up with her glass in hand. “A toast to the family that’s about to get a little bit bigger. You three deserve all the happiness and joy and I’m so thrilled, as is everyone else here. And if you aren’t married by the time this little one is born, I’m going to be very, very upset.” She said the last part with a teasing glint in her eye and everyone laughed. Kylo just groaned and thumped his head against the table.

“Don’t worry Leia, we won’t let you down,” Rey said with a grin.

“Cheers!” Leia said.

“Cheers!” Everyone responded, filling the air with delicate clinks.

Leia moved away from the table. “Now who wants dessert?”

* * *

The next Thursday, Kylo lied to Rey. He said he was going to work, but instead he made his way towards a coffee shop on the other side of the city, picking a table in a back corner and nervously jittering his leg, his head jerking towards the door every time someone came in.

After 15 long minutes, he gave in and ordered a coffee just to have something in his hands.

“Kylo! Buddy!” Poe’s cheery voice broke through his anxious thoughts and Kylo let out a breath.

“You’re late,” he grouched.

“Hey,” Poe said, waving his hands. “Don’t blame me. Finn got lost. Why did you pick such a weird spot? I’ve never even heard of this place.”

Kylo leaned forwards as Poe and Finn sat down. “I had to keep this a secret.”

Their faces immediately fell and they grew still. Poe’s eyes widened. “Why? What’s going on?”

“No, it’s not about that, it’s not bad, it’s fine.” Kylo gave up his rambling and instead pulled a small velvet box from his pocket.

Finn gasped and grabbed Poe’s arm, shaking him back and forth. “I KNEW IT. I told you! I knew it!”

Kylo swallowed. “You guys are the closest thing Rey has to family.”

Finn clapped his hands over his mouth and then pressed them over his heart. “Oh Kylo, are you asking us for her hand in marriage?”

“Of course not, that’s asinine. And Rey would be furious if she found out I did something so sexist.”

Poe grinned. “That she would.”

Finn rolled his eyes. “ _I_ think it’s romantic.”

“You think everything is romantic, dear.”

Kylo shook his head but couldn’t resist a tiny smile. “I’m asking for your _blessing._ I know we’ve had some missteps.”

Finn snorted. “That’s one thing to call it.”

Kylo puffed out a breath. “Okay, you guys hated me deeply for a long time.”

Poe laid his hand on Kylo’s wrist. “We never hated you. We just deeply detested you for what you did to Rey. And The Resistance.”

Kylo gave him a withering look. “Thanks Poe, I feel much better.” He flipped the ring box around in his hands. “But I’m serious when I say I’m so sorry. I regret it every day. It seems somewhat useless to ask for your forgiveness, but I’m doing it anyway.”

Finn interrupted him. “What’s past is past, Kylo. We both know you’ve changed and we’ve never seen Rey so happy. Or Cory, for that matter. They’re both better for having you in their lives, no matter what else is happening. Of _course_ you have our blessing.”

Kylo didn’t trust his voice at that moment, so he just nodded.

“I want to see the ring,” Finn demanded. Kylo handed it over and Finn popped the lid up, the couple oo’ing and ah’ing over it.

“This looks vintage,” Poe remarked, tilting it to catch the sunlight.

“It was my grandmother’s,” Kylo confirmed. “Both her and my grandpa died before I was born, but my mom told me they were deeply in love their entire marriage.”

“Okay, that _is_ romantic and you can’t possibly disagree with me,” Finn insisted. “So?? How are you going to ask her?”

“That’s the other reason I asked to meet today. I have absolutely no idea. I’m not good at this kind of thing.”

Both their eyes lit up. “Oh my gosh,” Finn gushed. “I have SO many ideas.”

“You could have a romantic dinner downtown and then ask her at the top of the Foshay tower!”

“No take her for a casual dinner at that Indian place where you guys ran into each other in May! With candles and music.”

“Oh! Clear out the bar where you met and fill it with candles and a live band! And you can dance and just be in love.”

“Ooo! How about at the Irvine park where you guys had your first date?? The flowers will be gorgeous right now. Or you could wait until the leaves change and do it then! And have a live band and candles everywhere.”

“I’m sensing a theme…” Kylo interjected. “These are all great ideas but I want Cory to be involved.”

Finn slapped his hand on the table. “What if you and Cory planned a scavenger hunt around the cities that goes to all your memorable spots?”

“What if you wrote a song and you and Cory sang it together? At the Lyndale Rose Garden?”

Poe interrupted Finn’s stream of ideas. “Have you asked Cory for ideas?”

Kylo raked his hand through his hair and looked at the ceiling. “No…I haven’t said anything to him yet. And any idea he comes up with will be Star Wars themed. But I think he’d like this scavenger hunt thing.”

“Go all out, Kylo,” Finn encouraged him. “Scavenger hunt to every single place you can think of, and write a song and have him sing it, clear out a place and fill it with candles and flowers and everything else.”

Kylo looked faint. “This sounds like a lot of planning.”

Poe smiled. “Don’t worry Kylo, we got you. This is going to be a breeze.”

Kylo knit his brows. “I seriously doubt that.”

*******

* * *

Rey and Kylo got the news that their offer for the house had been accepted and they spent the next couple weeks prepping for their move. Kylo snuck away when he could, often times before work to meet up with Finn and Poe and do more proposal planning. He still wasn’t sure when to involve Cory, remembering how much trouble he’d had trying to keep the secret of Rey’s pregnancy for mere hours.

One evening after Kylo and Rey had dropped off a car-load of rarely used items at their new house, Rey suggested they take a break and relax by the lake. She was laid out in the grass, shoes off, shirt pulled up to her ribs and basking in the sun, when she grabbed Kylo’s arm so hard it hurt, gasping, her hand immediately going to her middle.

His heart thumped. “What’s wrong?”

“Cramps,” she said through gritted teeth, leaning over. “Feels like period cramps. Really bad period cramps. Ugh I thought I was free of these for a while!”

“We should call the doctor,” Kylo said, immediately reaching for his phone.

“No, no,” Rey told him. “I had some minor cramping and spotting with Cory, it’s pretty normal.” She let out a sigh as the worst of the pain passed and released his arm.

He pressed his lips, hesitantly putting his phone back in his pocket. “Okay…but if they last a long time, we call the doctor.”

“Deal,” she smiled wanly at him. “Plus we have the eight week check up in a few days.”

His lips twisted again as he surveyed her face.

“Relax, Kylo. I’m fine, the baby is fine. This isn’t my first rodeo.” She pulled him close and gave him a long kiss.

He let out a long breath, staring into her hazel eyes. “This _is_ my first rodeo. I’m just nervous.”

Rey chuckled, leaning up again to smooth away each anxious winkle in his face with a kiss. She rubbed her lower abdomen. “See? They’re already completely gone. I’m fine.”

* * *

The next morning, another round of cramps hit Rey during breakfast. She must have tensed up, because Kylo immediately looked up from his book with a frown. “What’s wrong, love?”

She noticed Cory watching as well and forced a smile. “Just nausea. The cereal isn’t sitting right.”

He gave her a long look, like he didn’t quite believe her. She coaxed her body to relax against her chair. “I think I’m going to lay down for a little bit. A tiny whisper of guilt gnawed at her middle for not telling Kylo, but she pushed it away. He had enough to be anxious about, and she didn’t need him helicoptering around her for the next week while he should be focusing on work, selling his condo, and getting ready for moving day.

They relaxed that evening after Cory had gone to sleep, stretched out on their couch and watching TV. She admittedly was grateful that Han had dropped off a TV, Cory said he was “dang tired” of watching shows on her laptop and she had to agree.

The third round of cramps took her by surprise, hitting so fast and hard that she let out an involuntary grunt and flinched, shuddering against Kylo’s shoulder. He immediately turned to her, rubbing his hands up and down her arm with pale features. She worked to keep the pain off her face.

“Cramps again?”

“Yeah,” she grimaced. “And worse than before, too.”

He jumped off the couch, tugging on her hand. “We’re going to the ER right now.”

She sighed and attempted to pull his massive frame back down. “Come on, Kylo. I’m tired.”

“Well _I’m_ worried.”

“I know sweetie. Please, sit back down. We can go in the morning. I promise.”

He wavered for a minute, chewing his lip. “Fine,” he said, caving. He sat back down and she tucked herself against his side. “Now be quiet and let me watch Property Brothers.”

“This is like it’s 10th season,” Kylo grumbled. “I can’t believe they rebooted it. And they’re not even the same brothers! _And_ you’ve seen this episode at least twice. How are you not tired of it?”

“It’s the best,” she retorted.

“No, it’s honestly one of the worst shows.”

She jabbed him in the ribs so hard he yelped, then she winced. “Ugh, I’m going to go get some Advil.”

Kylo jumped up, “No, I can get it.”

She rolled her eyes and stepped around him. “I have to pee too, can you do that for me?”

He made a face. “Fine.”

Kylo scrolled through his news feed on his phone and then realized several minutes had gone by. Too many minutes.

He walked to the bathroom instead of shouting, afraid of waking Cory. He knocked on the door. “Love?”

When Rey didn’t answer right away, he knocked again. No response. Now genuinely concerned, he opened the door, his heart dropping when he stepped inside.

Rey laid curled up on the floor, her hands wrapped around her middle, teeth clenched against a wave of pain. Underneath her, a puddle of blood.

“Oh my god,” he cried, dropping to his knees. “Rey, Rey?” He pulled her towards him and she gasped, focusing on his face.

“Something’s wrong. It hurts so much,” she gritted out.

“I’m calling 911. Stay here.”

He rushed to the couch to find his phone, hands shaking as he tapped in the three numbers and the headed back to the bathroom.

A low, calm female voice answered him. “911, what’s your emergency?”

“My girlfriend is having horrible stomach pains and she’s bleeding badly. She’s seven and half weeks pregnant.”

“Okay, sir. Is the bleeding coming from the vaginal area?”

“Not positive, but it looks like it is.”

“Where are you? I’ll send an ambulance out to you right away.”

He gave her their address as he rubbed Rey’s back. She leaned against the wall, eyes dazed.

“What should we do until they get here?” He asked the operator.

“Carefully have her lay on her side or back and elevate her hips and legs with a pillow. Get her some blankets, if she’s lost a lot of blood she might go into shock. I can stay on the line until the ambulance arrives.”

“I have to call someone to come watch our son.”

“I understand. The ambulance will be there shortly.”

As soon as Kylo hung up he dialed Finn’s number. They lived the closest. He answered on the third ring.

“Hey man, what’s up?”

“I need you or Poe to come here right now to stay with Cory. Rey’s going to the hospital. We’re waiting for the ambulance to get here.”

Finn swore and Kylo heard rustling on the other side and then Finn talking to Poe, low and urgent. “We’ll be over right away. What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Kylo whispered. “But I think it’s the baby.”

Finn didn’t know what to say, so he just repeated that they’d be over as soon as possible.

Kylo scrambled to follow the operator’s instructions. He wrapped Rey in blankets and eased her to her back, placing a couch cushion underneath her. He ran for a pair of shoes, knowing she’d be pissed if he sent her to the hospital barefoot. “I’ll be right back, Love.”

Heart still racing, he ran to Cory’s room to wake him. He gently shook his arm until Cory groaned and opened his eyes.

“Dad?”

“Hey kid. Mommy’s sick so the doctors are going to take her to the hospital. Finn and Poe are going to watch you until we get back.”

Cory rubbed his eyes and sat up. “Will she be okay?”

“Of course,” Kylo told him, throat tight. “The doctors will make her better right away. Everything will be okay.”

“Can I tell her goodbye?”

“Sure,” Kylo said, helping him out of bed and supporting him under one arm as Cory wobbled to the bathroom. Thankfully, the thick towels and blankets covered up Rey’s blood-soaked pants.

“Hey baby,” she whispered when she saw Cory. He looped his arms tightly around her neck.

“Mommy what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” she told him honestly. “But I know I’ll be okay.”

“Will the baby be okay?”

Her eyes tightened and she swallowed. Her answer was interrupted by the sounds of approaching footsteps and a knock on their door. Kylo let Poe and Finn inside, unable to force out a greeting.

They surveyed Rey, trying not to crowd the bathroom and struggling to keep their voices light when they suggested they read some stories with Cory before he went back to sleep.

“I want to go with Mommy,” he whined.

Rey took his hand in hers. “I know sweetie, but the ambulance is really small and we can’t all fit. If I’m not home by the time you wake up, I promise you can come visit me. We can order some jello and watch a movie.”

He sniffled. “Promise?”

“Pinkie promise,” she said, holding out her pinkie. They locked them together and kissed their fingers.

Sirens whined in the distance and Kylo let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He hugged Cory and kissed his head. “We’ll be back soon kid.”  He nodded to the men. “I’ll call you as soon as we know anything.”

They ushered Cory out of the bathroom right as the EMTs pushed open the cracked front door and clomped after Kylo into the bathroom. Rey’s head lulled to one side, her eyes unfocused. Her body shuddered every few seconds with painful spasms.

“Sir, please stand back while we treat her.”

Kylo hovered in the hallway, trying to keep his eyes on her face while they strapped her onto a stretcher, checked her blood pressure, shined a light in her eyes, and hooked her up to a blood and IV drip.

They hoisted the stretcher and carried her to the door.

“You got mud all over my floor,” Rey noted when she saw the thick, muddy boot prints. Her voice was painfully weak and almost dreamy.

“Are you her husband?” One of them nodded to Kylo. “Only family in the ambulance.”

Kylo hesitated.

“He’s my fiancé,” Rey answered for him, voice barely above a murmur. Kylo nodded in agreement and the EMTs let him in.

The ride to the hospital felt endless. They rushed Rey inside the building after transferring her to a gurney, nurses jogging down a hallway to a room. One of them pointed to a chair for Kylo. “I know you’re worried but you need to let us work. Sit down.”

He sat on the edge of the chair in the corner of the room, angling to see Rey’s face as best he could. Nurses bustled around, taking her vitals and arranging the IV drip and blood transfusion. One of them quizzed Rey on her medical history and tapped her answers into a computer, Kylo occasionally interjecting to add something. Rey was more touched than annoyed that he remembered so much. She felt more awake at this point, her face slightly less pale and her gaze much stronger. She held out a hand for Kylo’s and the nurse didn’t stop them.

“Knock, knock,” a doctor said, stepping into the room a moment later. “I’m Dr. Phillips, I’ll be looking after you while you’re in the ER unit this evening."

She looked at Rey’s chart. “Says you have a history of endometriosis?”

Rey nodded. “It got way better after my first pregnancy. I haven’t had much trouble with it since then, I guess.”

Kylo frowned. “Your periods have been _way_ worse lately.”

The doctor hummed but didn’t say anything, turning to look at the ultrasound monitor.

“This is going to be cold,” an ultrasound tech warned Rey as she spread jelly on her stomach and set the wand down. She moved slowly across, the shifting, static-looking images were meaningless to Rey and Kylo.

The tech listed off scanning planes, stopping to take images at different positions. The doctor frowned after a minute. “Go back to the transverse oblique. Okay, move to the parasagittal.” The tech moved her wand, pausing over the area. They exchanged looks.

The doctor reached for a cord attached to what looked like a Bluetooth headset. “Audio.” The tech hit some keys as the doctor pressed the headset into her ear. “Go back over the upper right quadrant again.”

She did, finally slowing, and then removed the wand, wiping the jelly off Rey’s stomach. Dr. Phillips took her earpiece out and turned to face them, features grave. “Rey, I’m so sorry to tell you but we can’t see or hear a heartbeat. In combination with the heavy blood loss, it confirms my initial thoughts. You’ve suffered a miscarriage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter summary:
> 
> Kylo and Rey put in an offer in on a house. They tell Cory about the pregnancy and then announce it to Finn, Poe, Leia, Han, Snap, Phasma, and Una. Kylo asks Finn and Poe for their help planning a proposal for Rey. A few weeks pass and Rey begins having stomach cramps. She ignores them because she had spotting and cramps with Cory. After a full day passes, her cramps become incredibly painful and she suffers a miscarriage. The chapter ends with her in the hospital.
> 
> Yes I'm also crying.
> 
> I promise another chapter by the end of Memorial day. It will be okay, I promise.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: This chapter deals with issues of miscarriage, loss, death, and grief. I'll put a chapter summary at the bottom. You can scroll to the line with **** before it to skip the TW content (about 3/4 of the way down).
> 
> Also massive shoutout to AlisonWithOneL for sharing some of her excellent medical knowledge about miscarriages and grieving with me. You are awesome!!

Rey laid still and silent in the bed, her head turned away from Kylo. The doctor had decide to admit her and keep her overnight, concerned about her initial amount of bleeding.

Kylo leaned both elbows on the edge of the bed, staring at her profile. He couldn’t think of a single word to say. Everything felt bruised and tight and aching.

But he was most concerned about Rey.

Rey was a crier. She cried when things hurt, she cried when she was sad, she cried when she was happy, she cried during fights, she cried at cute puppy videos, she cried during touching commercials for cookie dough and online universities.

But now she was silent, not a single tear on her cheeks. He took her hand and she didn’t move an inch; her hand was completely limp in his.

He felt useless. He didn’t know what to say or do. So he called his mother.

The call went to voicemail twice and he began to get frustrated before he realized it was almost 2 am. He was about to pocket his phone and go back into Rey’s room when the screen lit up.

“Mom?”

“Ben? Is everything okay?”

The sound of his mother’s sleepy voice asking the question she used to ask every time he snuck into their room during a thunderstorm or after a nightmare pried something loose.

He choked back a sob. “No,” he shuddered.

“Where are you?”

He gave her directions to the hospital and sat on a hallway bench with his head in his hands. A firm touch on his hair brought his gaze up.

“Mom,” he choked out. She grabbed him in a hug, clutching his giant frame to her chest like he was still a kid. After a moment she pulled away to look at his face.

“Rey?”

Kylo couldn’t meet her eyes. “She had a miscarriage. The baby didn’t make it.”

Her arms tightened around him again and she smoothed a kiss on top of his head.

“I don’t know what to do,” he said, anguished voice muffled by her shoulder.

Leia sighed and sat down next to him.

“When you were three, I got pregnant again.”

Kylo’s eyes went wide. “Really? You never told me.”

"Han and I wanted to wait to say anything to anyone, especially you. Remember how often you asked for a little brother? And we were glad we did. Nine weeks in there was some back pain, nothing major or concerning. I didn’t even think anything of it. But the next week I went in for a check-up and they couldn’t find a heartbeat.” Her words slowed as she deliberated what to say next.

Her lips twisted. “I felt so guilty for so long that I didn’t even _know_ the baby was gone. I thought I should have been able to tell if something was really wrong.”

Kylo frowned. “Are you saying Rey feels _guilty_? The doctor told us there was nothing they could have done even if we had come in earlier. She said miscarriages are nearly impossible to prevent this early.”

Leia nodded slowly. “She probably feels guilty and angry. Heartbroken.”

Kylo’s jaw twitched and he stared off into space. She tipped her head to watch him. “How are you, Ben?”

His vision blurred and he tried to blink away the tears. He shook his head. “I don’t know. Everything hurts.”

Leia squeezed his hand. “You should be with her right now. Don’t worry so much about saying the right words or doing the right thing, just _be_ there. Be honest.”

He dug the palms of his hands into his eyes and then let out a heavy breath. “Okay. Thanks Mom.” He offered her a watery smile.

“I love you,” she said, hugging him again.

“I love you too,” he sniffled. “Can you go by the house? Cory is there with Finn and Poe. I don’t want to talk to them over the phone right now.”

She squeezed his hand. “I’ll tell them. Go be with Rey.”

* * *

 

Kylo took her home the next morning. They’d given her some strong pain meds and she immediately took a dose and crawled into bed to fall asleep. She didn’t want to be awake. She didn’t want to feel the empty ache in her middle that was more than just pain. It was like she could feel the place where a life had been. And she didn’t want to look at the eyes of her friends and family, wide and sympathetic, mouths drawn tight. And she couldn’t face Cory, not right now.

Kylo carded his hands through her hair, dotting soft kisses on her forehead.

“Will you tell him?” Her voice felt raw even though she'd barely spoke since the night before.

“Yeah, I can.”

Her heart clenched and she rolled to face him. “I love you,” she whispered. “So much. Thank you for being –“ her words caught in her throat.

He leaned down to graze her lips with a gentle kiss. “You don’t need to say anything, Rey. I love you too. Let me do this for you.”

He laid with her and stroked her hair until she fell asleep. After shutting their bedroom door behind him, panic bloomed in his chest. He didn’t know how to tell their son. He was going to mess it up.

 _How to explain miscarriage to a 5 year old,_ he typed into Chrome.

_Don’t use euphemisms. They will just scare the child more._

_Don’t be surprised if they lash out or remain indifferent or ask seemingly heartless questions. Remember, kids at this age are essentially still ego-centric._

He scanned parenting blogs until his head spun and then shut off his phone. He didn’t feel any more prepared.

He slipped into Cory’s room. The bedside light was on and him and Leia were awake, she was telling him some grand space adventure story.

“Daddy!” Cory sat up the second Kylo entered, arms reached out. Kylo carefully picked him up and sat down with Cory on his lap.

“Hi Mom,” he softly greeted Leia. “Did you guys get any sleep?”

She just shook her head and offered an apologetic shrug. “He wanted to wait up until you got back.” He just nodded and Leia slipped out, stopping to kiss Cory’s cheek and promise she’d see him the next day.

“I’ll call you later, Ben.” She gave him a final shoulder squeeze before shutting the door behind her.

Cory looped his arms around Kylo’s neck, small face serious. “What’s wrong Daddy?”

Kylo took a deep breath. “Something very sad happened at the hospital.”

Cory went rigid. “Is it Mommy? Is she okay? Can I see her?”

“She’s fine, she’s sleeping because the doctor gave her medicine that made her tired.”

“Why did she get medicine?”

Kylo hesitated and searched for words. “The baby got very sick.”

Cory’s arms tightened around his neck. “Is the baby okay?”

Kylo shook his head. “No. The baby died.”

Cory took in the information silently. “Are they still inside Mommy? Can they come back to life?”

Kylo realized he had no idea if Cory had ever encountered death before, not with pets or people. “No, Cory. They can’t come back. The baby came out of Mommy when they got very sick, that’s why she felt so bad and had to go to the hospital.”

“Can I see them?”

Kylo internally berated himself for not having given Cory any kind of explanation about how a fetus grows. Maybe this would be easier if Cory knew the baby was the size of a raspberry and didn’t look very baby-like. But part of him knew it was more about the idea and less about the facts. _Next time I’ll tell him more,_ Kylo thought and then stilled. There wouldn’t be a next time.

“No, we can’t see them."

Cory let out a tiny, shuddering breath and Kylo clutched him closer. “Mom is very sad. I’m sad.”

“I’m sad too,” he added in a small voice. “Can I go be with Mommy?”

Kylo didn’t have the heart to say no. He carried Cory into their bedroom and set him down gently next to a slumbering Rey. “Don’t wake her up, she’s really tired.”

“I won’t,” Cory whispered, crawling under the covers and snuggling up to her. Kylo felt like he should be doing _something_ , but he was exhausted too. He got in next to Cory, reaching one hand over to lace his fingers with Rey's while she slept.

“Dad,” Cory whispered. The morning sun that escaped around their curtains glinted in his wide, dark eyes. “It will be okay.”

It sounded more like a question than a statement. “Yes, it will,” Kylo promised him. “It will be okay.”

* * *

 

Moving kept them blessedly busy. Kylo begged Rey to take it easy for a few more days, but she insisted she was going to go crazy laying around in bed. She threw herself into the work of packing and lifting and carrying, physical things that kept her mind quiet. Especially because Kylo stubbornly insisted on enforcing his unnecessarily complicated packing system.

He ran around their small house, frazzled, often hovering over his shoulder while she put things in boxes. “You’re supposed to label those boxes with an A1 method, A is the bookcase and 1 is the – “

“Shelf number, I know Kylo. This doesn’t matter, I’m just going to rearrange the books when we move in anyway. Plus all of yours are still in boxes.”

“But aren’t yours organized by subject?”

Rey snorted. “Not at all.”

Kylo squinted at her. “Author?”

“Nope. I just put them where I wanted them to be.”

He looked befuddled. “I don’t understand.”

She shrugged. “You know, whatever felt right.”

“That’s not a system. Is that why all those Sedaris books are next to your Kafkas?”

She nodded, smirking at his perplexed expression.

“That’s insane! I thought for sure there was some reason – how do you function? How do you remember where anything is?”

“I don’t know, I just do.”

He looked pained. “Please don’t make me live like that.”

She grinned. “I was thinking I might organize them by color this time.”

He made a strangled noise. “You better be glad you’re so cute,” he admonished her.

She responded with a girly giggle and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll let you organize the records.”

He gaped. “You don’t have a system for those either??”

“I put them in order of cover art prettiness,” she said with an impish grin.

He hoisted a box of books with _~~B3, C3.~~ D5_ scrawled on the side in Rey’s loose, loopy handwriting. “Chaotic evil,” he muttered as he brushed by her.

“Chaotic good!” She corrected him. “ _You_ made me take that stupid nerdy test, you lawful neutral robot!” He just shook his head as he stomped to the moving van.

* * *

 

Kylo watched her carefully in those days after the miscarriage. She got quiet at night, clinging closer to him than normal before they fell asleep. But still she didn’t cry. He worried with himself about bringing it up. Every time he found her staring off into the distance, he wrapped his arms around her and asked if she was okay. She gave him a weak smile and a half-hearted squeeze before insisting she was fine.

Thursday morning was the day before their final big move. Cory was laying in the backyard of the new house, relaxed under the shade of a giant oak with some books. Satisfied his son was safe, Kylo wandered around the house calling for Rey to no response.

He searched the top floor, even crawling up to the sweltering attic. He skirted around _the_ room. The room that was going to be their nursery. Rey hadn’t gone near it since that night.

But a floorboard creak caught his attention. He pushed open the cracked door and found her standing in the middle of the room, a box labelled “memorabilia” at her feet. She stared out the window, but it was a vacant stare. He knew she wasn’t looking at the sun-dappled trees or Cory in the garden, who he noted had hobbled over to the bushes and was investigating something on the ground. He frowned but Rey’s presence crowded out his curiosity.

“Rey?”

Her gaze drifted to his and she blinked as if she was just waking up.

“I’m sorry, Kylo.” Her voice was the sound of something mangled and torn and barely alive.

“ _What_?”

"It was my fault,” she whispered, the words dragged out from a broken place.

His heart clenched. “No, it’s not,” he choked out. He hurried to her side, stooping to try and see her face.

Her eyes hardened. “I was the one who said everything was fine, that we didn’t need to go to the doctor. _Me._ ”

Kylo didn’t know how to respond. “It’s not your fault, Rey. It’s not. There’s nothing we could have done.”

She swallowed. “When I found out I was pregnant that morning, the _very_ first thing I thought was _why now?_ It was unplanned. We’d never talked about more kids. And the whole thing with First Order. My job. Cory’s recovery. It couldn’t be a worse time.”

The anguish on her face broke Kylo’s heart into a thousand daggered pieces.

“And a second later I felt so happy. But the anxiety didn’t go away, even after I told you. It was always there, just sitting underneath everything else.” She paused, eyes roaming the wall over Kylo’s shoulder. “What if that’s what caused it? The first thing I felt was like a rejection. A couple times I even wished I wasn’t pregnant.”

Kylo traced circles on the back of her hand, straining to keep back tears. “You didn’t tell me any of this.”

Her lip trembled. “I didn’t want to say it out loud. I didn’t want to admit to thinking it. But what if it’s my fault?”

“It’s not your fault,” he growled, pulling her into his arms. “There is nothing you did that could possibly make this your fault. It’s no one’s fault.”

“But it’s my body. My body did this.”

He pulled her closer. “Biology did this. Nothing you thought or said changed that. You had no control over it. This is not something you did. It just…happened.”

“Kylo.”

He heard the wavering silence and let her words form.

“Are you sad?”

His arms were nearly crushing around her. “I’m heartbroken, Rey.”

She didn’t respond for several minutes and then her breaths turned into hard gasps as she broke down in his arms, sobbing into his chest. She cried harder than he’d ever seen her cry before. He couldn’t push his tears down anymore. They held each other and cried for the unexpected dream they lost.

*****

* * *

 

“It’s like a desert and a rainforest had a love child.”

Rey’s jaw dropped. “Cory!”

Kylo was trying not to laugh. “Do you even know what that means?”

“It’s like when two things mix together,” Cory answered naively, peering around the attic. “It’s too hot to be up here.”

“We’re going to put an AC unit into the window,” Kylo told him.

Cory shrugged. “I like the downstairs bedroom better.”

Kylo’s eyebrows went up but he didn’t remark, glad to skip the hassle of convincing Cory to stay on the ground floor.

Rey was still stuck on his previous comment. “Where did you hear that?” She demanded.

“Poe.”

Her lips thinned. “I think you need to spend some more time with other people. I saw some kids around the neighborhood.”

Cory bit his lip. “Maybe.”

Kylo frowned at Rey and tilted his head towards Cory’s crutches. Realization dawned on her. Kids could be very cruel to someone who was ‘different.’

“What ever happened to Madeline?” Rey asked Cory.

His face lit up. “I want to go see her! Dad, can I go to work with you on Monday?”

He looked uneasily at Rey. “We’ll see.”

Cory stuck his lip out. “That’s what grownups say when they mean no.”

Rey ruffled his hair. “We’ll figure it out, Cory. Promise.”

Cory had already skipped past that and onto the prospect of seeing Madeline.

“I could show her the lake and the attic and my fort and the garter snakes in the backyard!”

Kylo’s head whipped to his son. “The _what._ ”

Cory snapped his jaw shut. “Nothing. There are no snakes in the backyard.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “They’re not poisonous.”

He blanched. “They can still bite! And their mouths are probably full of bacteria! What if you got an infection?” He narrowed his eyes at his son. “Is that what you were doing in the bushes the other day?”

Cory huffed. “There’s a nest over there, it’s so cool! They’re nice snakes, they didn’t even try to bite me when I picked one up.”

Kylo pinched the bridge of his nose and opened his mouth but Rey cut him off.

“It’s fine Kylo,” she said with an airy wave. “It’s not like this is his first time finding creatures outside.”

Kylo fixed his gaze on Rey and then to Cory. Finally he shook his head. “Please be careful.” He held out his arms to Cory. “Now let’s go downstairs, it’s too hot in here.”

* * *

 

“The SEC announced this morning that they’re launching a public joint-investigation into the massive tech company, First Order. Speculation abounded following the shocking announcement by the COO, Kylo Ren, that First Order executives had allegedly committed a host of illegal activities. The involvement of the FBI leads many to believe that the corruption and fraud spreads far beyond the few named in Ren’s statement. Many have suggested that his openness is a ploy to cover up his own crimes –“

“Shut that off,” Kylo growled, stabbing the power button of the TV remote. The kitchen went silent except for the rattle of the heating kettle on their stove. “The last thing I want is Cory hearing any of that.”

Rey folded her arms and leveled her gaze at him. “We have to tell him something.”

“We absolutely fucking do _not_ ,” Kylo snapped.

Rey’s face darkened. “Yes we do. He’s going to hear stuff from other people, from any of his friends’ parents, if anyone will even risk being associated with us. We have to prepare him.”

Kylo glared for a moment before his shoulders slumped. “I know,” he admitted, raking a hand through his hair. “I just don’t know what to tell him.”

“He’s smart. We can tell him the truth.”

“He’s still a kid. He acts really mature for his age, but he’s still just a kid and sometimes certain things are beyond their grasp.”

The kettle screamed and Rey lifted it from the stove, waiting a bit before pouring the steaming water into a French press. She sighed when she turned back to Kylo. “You’re right,” she said, biting her lip. “He’s asked me twice about ‘where the baby went.’ I don’t know how to explain it any better.” She snorted. “At least religious people have heaven or reincarnation or something else to lean on.”

Kylo was suddenly very interested in a scratch on the countertop. Leia had been raised Jewish and was still fairly devout. But Han was Catholic, in the sense that Catholicism follows one around for the rest of their life, no matter how much they try to untangle themselves from it. He hadn’t been to mass since before he married Leia and he was happy to explain how it was all a bunch of religious mumbo-jumbo. Kylo asked Han about God once and he had only said “I’ve never seen anything to make me believe there’s one all-powerful force controlling everything.” But Leia had shared her faith with Kylo, and the idea of an afterlife had been comforting as a child.

“I don’t think it hurts to tell Cory there’s a heaven and that’s where the baby went.”

Rey’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re kidding.”

He crossed his arms defensively. “It helped a lot when I was a kid. My cat died when I was seven and I cried for a week until my mom told me he went to heaven. It felt a lot better than nothing at all.”

She gave him an inscrutable stare before turning away again to press the plunger on her coffee. “I don’t think it’s okay for parents to shove their religious beliefs down their kids throats. Plus I doubt Cory would believe it. He never believed in Santa Clause, you know.”

Surprise hit Kylo, followed by a twist of sorrow. “No, I didn’t know. There’s no way for me to know that.”

Rey wilted and crossed the kitchen to hug him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered against his chest. “I know it hurts because all that stuff is missing.” Kylo shuffled over to Rey’s French press with her still wrapped around him and poured it into her mug.

“It’s going to get too strong,” he murmured to her.

She leaned onto her tiptoes to kiss him. “You can tell him whatever you think is best. I’ve never talked about any of that stuff with him. To be honest, I never knew what to say. It _does_ seem wrong to tell a kid that there’s nothing after death and this is all we’ve got.”

Kylo smiled against her hair. “Plus that’s _your_ opinion Rey.”

She huffed. “Yes, I know.”

He chuckled. “Maybe we should just collectively convert to Buddhism or something and not have to deal with this.”

Rey returned his laugh. “That’s the _least_ kid-friendly belief I can think of. It’s too abstract.”

Kylo pulled away to look at her face. “Thank you,” he told her seriously.

Her lips twisted. “You did miss a lot. The least I can do is let you handle some of this other milestone stuff. Like religion. We’re an _us_ now and it’s not just me.”

He stroked her hair back from her face. “That means a lot to hear, Love.”

She grinned. “You’re welcome to do the honors of the birds and the bees talk.”

He groaned. “No way. You’re not getting out of that. We’re doing it together. Since we’re a _we_ now.”

Rey just smiled and kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry again. This chapter was really hard to write (also it's v short :/ ). I tried to stick a little lighthearted fluff in there to take the edge off.
> 
> Chapter summary: Rey is in shock and Kylo calls Leia to the hospital because he doesn't know what to do and she gives him some advice. Kylo brings Rey home the next morning and tells Cory about the miscarriage. They move to their new house. Rey confesses to Kylo that she feels guilt over the miscarriage. They talk and comfort each other. Kylo and Rey discuss how much to tell Cory about First Order and the SEC investigation. It turns into a discussion about religion and Rey and Kylo agree to share some info with Cory about his parents beliefs.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @writingreylo.


End file.
